Bruce: Cover what?

Damian: A hug. I wish to have one. I have brought payment. I understand that Grayson does not require this transaction for hugs, but as the head of the household, I assume yours come with fees?

now this can result in multiple outcomes, however i think the funniest possible version is the version where while Dick is bemoaning about the loss of his little brother and how great Jason is and how he wants to talk to him again, and without a second of hesitation Red Hood just nods his head and goes 'oh yeah, hottest robin by far, too. sexy as shit, that guy is.'

this results in the entire bat family fully believing that Jason Todd was somehow revived and taken to the LOA where he met and fell in love with this murderous assassin known as Red Hood, and the two are currently in a relationship.

Jason, petty and pissed at his family, decides: holy shit that's funny. and he goes along with it, meaning there are multiple occasions where we get interactions such as

Batman, brooding on a rooftop: the second Robin... he has always had such a big heart.

Red Hood, cartwheeling in the background: big dick too, godDAMN

Batman: i am begging you to stop.

---

Nightwing: you're DATING my little brother? AND YOU WONT LET US TALK TO HIM?

Red Hood, full of shit: he's too busy visiting venues for our wedding next autumn. and before you ask, no, you're not invited.

Nightwing:

Batman: you mean to tell me, you're marrying my son, and you won't allow us to be at the wedding?

Red Hood: Jason's decision.

Batman:

Red Hood: Green Arrow's walking him down the isle

Batman: ok thats it-

---

Red Robin: so is your fiance happy about all this crime lord murder stuff?!

Red Hood: my future trophy husband understands that if he's going to be able to sit and look pretty for me, then I need to bring home some serious cash, now stop interrupting my work.

Red Robin:

Red Hood:

Red Hood: for real tho, Jason's so hot-

Red Robin: STOP IT

bonus scene:

Dick: Damian, did you know about this?

Damian, hasn't been paying attention: know about what?

Dick: Jason's engaged to Red Hood!

Damian:

Damian, knows full well Jason is full of shit because he grew up with the guy in the league:

Damian: hes what now

Jason in the background: *violently gesturing death threats*

Damian:

Damian: yes. i'll be travelling home in the fall to be the flower boy. I believe Todd has already picked out my suit.

Dick:

that christmas, Bruce Wayne receives a card with an obviously photoshopped Red Hood that's got his arm around Jason's shoulders, who also has a photoshopped wedding dress on. Damian is stood in front of them, a 'just married' banner in his hands, looking very much like he was paid to be there.

~ Vladcard is a striking being. There's something heavy to him. Something ancient. The true form of Alucard. Despite being the form of his youngest years, this is him from a time from his oldest memories. An infamous warlord. Armour and sword slick with the blood and tears of his enemies and own people. A name- a legend.

~ There's something that separates Alucard from Dracula. A somberness to him- stoic and grounded. They are both cruel in their respective way, but the difference is stark. Alucard is playful and sadistic- like a cat toying with a half-dead mouse. Dracula is more serious with his cruelty. There's no playfulness or casualness to him. He commits his acts with reason. With intent. No matter how trivial or cold they may be.

~ Dracula is more tender and doting. Whatever semblance to warm humanity that dwells within him shines through for you. Fond, warm looks are often cast upon you whenever you are within eyesight- a slight smile content on his lips as he dotes on you like an ancient wise stag over his little doe. A shielding presence that dwarfs you with his sturdy armoured form, swallowing you up in steel and a blood red cloak.

~ He's beyond gentle with you- Alucard has always been gentle with you, but he's not practiced in the art of touch or affection. Dracula is, however. Often you'll find him offering his imposing gauntlet for you to take, tucking you close under his arm and cape to keep you close with him. He also has a tendency for being more outwardly affectionate. Cupping the nape of your neck and lightly caressing the skin there with armoured fingers, or lightly stroking your cheek with his knuckle. Peering down at you with such devotion and passion it leaves you shy.

~ He is incredibly indulgent with you. Whilst teetering on the edge of an intimidating and sweet figure of staggering authority, he's very patient with you. Purring to you with his thick dulcet voice, his accent is suave and pretty to your ears- and he knows it very well. Often complimenting you and chiming the odd pet name here and there- not much different from your usual Alucard. Draga Mea... Luna vieții mele... And he'll smile at you fondly whenever you show him that endearing confused expression on your face at his words, which are obviously foreign to you. His sweet human.

~ There is one thing that has seemed to remain the same however, and that is his keenness to show off. He lathers up your praise, either it be compliments or words of astonishment. He laps it up like a greedy cat, pressing your palm to his cheek and keeping it there. Each little compliment or curious remark rewarded with a stubbly kiss to your palm.

Beetlebabes + BJ2 Incorrect Quotes: Electric Boogaloo

Batman: “So you didn’t notice?”

-justice league record scratches-

GL, horrified: “No. there’s no way, there’s absolutely no way…”

Batman’s grin would fit better on a supervillain, before he suddenly, miraculously, transforms. He leans back, tilts his head, the smirk isn’t evil but instead inviting and amused: “Really, Mr. Jordan, your job is just so fascinating… tell me more about planes…”

GL: 😨

Batman, turning on the rest of the league, one by one, changing his body language ever so slightly for each person: “Mr. Allen, I do hope you’ll entertain me again if I’m ever back in central, I had a grand time. Dinah darling, I stand by what I said, Ollie was SO much nicer to kiss when we were in college. Princess, the boys and I are in your debt. Mr. Jones…”

Batman’s mind goes no thoughts, head empty. Martian Manhunter is both impressed and embarrassed, nodding in understanding as Batman turns to the final hero, smiling sweetly, brain still empty as a blank sheet of paper: “And, Mr. Kent…”

Batman steps closer, hand on Superman’s chest, hip cocked, Brucie Wayne smile in full effect: “Our conversation got… cut off, the other night, because I wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with me going further, which is a damn shame. Call on me, won’t you?”

Superman, realizing why a very eager Brucie Wayne stopped their makeout session short: “…huh? OH- um.. uh huh.”

Green Arrow, short circuiting: “No fucking- BRUCIE? How? How is that possible?”

Batman, backing away from a shutdown superman, the physical mask on his face hardly the most effective one in his arsenal: “Because I’m Batman.”

Bonus for @help-i-need-a-cool-username: Hal Jordan STILL doesn’t know who bruce wayne is.

a few months later:

GL: “So this big old money billionaire guy in gotham is connected to this, i think he’s called Wayne or smth.”

Justice league: “…”

Flash, had a FULL DAY of Brucie and was VERY aware of who he was with: “Uh… Hal?”

Green Lantern, who heard Bruce’s name in passing, while distracted, under loud club music + has tried to erase that night from his memory: “what?”

~~~~~~~~~

*Batman and Superman searching a dressing room*

Superman: What about this thing, it looks suspicious?

Batman *full Batman voice*: That’s an eyelash curler darling

~~~~~~~~

*OG JLA revealing identities to newbies*

Green Arrow: Your turn Bats, who are you?

Batman having decided to fuck with him walking up to him cocking his hip putting one hand on his chest and in full Brucie Wayne mode: C’mon Ollie-Dollie you know who I am. We dated 💕

Green Arrow (internally): Modem noise

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recently revealed identities with Clark and Brucie being at the same party

Brucie: oh howdy 🤠 cowboy, fancy meeting you at this shindig

Clark *flustered* (internally): he can’t be Batman he can’t be Batman he can’t be Batman…

~~~~~~~~~

*Bruce getting a call during a JLA meeting*

Brucie: Oh! hello dear, yes of course I’m coming to your party I’ll see you later 😘

Batman: Our security measures need to be increased due to the number of criminals currently attempting to follow heroes to their base of operations

JLA *experiencing whiplash*: what.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*undercover Brucie and members of the JLA at a party*

Bruce *pretending to be drunk wandering over to the flash*: excuse moi but can I get your attention for just a momento😊

Flash *completely disconnecting Bruce and bats*: yeah uh sure sir are you alright

🐉⚔️✨

do not repost, reblog only

he'd begrudgingly agree that he has taste in music

songs referenced: 1, 2, 3, 4

do not repost, reblog only