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Are you buying, Mr Moneybags? Don’t think I don’t know that face.

Are you trying to make me your sugar daddy? Because that’s not really my style.

I might be 20 years old and therefore bias, but explain to me how my family could give up lively London for a place as boring as this. I really hope someone is about to show me why this move wasn’t a bad idea because I have regrets.

It’s a quaint little town is it not? I’m so glad youre here, sis! You get settled in already?

Hmm.

Fuck: Alastair, pretty sure he's getting married.

Marry: Alfie, He's adorable and a good lay.

Kill: Elliot, sorry bye.

Okay, I knew that the north of England was going to be pretty significantly cooler than Madeira, but I can safely say I was underprepared, and defo feeling the difference. I got those goosebumpy legs going on right now, like damnnn.

Definitely a shocking difference. Maybe a shopping spree is in the books?

Max: Please try to sound less disappointed that my husband doesn't think we're going to fuck behind his back.

Max: So... do you want to meet her? Ellie says she looks just like me.

Emy: lol

Max: Of course he does. Elliot has no problem with you. He knows you're my best friend.

Max: And if Alfie gets to call himself uncle you sure as fuck do too.

Emy: So he's not even a little threatened by me?

Max: Be happier if my daughter got to meet her Unlce Emy.

Max: Come on, Em. Don't say shit like that.

Max: Yeah. She is.

Max: Barely a week old and she's got a full head of hair. Fucking blonde curls. More blonde than me.

Max: That shit gets darker with time sometimes though, right? Maybe she'll end up a brunette.

Emy: Sorry

Emy: Thats good.

Max: Don't be a dick.

Max: She was born last week. Adoptive parents fell through. I agreed to take her until they found someone else.

Max: But we both fell for her fast.

Emy: Hard when you keep taking my will to live.

Emy: :)

Max: Hey man.

Max: You want to meet my daughter?