Bruce Wayne is a Slut

Diana: Quick, put it on something cold!

Clark: *puts hand over Bruce's heart*

Clark: Ah, much better.

1.[the video is shakey as it zooms in on the top of Wayne Tower. Riddler comes into focus first, then Robin. Riddler is holding Robin by the ankle off the roof]

Batman: PUT HIM DOWN ED OR I SWEAR TO GOD—

Red Robin and Red Hood: DO A FLIP

2.[a video of Nightwing taken by Batgirl. They’re in a red light district, and you can faintly hear the cha-cha slide coming from the building they’re next to. Nightwing is dancing along perfectly]

3.[a picture of Robin, holding a baby robin. The caption reads “he’s trying to figure out how to sneak it into the bat cave”]

3.5.[a second picture posted shortly after. It is blurry, but you can vaguely make out the shapes of Robin and Batman. The caption reads “he found out”]

4.[a video of Red Hood and Blackbat signing frantically in ASL. The camera flips to Red Robin]

Red Robin: they’re arguing about which pizza rolls are the best

Batman, from off Camera: where the hell do they even get pizza rolls? Agent A sure as hell doesn’t let them in the house—

5.Nightwing: I dare you to jump off the roof without your grapple

[Red Hood starts sprinting to the edge of the roof. They are on one of the tallest buildings in Gotham. The camera shakes as Nightwing runs after Red Hood]

Nightwing: No wait I diDNT FUCKING MEAN IT HOOD—

5.5[a super bad candid of Batman and Red Hood and Nightwing. The camera is tilted as if someone is trying to hide it. The caption reads “this has been going on for 20 min”]

Batman: —ell would you think that’s a good idea—

Red Hood: —if you should be yelling at anyone it should be nightwing—

Nightwing: —don’t drag me into this!

[snickers are heard off camera]

Batman: Im dragging both of you into this! Why on earth would you dare your brother to jump off the roof when you know damn well he’ll do it?!

Red Hood: yeah—

Batman: oh don’t you even start Hood—

6.[a picture of Red Robin and Superboy mid fall. It is unclear where they fell from. The caption reads “they were watching buzzfeed unsolved and got scared by a pigeon”]

7.[the camera opens and quickly zooms in on Batman. He looks annoyed. There is a low chanting of “money in the jar” coming from off camera]

Batman: ‘crap’ is not a fucking swear word—

8.[a picture of Robin curled up against Black Bat. She looks surprisingly fond. The caption reads “he fell asleep durning the stake out”]

9:[a shakey Video of Red Hood. He’s fighting off at least six people while singing in a rather nice sounding baritone range. The caption reads “once a theater kid always a theater kid”]

Red Hood: IVE GOT NO STRINGS—

[red hood fires a gun]

Red Hood: —TO HOLD ME DOWN

10:[a video of Red Robin and Signal. They’re sitting on a roof, sharing several tacos.]

Signal: why do you call yourself Red Robin? Robins are technically Red already, aren’t they? They’ve got that little red patch on their chest

Red Robin: it’s for the aesthetic

Bruce : *is hiding an injury*

Clark : Wow that fight was re-

Clark : *x-rays Bruce*

Clark, internally : i sEE YOU BITCH

Clark : Bruce.

Bruce : What

Diana, after realizing : *glares*

Bruce : It’s not that bad.

Clark : *glares with her*

Bruce :

Love is Love IDW publishing special.

Bruce has been awake for less than twenty minutes after sleeping for less than two hours, he’s just poured his first coffee of the day into a mega mug (it says “#1 superhero”. Jason gave it to him). He takes a blissful sip of the coffee and goes to leave the kitchen to do… things. Meeting at Wayne Enterprises, solve a case, whatever.

Alfred does not approve of caffeine as a substitute for food. He makes some pointed remark about Bruce not eating breakfast. (Again.)

Clark’s been smoking the good stuff

Tim: Oh shoot, I didn’t bring enough cash. Uhhhh…

Stephanie: You didn’t bring enough cash? You’re a billionaire, how can you not bring enough cash??

Tim: Maybe I don’t want to get randomly shanked in an alley over my wallet

Stephanie: Pffft half the people in this city would shank you just to shank you, no wallets involved 

Tim: Thanks, hon, great to know. *meets cashier’s eyes* Oh. Uh. Do you take card?

Cashier: I’m so so sorry, Mr. Drake but we don’t. I’m really sorry!

Tim: Nah don’t worry about it, I’ll just come back lat–

Stephanie: Wait 

Stephanie: Waaaait

Stephanie: I’ll pay 

Tim: Um. Steph, thanks, I–

Stephanie: I SHALL STEP UP TO THE PLATE

Tim: Why are you yelling 

Stephanie: BRUCE WAYNE HAS FORSAKEN YOU 

Tim: 

Stephanie: 

I AM YOUR SUGAR DADDY NOW 

Cashier: Yes ma'am!

Stephanie: *whips around and drops a quarter down Tim’s shirt* Save that for later, toots *waggles eyebrows*

Tim: I’m breaking up with you for this

Stephanie, ripping open the skittles packet and offering him a purple one: Can you afford to though

Tim: I’m going inside

Stephanie: *follows him* LET IT BE KNOWN

Stephanie: THE WAYNES ARE A THING OF THE PAST

who is more likely to hurt the other?bruce can be emotionally distant and self-isolating

who is emotionally stronger?wally!

who is physically stronger?bruce!

who is more likely to break a bone? bruce, no contest

who knows best what to say to upset the other? they’re both pretty good at saying hurtful things when they get going, but bruce moreso

who is most likely to apologise first after an argument? wally. bruce tries to apologize more, but hes bad at it

who treats who’s wounds more often? wally has spent many a night patching bruce up after patrol

who is in constant need of comfort? bruce may not show it, but he really needs love

who gets more jealous? see, you’d think it’d be bruce, but wally hates it when people try to flirt with b

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? bruce does this thing where he’ll get it in his head that wally is better off without him

who will propose? wally!

who has the most difficult parents?well, bruce is an orphan, so wally’s

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? wally, and it makes bruce super flustered!

who comes up for the other all the time?wally is always able to be with bruce whenever he needs it, wherever he is. superspeed is useful when hes in central city and something happens in gotham

who hogs the blankets?both run hot so they usually end up kicking the blankets off the bed

who gets more sad? bruce, though wally has his moments

who is better at cheering the other up? wally’s exuberance is simply contagious!

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?bruce, though occasionally he makes horrible dad puns that even wally is ashamed of

who is more streetwise?it depends on the situation!

who is more wise?it depends on the subject, but in the amount of subjects known, i’d say bruce

who’s the shyest? bruce!

who boasts about the other more? the other leaguers were scheming to get them together before they had even realized they were romantically interested in eachother bc of how much wally talked about bruce and the pining looks bruce sent wally