be brave

I am so confused and frustrated.. my therapist is worried i’ve been misdiagnosed and was floating the idea of maybe a bipolar 2 diagnosis. to which i replied that i wasn’t sure, and thought maybe adhd is more appropriate. but now reading the dsm criteria for bipolar 2 i think i may fit that as well. either way i kind of feel like im trying to squeeze myself into a box to fit the diagnostic criteria. and i understand that these illnesses have to be clinically defined but also it’s really not that cut and dry when it all comes down to it. idk. i’m just confused and discouraged and fucking tired of it all. i’ve been trying to stay afloat for so long. things get “better” for a while and then always revert. i’m trying so hard. but it doesn’t ever stick

might be stepping back up to IOP :/ feel like a huge failure

really struggling with the weight gain lately. attempting to apply body neutrality but it’s a ton of constant mental effort to not fall into disordered thinking patterns. i know this is the work, but fuck i’m tired

crazy that you have to eat to recover from an eating disorder

ruined my entire day by binging and purging lol

i have to log all my food & drink for my therapist and it is indeed The Worst

having a wild friday night!!! (filling out intake paperwork for eating disorder treatment)

i haven’t posted on here in like. 17 years but i have an intake appointment today for an eating disorder program and i’m shitting bricks 

august is always such a hard month

I’ve been doing ..... better? with food.... like I’m eating a pretty good amount every day, I’d say. And I haven’t purged in a couple months!!! but the thoughts are still so loud and this time of year is obviously so triggering. but idk. in some ways I am doing okay rn