How do I explain that my rape & kidnapping kinks largely derive from a deep insecurity that people only pretend to want me around out of socially obligated politeness or pity. That every relationship might just be a kind farce, that maybe Iβm just a chore to keep around, or a charity project, and Iβll never know for sure.
Itβs the idea that someone could, in such an overwhelming way, desire me. So much so that theyβd break social, moral, and literal law to have me. It doesnβt matter how much I protestβ they wonβt be deterred. This is purely for them, not me. Itβs an expression of Want so raw and ugly and selfish that it leaves no room in my mind for doubt, and all I can think is, βHuh. Theyβre not pretending.β