I used to work in a 24 hour fast food joint by a popular club. At about closing time, we’d get the overflow of drunks. Most just wanted a greasy snack before they went home, and probably 90% were perfectly civil and hilarious.
However, as many who serve the late night drunk crowd know, there are douchebags that seek to bolster their self esteem and social standing, by harassing easy targets (like fast food workers who have to switch off their verbal self defence mechanisms to provide ‘good customer service’).
We had a regular who would spend his time hitting on customers and staff (me on one occasion) after what was probably another night of disappointment. He clearly thought he was charming.
We named him ‘TLE’ (The Lynx Effect - after an advertising slogan for a deodorant named Lynx, which is the Australian branding for Axe Body Spray).
TLE would hang out in the dining room, sometimes with a crowd of friends that he would play to. After being politely told to stop standing on the seats, TLE decides he wants a burger, so he orders some monstrosity loaded with a stupid amount of bacon that he expects kudos for ordering (I give kudos for bacon, not wasted bacon).
When it comes time to pay, TLE opens his wallet and finds only a parking ticket and a condom. He hands the condom across and says, 'You accept these as payment, right?’ Cue polite laughter.
Without a beat, my surpressed verbal defences kick in.
'Usually, sir. However, not when they’ve clearly been in your wallet for so long.’
He was stunned, his mates laughed and my manager at the time had to hide in the backroom lest someone saw her game face drop. After that, some lady (whom he had been clumsily hitting on) asked if I accepted tips.
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