Adventures of the broken

Jack and Sally: [singing in unison] And sit together / Now and forever. / For it is plain / As anyone can see / We're simply meant to be.

Well I see you standing there

And your eyes are unaware

That I've been staring at them all night

Wishing the brain behind them cared

About the way you make me feel

Or how your smile makes me nervous

Or how the fact that you exist

Makes me feel like I have a purpose

I'm sick of lying in your bed

While we're both laying down

You say you want me for a friend

I hope you know I hate that sound

But I will bite my tongue because

I hate when you're pissed off

But you should know I need your touch

Like falling rain on thirsty crops

Damn you stupid girl

Why won't you drop your guard?

The space between our lips

Is bound to break my ever-aching heart

And I am sure that you will never find

A man that is ever gonna love you more

So why won't you love me?

Well I hate your cigarettes

And the men that you go see

Because one is killing you

While the other's killing me

But I know that you'll stay stubborn

Because you know I'll stay alone

'Cause we both know

Inside your grasp

Is the only place

I feel at home

Now I sit with my guitar

Write you one more stupid song

I hate the way you make me feel

Like I'm doing something wrong

But you'll just have to deal with all

The things that I have mentioned

And I hope this song is golden

Like the point of my intentions

Now the deed is done

And there is nothing left to say

Prayed to the God you don't believe in

That you'll love me some day

So when the years go by

And you forget how much I care

Put in this song and sing along

So your heart will be aware...

It's like giving up on everything

That you believe

To put your trust in a girl

That stole your heart right off your sleeve

And I'm so sure that you will never find

A man that is ever gonna love you more

Today's your birthday, and I know you don't like to make a big deal about it. So I won't. Instead I'll make a post on here, my brain drain, and then it's out.

Every year is another tally on the chalkboard in my head, marked: "Years I've been in love with Bobo The Magical Bear". Tomorrow another gets added. It gets stronger each year too, so not only do you get me (lucky you), you get more intense snuggles, and more intense kisses and more intense loving.

I have dreams about what comes next. Not plans, or even the remote wish; just different possibilities.

I hope you have a wonderful day, and really hope I get to see you at least for a little while.

I met Bobo when I was in my 10th year at school. She transferred in, having been a badass at her old school, and tried to make an effort in her new beginnings. The moment I saw her, I was interested. Not romantically, it was a purely innocent and unexpected interest. We were in IT together, and that was the class we connected in, but she was also attached to the large social group I was in at break times. 

From what I remember, she started dating this douchebag (the douchebag has since become a really nice guy) and they started bunking school and drinking when they were here. When I did see her, I felt something, even if at the time she didn’t. There was banter, there was playfulness, and chemistry if that’s the way to put it. Her coursework in IT was basically all of my work that she rewrote to make seem like hers. I gave her anything she wanted. 

We both walked out of school one day, after she announced that she had broken up with the douchebag, and I just asked her if she wanted to hang out. She knew what I meant and agreed. We made it back to mine, and chilled out amongst other activities, and I thought we had a good time. 

Only a few people that have been close to me know that emotionally, I am both incredibly open, and equally closed. I’ve had relationships in the past that have scarred me, one in particular was a girl we’ll call Pringles. Pringles was another girl that moved to the area, and we quickly became close, to the point where I was walking her home regularly, kissed her, and then ended up in a relationship. I guess it wasn’t much of a relationship. The cliffnotes of this ten-month horror novel is that she was a nutcase. Pringles at the start of our relationship had a best friend that she left back where she moved from, and she came round regularly to stay over. Fairly innocent, right? Well Pringles would ‘go for a shower’ or ‘run to the shop’ or something that involved her being away from the laptop, and I’d get left talking to her friend. Her friend would ask leading questions, give me tips on how to woo Pringles. I was fourteen at the time so I didn’t find anything untoward going on. Ten months later, I was round her house, and was thinking to myself “Eh?” and when she went to use the bathroom, I checked her phone when it went off and it was from the guy I despise to my very core. Scrolling back to the beginning of their conversation, I saw the message that broke me, and I haven’t been fixed since. “If I wasn’t with <me>, I’d definitely go out with you.” Now maybe I overreacted long term, but I then confronted her about it, and she burst into tears saying “no, no ,no...” over and over again. I took this as a bad sign, and then asked her about her best friend, asked “if she even exists” and she said “Kinda, I have an auntie called <friends name>”. I couldn’t take it, so I left. I was lied to constantly over a long period in the first proper relationship I had, and I kind of stopped caring from that point on. I started to just have sex with girls because I could, and ended up on a downward spiral that was destructive to those around me. 

So there’s the prequel to my life before the first installment of The Adventures of Bobo the Magical Bear and Unicunt. 

Shortly after finishing school, I bump into Bobo, heavily pregnant and smiling (I hold on to the fact that it was because she saw my face so don’t ruin it) and I immediately walked up to her and hugged her, when she introduced the sperm donor from hell. She told me to message her on Facebook, which I did immediately after we parted ways. 

She split up with SPfH soon after the potato was born, and we started talking more. Then we started hanging out, I’d go round hers, help her with the potato, who of course I ADORE to this day, and then we’d cuddle up. I fell for her a couple years before, but didn’t realise it until around this time. 

Bobo and I became romantically involved, and for a while I was starting to feel myself again. Happy, with a normal sense of humour and the drive to do better with work. But as I mentioned in previous posts, I was a colossal idiot, and pushed her away to the point she went with someone else and I was too hurt to speak up and stop it. 

I feel, although so much bad has happened and everything is more difficult than it was, that we are both better for it. I’ve matured, she’s matured, and we both know how we feel about one another. I love her, and she loves me. We’ve tried on multiple occasions to be without one another, but I’ve moved past the hurt buried deep from previous relationships and years of mental abuse from family my entire life to focus on the thing that matters most to me. Bobo. 

So me and Bobo decided to go away for the day last weekend, we planned it for Saturday but she fell asleep and slept the day away. I knew she was exhausted so I just let her sleep. 

She asked if I was busy on the Sunday, of course for my person I will never be busy. Never. Ever. So we made plans to go adventuring.

The theme for our adventures are National Trust sites, and I finally signed up for a membership, and got my cool parking sticker. 

The Vyne was a beautiful place. As soon as we walked through the gates, we were greeted with green grass, trees coloured in every shade of autumn, and lakes that reflected the surrounding scenery that aired so much peace, that I never wanted to leave. The only thing that trumps the stunning grounds at The Vyne, was my Bobo. 

There are multiple reasons why I go to National Trust sites, the biggest reason, and the only one that matters, is how happy Bobo is when we’re adventuring. One of the many, oh so many, things that I love about her, is her eyes. Gorgeous they are, and special in a way that they change in appearance dependant on her mood. They light up when we’re out together, and I can see a true peace within her. 

The house was amazing, although dark, but the way we could sense the history within it was truly something.

After walking through the house, we queued for lunch. It was an positively overwhelming feeling to sit across from the love of my life, and drink hot chocolate as the world bumbles along around us. 

As we walked out of the cafe, we saw a huge old tree, patched with colours across the spectrum, it was amazing. We walked hand in hand along the side of the river, and found a bench overlooking what seemed to be a marsh, above it the sun was setting. We sat down, and I put my hand into hers, and she melted into me as we just unwound and let life wash over. 

The part, as always that I hate, was taking her home. The best part about adventuring is I get her undivided attention, unlimited affection and unwavering beauty. However, because our time together has a limit, we don’t always get to snuggle in bed with trashy TV. We have tricky lives, and we want to take things slowly, so this isn’t something I consider a disaster.

Bobo is my person, I live and breathe for her. I love her.

There will be so many places to adventure, and I hope to write about every single one. Because getting how I feel out there is something I need. 

So I’ve never really shared the story about Bobo and I with anyone, so Tumblr is the lucky lot.

I met bobo when I was in year ten in high school, my first memory of her was when she came to the group I was in on a break. She took my breath away instantly. There was something, and still is something about this girl that I cannot identify, and it drives me wild. 

At the time I met her, she was with this douchebag, so I kept away, however we flirted when we were in class together... by flirted I mean I basically did all of her work, and she stuck sticky labels all over my face and a couple on my chest.  We laughed, and it was a good time.

She eventually realised that her relationship wasn’t going anywhere, so she ended that, and that day we were walking outside school and decided to hang out, and went back to mine. I knew what I wanted, and she did too. We wasted no time, and got down to it. We both brushed it off as a bit of fun, but since that day, I’ve been madly in love with Bobo the Magical Bear. 

She had some troubles at school, mainly because the teachers were assholes, and she (like me) didn’t take well to stupidity so the hole just carried on being dug. The point is, she left school and I didn’t see her for a while. Which sucked. 

The next time I saw her was in a cafe in my home town, pregnant and with a new guy. I’ll admit, afterall this is the internet, it sucked. I thought that baby + boyfriend = never going to happen unicunt. But we were friends, and we started talking on facebook. 

We started hanging out again after she had the spud, such a perfect creature she was. Loved me, wouldn’t cry when I held her, would either sleep or poo. I was the special poo person. I didn’t mind, I didn’t have to change the poo nappies. I was happy to have someone so small in my arms, with the girl who was completely unaware that I was in love with her sat next to me, head on my shoulder. We saw each other most days, it was worth the long walk across town. 

After a few months, Bobo managed to get her own place, and I helped her move in, with a good payment for services. Chinese food followed by sex. She asked me to stay, but for some unknown reason I said no. To this day I still hate myself for leaving. 

I began to distance myself, and we argued about the fact that I started to talk to her less, and looking back I should’ve treated her better. I was awful. We split up, and I didn’t see her for a little while. 

The next time I saw Bobo, was on a night out. I was at a pub, and she spotted me, grabbed me and kissed me so passionately that I wanted to just grab her, hop in a taxi and take her home. What happened next broke my heart, a guy walks down, grabs her from behind and kisses her. She introduces him as the guy she’d been seeing. I suffered through the small talk to try show that I wasn’t affected by seeing them together, when inside I was breaking down. As soon as they said they were leaving, I went back inside and ordered some shots, downed them all and walked home trying not to think.

Bobo popped up on facebook a month or so later, and we became semi close. I’m struggling to keep my feelings for her in, out of respect for her. I wanted her to be happy, and I didn’t want to fuck things up for her. So I was around, but not much. 

Things took a turn for the worst with me, and I did something stupid and wasn’t around for a long time. I was out of town and cut all ties with friends, deleted all social media and ghosted. Bobo came to see me often, and it was the highlight of my time out. My feelings growing stronger everytime I saw her. So I came back to town. 

Bobo was still with the guy from before, but I lost myself in her. We were extremely close, and we both knew that there was something there. She started shouting at me because she had feelings for me when I tried to cheer her up on a drive, she said “Don’t deny that you know there’s something there, I know it and you do to!”. I looked away, but I didn’t need to answer. The second time we were on a drive and I pulled in somewhere quiet. It was different this time, she didn’t bother saying anything, just grabbed me and kissed me. Nothing has ever, to this day, felt so good. 

We carried on like this in secret for months, until she decided she didn’t want to be in her relationship anymore, and things started to get messy. We didn’t see eachother as much, which sucked. But I understood. 

I saw her once a week for a long time, and we did some adventures and when we could, she slept over. My issues with sleep disappear with bobo on me. 

I have a lot of baggage, no matter how much love she had for me, it got too much for her and she said “I’m coming over later, we need to talk.” I knew what was coming, and it felt like bits of me were falling off every minute until I finished work and she come over.

Long story short, she hated that there’s aspects of my life I don’t have control over. She wanted to be control of her own life, and that of her child. Because of me, and my baggage, I threatened and she didn’t want to be around me. She told me to tell everyone that knew about us that she doesn’t have anything to do with me anymore. That broke me. 

The last words she said to me as she walked out were “I don’t know,” and I didn’t hear from her again. 

This began the downward spiral, and I ended up trying to get help so things wouldn’t get bad again, but the NHS declined. So I masked the pain through drugs and alcohol. Every night I saw her face, every night I had nightmares about the day she walked out of my house. I’d hear the words “I don’t know” just bounce around my brain. It was hell. I still love her, no matter what. She could pick me up again and I would be hers. I understood why, so I couldn’t hate her.

 I get a text message a few months later from Bobo, asking if I was still awake, if I hated her and if I wanted to talk. She was drunk, but I froze for a minute, There she was, the girl I’m head over heels for, come back. 

We started hanging out again, and this time it felt less stressful yet more intense. 

We went away overnight to southsea, and it was perfect. A night with her in bed, followed by a long day walking around the coast. She was so happy and it was beautiful to see. We walked through the gardens and she grabbed me and smiled, saying “I love you”, I pulled her in and kissed her, my heart was so full it could burst. 

We now adventure often, National Trust memberships get us to beautiful places and its wonderful. We’re now in a relationship, I don’t care if noone knows because all that matters is Bobo. The love of my life. I will do what she wants as I want her. 

So a nice semi-spontaneous weekend getaway was well needed. Didn’t need much, but to get out of town with my person and be us for a while was all I needed. 

Monday 16th July 2018

Today I visited Mottisfont with my person, I had a hospital appointment later in the day, and we decided we both needed an adventure to get away from the negative influences in our lives. Mottisfont is a beautiful place, rich in history and incredible views.