PPCU Masterlist / Series Masterlist / Joel Miller Masterlist
Chapter Six /Â Chapter Eight
Chapter Summary:Â You deal with the longing and danger of not having Joel and Ellie with you. And another party ends up with a bittersweet taste.
A few weeks go by and they still havenât returned from the trip, the house is empty, just as you. The days were crawling slowly, a lot of rounds with other partners, but none of them was Joel. Ellie and her teenage drama, and moody spirit. Everything felt silent.
The positive side is that you got to get closer to Cassie, the visits to her and her family became more frequent and normally her husband was the one to go on patrols with you, which makes you feel safe but not that safe.
Scott has been staring at you since the day Joel left, there was no one else to make him feel threatened. Tommy always made sure your patrol schedule did not match his, giving you a slight sense of security, but nothing makes you feel safer than Joel Miller.
And now the biggest question, as time goes by, is how long will Joelâs threat last, considering that a lot of people in Jackson believed theyâre dead by now. Something that never, ever crossed your mind.
âSo, I heard about somethingâŠâ Cassie looks up at you while folding some clothes âWere you and Joel having something?â
âNo. Who told you that?â you swallow hard
âWell, Annie told me Samuel started to tell everyone he caught you both together and, by the way he was treating youâ she bites the interior of her cheeks âDifferentâŠâ
âOk, Cass, it was just once, okay?â you sigh and roll your eyes âSamuel caught us almost red handedâ you laugh, shaking your head âI think it wonât evolve, though, things didnât go wellâ
âWhat do you mean?â Cassie stops folding one shirt and tilts her head with narrowed eyes
âItâs just complicated, Cassâ you sigh
âWellâŠâ she raises her eyebrows
âWe have Ellie, who canât get hurt by thisâ you bite the inside of your cheek âIâm a bit younger, which makes him pretty reluctant and scared tooâ
âOh, câmon! Ellie would never be against it.â Cass shakes her head narrowing her eyes
âI am not sure, Cassieâ you sigh, closing your eyes âThis doesnât matter much now. My only wish is that they returnâ
âOurs too, they are really important to our communityâ she nods, trying to hide her fear with a smile
There is still a lot to organize in Cassieâs store, so you both focus on it. The talking continued, but the subject changed. Your friend understands how much youâre missing Joel and Ellie, it is clear, everyone knows. Itâs a shared feeling.
When the job is done, you walk straight home, but instead of going to your garage, the big house calls you. Everything is quiet, empty. Itâs lifeless. For a moment you swear you can hear them both fighting, but when you poke your head to the living room, thereâs nothing there.
The kitchen is untouched, there is dust on the furniture. You go to Ellieâs room, her scent still all around. But itâs too organized. You did it the day after they left. Emotions taking over as you see her stuff, her plaid shirts and jeans. Thereâs a knot in your stomach, that you have to remind yourself everything will be just fine.
With your heart racing and closed throat you walk to Joelâs room. He would never let you inside, but just as Ellieâs, you organized it once they left. His closet is open, and there it is, the shirt you love when he wears it. Just like the dark green button down he was wearing the day you kissed. His scent lingering on both.
They didnât die, soon you see them.
Even with this thought, you lay on Joelâs bed, trying to feel his warmth and his presence somehow. You wish he was there, that you could talk about what happened the last night he was there. Something is missing, there was no closure. You can still feel his lips in yours, his skin.
Trying to relieve the stress, you decide to clean the house. Taking the dust off and tidying what arenât even out of place. It is actually your mind that is out of place, itâs confused. Blurred.
When youâre done cleaning, itâs time for patrol. Leaving no free time to think. You take just five minutes to get dressed, donât eat, it has been days since you actually ate something. You are not hungry, even with all of Mariaâs protests and pleads. Before leaving the house it is like you can hear Joel checking on you.
âPistol?â you smile with the memory âRifle?â
Joel always made sure you had everything on you. Even your pocket knife. He always left the gun loaded and clean for you. Now you learned how to do it by yourself in his absence.
Slowly and lost in your own thoughts, you rush to the gates. Your heart stops and a lump forms in your throat. Scott is there. He is looking at you. Tommy is not the one separating the groups, and Ian has no idea about the whole ordeal, so he places you with Scott.
The best way to deal with this whole situation is to just ignore the man and stick to your path, leaving your pocket knife closer. You also have a gun, and Joel taught you not to be scared of using it, on anyone, whenever itâs needed. God, you miss Joel.
Silently, only the sound of the sticks cracking under your boots, you make your way through the woods alongside Jesse. You were sent because apparently a group of raiders was getting closer. The goal is to try and track them down, or at least get some lead.
âThe other group found nothing, I donât know if there is really anything out hereâ Jesse mutters holding his shotgun up
âWell, I donât want to find out right nowâ you laugh with no amusement whatsoever
âYouâre so ready if something happensâ Jesse teases
âSure! Iâll push you to whatever the fuck comesâ now you laugh
âGreat! Iâll ask Tommy to never pair me with you anymoreâ he chuckles
Thatâs when Jesseâs radio receives a âcallâ. He looks at you and presses the button.
âWe need you hereâ Ian hisses
âWhy? Whatâs wrong?â Jesse sounds alarmed
âWe had an emergency. Just come. You can go back to patrol laterâ
Ian turns the radio off and Jesse looks over to you. He will not leave you behind, if anything happens to you, and Joel in fact comes back, he is fried. So he just nods.
âLetâs go! Iâll take you to the other teamâ he holds your arm
âDonât worryâ you sigh âIâm armed and will be there in a few minutesâ
As you enter more into the woods, Scott starts to get closer, even though youâre trying to keep a certain distance from him. Just as Joel said, you keep your hand on your gun, and if needed use the lessons you learned from him.
There is a footprint, you find it. Alone. For what youâve learned from your favorite teacher and greatest hunter, itâs fresh and new. This makes you freeze. Even worse than clickers, you have people around.
âDo you really think Joel will come back?â you feel hands on your shoulder, they pull you and shove you against a tree, impact making you shout.
âWhat the fuck?â you say, loudly, in case anyone is around.
âIâm starting to believe he ainât coming back, I actually am hoping he doesnâtâ he continues leaving you with no answer
Scott is taunting you, trying to make you lose control. He will use Joel, of course he will. You will not give it to him, keeping a straight face the whole time, your nose up.
âI heard you two were fucking. How? That fucking grouchy old man, really?â his voice makes you want to puke
âHear me out, Scott. Joel is way more of a man than you. He is actually a huge and wonderful man, bet he actually is way better than youâ you tease him back with a smirk on your face âI would chose this âfucking grouchy old manâ anytime over youâ
You hear a creak noise behind you, Scott lets go of you, and your hand rubs the place his hands were holding your arms. Youâre thankful to see Rob, one of the guys from the team. He narrows his eyes, knowing exactly what is happening.
The search ends, with only one footprint, the one you found. Nothing else, something you are kind of grateful for. Thereâs too much in your mind right now, to even think about being attacked by a group of foreigners.
After taking a shower you watch the sunset from âMillerâsâ front porch, where you are sitting on Joelâs rocking chair. What an old man, you think, laughing alone under your breath, who has a rocking chair in the middle of the apocalypse. This though makes you think about how grumpy he is, but also, his sweetness.
Tommy appears a bit far from where you are, and you nod with a smile. He doesnât have that worried look on his face. The angst he is facing ever since his brother and Ellie went on this mission. But there is something else there. Something that makes your heart sink.
âHey!â he greets you, shouting from a distance âYou need to come with me.â
âWhy?â you raise one eyebrow, standing and running, almost falling from the stairs in the process âWhat happened, Tommyâ
âJust follow meâ thatâs the only thing he says
Each step you take behind Tommy is a torture, your stomach and heart donât even know how they should act. Fear takes control. But as soon as the gate becomes visible, you just run. Two silhouettes holding two horses walk right in.
âDude! Just stop!â Ellie is the first to be hugged tight, of course, grumpy as always.
âAre you okay?â you step back and analyse every bit of her, she is completely unharmed, not even a scratch.
Hesitantly your eyes shoot straight to Joel, but as soon as you see how soft his face is, his gaze meeting yours, you donât even think, throwing yourself into his arms. He moans a bit with the impact, but holds you tight. His scent is there, but he needs a shower. His warmth, now you feel comfortable and secure, something that was gone with him.
âI missed youâ he mutters into your ears making you shiver, so out of character that leaves you surprised âA lotâ
âMe too, Joel Millerâ you step back, hands still on his waist, looking into his eyes âNow you two, letâs go home and relax. You both really need a shower and proper sleepâ
While the two of them shower, you prepare dinner, just like you promised Ellie. And for the first time in weeks, the house has light and colour. Just as yourself, being relieved and happy. Theyâre finally back, and fine.
The community is throwing a party to celebrate their arrival. Joel is a very important member here, and everyone was worried about them. Even though they really need to rest, the effort to go is worth it.
When dinner is done, you walk slowly to his room, hearing if the shower is off first. Knocking on the door you watch as he puts on a shirt, your face drops, there is a terrible wound, stitched also terribly, on his lower abdomen. Without even thinking you rush to him and place your hand close to it, examining.
âWhat happened?â your voice is low, but filled with worry
âWe had an encounter with a group of men and during the altercation I got stabbedâ he shrugs âItâs better nowâ
âLet me see it, you should go to the infirmary to take a lookâ your hand is still there, Joel feels the heat of your touch
âLeave it!â he takes your hands off, a bit too roughly, leaving you with eyebrows knit, heart squeezing
The message is clear, leave him alone. He doesnât want to talk about it, and of course, doesnât want to be taken care of. Even though it hurts to be rejected that way.
Dinner is like the old times, but now Ellie has a lot to tell. You notice sometimes a small tension between them, not addressing it. Their problems are not yours to solve. They always find a way.
After deciding to leave the kitchen for your future selves, you go get dressed. The warm weather allows you to wear jeans shorts and a shirt that leaves your chest slightly exposed. This is the night you will be bold and make it clear. He said he missed you. This has to mean something.
You leave the garage and walk confident to meet your neighbours in front of their house. Once they both see you, Ellie smirks and Joel swallows, opening a big grin after.
âDude!â Ellie nods, biting her lip âYou look so fucking hot, maybe trying to seduce someone?â
âYesâ Joel blushes, but you see when his eyes roam your body up and down âYou look really hotâ
Ellie simply widens her eyes, surprised by Joel being nice to you, regarding your look. Maybe the trip really did change him.
âThank you bothâ you smile âAnd no, Iâm not trying to seduce anyone, smartassâ
Walking side by side, in minutes you arrive at the party. As soon as you step inside, Ellie runs to her friends that were waiting for her, leaving you and Joel by yourselves. And there you stand, at the bar, watching as the teenagers have fun.
âYou know, Joelâ you sigh, keeping your eyes on them âIâve never had this. And itâs so weird, I miss something Iâve never had, do you know this feeling?â
âNot the same as you, I had all these experiences that I was supposed toâ he stops for a second âBut I surely miss something that I could never liveâ
âSometimes I just wish you were comfortable enough to share your woundsâ
Now your eyes search for his, but his face is still forward. Thereâs a moment for you to admire his side profile. Joel has a beautiful nose, his jaw is perfectly sharp and his beard completes his beauty.
âOne day, maybeâ he turns his face to you âBut the list of wounds just keep growingâ
You donât answer, but something screams inside of you. Joelâs head must be a collection of pain and guilt.
âSo, Iâm not one to do that, but the celebration mood is getting to meâ Joel smirks, reaching out his hand âDo you want to dance?â
âWhy the hell not?!â you hold it and he drags you to the middle of the hall where everyone is dancing.
Suddenly you feel all eyes on both of you. Joelâs arms wrap around your waist, pulling you flush against his body. The other hand is up as you both sway together. His touch is gentle, soft, respectful. Slow songs are the best because you have an excuse to bury your face in his chest. For a moment your eyes meet, and you feel it. This is the night.
After three songs, you two go back to the bar. Joel is beaming, completely different from his usual self. Seth pours both of you some whiskey, and you toast to his and Ellieâs lives. The feeling of happiness is such that you think nothing can ruin this moment. But Joelâs face changes and you know that it is about to be ruined.
âSo itâs true, the grumpy grandpa ended up with the smoking hot girlâ Scottâs voice echoes through your mind. Clearly drunk, he stops by your side.
Joelâs jaw clenches, you can see his hands turning into fists. As an act of desperation once you notice he might answer or even become violent, you place your hand on his arm, begging for him to keep calm. Scott doesnât deserve the energy, but then he continues.
âWhat does it feel like to fuck her? I wish I could, she must be insanely goodâ your heart is pounding in your chest, you can see anger consuming Joel.
âScott, please, this is not the momentâ you place yourself between the two of them, and spot Ellie in a corner looking at this scene, her eyes rolling. âOh, babe, too bad you chose him, I bet he canât even keep it haâŠâ
The words that are about to come out of his mouth leave you speechless. And soon chaos breaks loose, thereâs not even time for you to prevent it, only to feel Joelâs hands pushing you aside and punching Scott, who falls to the ground.
Cassie runs to you, holding your body close as you watch Joel on top of Scott and punching him repeatedly. There are attempts to break it up, but youâre not strong enough to hold someone as big as Joel. Your eyes roam the room and find Tommy, who was already on his way.
âJoel, please! Stop!â you shout, but he doesnât seem to listen, like he is possessed.
Tommy pulls Joel up, and he shakes his hand, still looking down at Scott whose face is bloodied. All eyes are on the three of you, shocked by the violence. Your neighbour looks down at the man and with fingers pointed at him he shouts.
âDonât you ever dare to say another goddamn word to her, not one word, I swear-â he stops and breathes âEspecially those filthy ones or I swear I will fucking kill youâ
Joelâs eyes find yours, shame and guilt consuming him. He turns his back and leaves. You now turn to Ellie and mouth Stay here to her, following him. Joel walks too fast, and you try to keep up, but he is bigger and faster.
âJoel!â you scream out, he doesnât turn.
When he gets inside, Joel doesnât close the door, leaving it open for you. But you close and lock it. He is standing in the middle of the living room, one hand on his hip and the other running over his face. Without thinking, you lunge towards him, your mouths colliding. It is violent, filled with lust.
His hands slide to your naked thighs, propping you up, your legs hugging Joelâs hips. Your tongue asks permission and Joel allows it with no hesitation. You explore every inch of his mouth, slow but eager. He climbs the stairs without parting his lips, not even to breathe. This feels so right, so good. It is a mix of longing and something else.
The door is kicked open and shut by Joel aggressively, but that changes once he pins you against the wall, pulling away from the kiss, foreheads resting against one another, his brown irises staring right into yours. Your feet touch the floor, taking your shirt off and exposing your breasts under your black bra. Joel admires them, like theyâre the most spectacular view of all time.
With shaking fingers, you unbutton his shirt, skin brushing against skin. Your hands roam over his warm chest, under the shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. They continue through his muscular arms.
A grin stretches across both of your faces. Slowly your hand cups his face, pulling him to you. Lust is already consuming and taking over both of you. Joel scoops you up and takes you to the bed, placing you on it carefully. He positions himself on top of you.
âShit, what are we doing?!â he stares into your eyes, laughing under his breath.
âJust donât think, Joel, I just really fucking need youâ you beg him, every inch of your body screaming for Joel.
He hesitates just for a second, as if the weight of thinking he doesnât deserve love or happiness is colliding with his desire for you. A mix of both. Joelâs eyes are still on yours, searching for the answer that is already there, loud and clear.
âI tried to fight this so hard, for so longâ he murmurs, his voice rough and low.
âThen just stop fighting, Joelâ you reply, pulling him close by his neck.
The hesitation leaves as Joel finally gives in, the kiss coming back fiercely, leaving no room for doubt. His hands roam your body, every curve a precious discovery, he wants to map you. You feel safe under his weight, itâs the loss of control you wonât regret.
âYouâre too young for meâ he pulls back for a second âAnd Iâm not the man you think I amâ
âI know exactly who you are, Joel Millerâ your hand gently touches his face âAnd I choose you, no matter what. Now letâs just live the momentâ
That sentence seems to knock down the last wall. Joel lets out a heavy, ragged sigh, finally surrendering to the moment. His lips trail down your jaw, to your neck and the bare skin of your shoulder, his beard burning deliciously.
His fingers grip your skin, digging in almost too roughly. You can feel the air inside the room getting heavy with the desire and tension that have been building up over all these months of distance. Nothing will stand in the way now, youâre both ready to give in.
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