It’s definitely a “put on the Clannad soundtrack and think about crying but don’t actually express any emotion” kind of evening

oozey mess
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Claire Keane

Product Placement
Jules of Nature
Show & Tell
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Kiana Khansmith

JBB: An Artblog!
Acquired Stardust
NASA

★

Today's Document
tumblr dot com

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Peter Solarz
we're not kids anymore.
sheepfilms
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from Canada
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seen from Singapore
seen from Canada

seen from Italy
seen from Romania

seen from United Kingdom
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States

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@broken-spork
It’s definitely a “put on the Clannad soundtrack and think about crying but don’t actually express any emotion” kind of evening

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Defining Yourself
You know, one of the funny things about being who I am is the possibilities meeting others has. I get excited when new people come into my life because I’m interested to see who I’ll become in front of them. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, sometimes it’s TERRIFYING but... it’s exciting.
To say I’m a mirror is a simplification. I’m like one of those magic mirrors that tries to be what you most desire but ends up creating a terrifying abomination. It’s not that I’ve got bad social skills or I’m bad at reading people, it’s just that I apply them in precisely the wrong way all the time.
I’m not proud of this, there’s no virtue in being what somebody else desires at the expense of yourself. I’m also far from unique, it’s an extremely common affliction for people coming from shitty families or other bad environments where they NEEDED to erase themselves to survive. The ego is a powerful thing, even if you were never in physical danger it doesn’t mean you weren’t fighting for your life, your reason to exist, every single day.
It’s a shame, really.
And there IS a person inside me. I’ve seen glimpses of them. Getting excited about stupid things, going on spontaneous adventures, making cool stuff for themselves and themselves only. I want to let them out of their goddamn box, but the moment anybody else so much as GLANCES in my direction they scurry back to hide under that blanket of imitation.
I mean it’s a valid question, what even is authenticity anyway? Certainly being authentic shouldn’t be conflated with being an asshole. I think it’s good to take other people’s needs into account, even if they conflict with your own. You don’t need to be your “full self” for every second, especially if that conflicts with someone you’re close to.
But that’s the thing, it’s a choice. You’re choosing to not be loud or not get angry in order to respect somebody’s needs or traumas. No matter how much time you spend with them you will never question whether you are able to be those things, because you know that you are a loud and exciting person at heart.
Now remove that bedrock. Imagine somebody telling you that they would prefer if you didn’t use the letter “M” in conversation, and never questioning it for a second. You spend a few hours with the person, and you start to wonder how you even used it before. It’s a bad letter, you think, they have a few good points.
The person didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t brainwash you, they merely made you aware of a preference. It was the appropriate thing to do, they probably didn’t expect you to follow it.
But then they leave. And you find yourself still not using that letter, still looking over your shoulder every time somebody else does. It’s absurd. It’s a joke.
That person could be dead and you’ll still live your life not stepping on their cracks. They have completely left the equation.
This is not consideration. This is obsession.
The mere idea that somebody could be offended by this action, no matter how innocuous is going to haunt you for years. It joins the family of ghosts riding on your shoulders, always whispering in your ear.
You’ll never be good enough.
You’ll never satisfy them all.
But the good thing is, they have a tendency to leave. It can take years. Decades even, but through time and hard work you can stop looking over your shoulder. When they leave, however, the question remains... what is left?
If I can be anything, who am I?
Shoutout to my gay “friend” for the all-time worst response to hearing someone is struggling with trans-femme questioning: “Don’t worry, I’ve always wanted to fuck you so you’re definitely a guy”
Yes this all of this
new DB Cooper theory: he went up
DB Cooper, renowned paramotorist and part time seagull.

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I honestly don’t know why I’m using Shizuru as my pfp for this... I haven’t read Rewrite in literal years. She’s stuck with me though, that blind devotion to her parents despite their total (albeit magically induced) indifference still kinda haunts me.
I could probably write a treatise on how I relate to her... The whole idea of trying desperately to help your parents when it’s really not your responsibility, when they’re doing perfectly fine, when they don’t even WANT your help... but still that urge to lose yourself in helping them and earn the respect you so badly need. I’m sure kids from fucked up households the world over can relate to that, many more than I can. At least I wasn’t physically abused by anyone other than myself.
Well now I know why I like her so much. Her parents never physically abused her. She was loved and protected. But when she yelled at them, stood up for her needs and demanded they stop fighting, she lost everything. It’s a codependent’s worst nightmare. This is why we accept abuse to prevent being cast aside. She’s living in a void state, financially and physically independent but mentally chained.
Much like I kind of am now. Except... my parents still remember me. Well, I haven’t shouted at them.
Not yet.
I... don’t believe in homeopathy anymore. I’m happy for the people who do, placebo is extremely powerful, but it’s just not for me. A happy realization, as I’m breaking away from my parents and have made at least ONE decision for myself.
Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to be who I really am one day.
Realizing I like wearing undershirts so much because it means I can’t feel my chest hair. UGH GO AWAY GENDER LET ME LIVE IN PEACE
tumblr giveaway!
reblog this post for your chance to be KIDNAPPED by the BIRD KING!
rules:
only reblogs count
no giveaway blogs
you dont have to be following me
the BIRD KING has not given me the full details on what he plans to do with the person he kidnaps
from what i know, i believe he plans to make you his BIRD QUEEN
or possibly BIRD KING-CONSORT or if you prefer gender-neutral terms then just BIRD CONSORT. it does not matter. the BIRD KING is PANSEXUAL
the giveaway will end WHEN THE BIRD KING DEMANDS IT
leave your inbox open, ill contact the winner on where and when they will be KIDNAPPED by the BIRD KING
good luck!
Come to me bird king, let me show you the meaning of disappointment
I opens the Twitter
I reads "The use of birthing persons in political discourse is excluding women from a conversation about their rights"
I closes the Twitter

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Honestly don't know what's keeping me from actively sobbing 24/7...
Oh right Prozac
My least favorite hobby is hate-reading trans discourse on twitter, but I can’t seem to stop. I must enjoy being miserable I guess :(
Sorry that’s a stupid fucking attitude I learned from my mom. I don’t “enjoy” being miserable. Being miserable is comfortable, it’s what I’m used to. I literally don’t know how to exist without constantly attacking myself.
So no, it is not my fault that I seek out things that make me feel bad about myself and saying it is is shitty and counterproductive. My parents and upbringing made me this way, and I’ve got to be kind to myself as I move away from it.
Hard and scary as that is.
My least favorite hobby is hate-reading trans discourse on twitter, but I can’t seem to stop. I must enjoy being miserable I guess :(
My gender is the Mario Kart Mystery Box right now. Before you refer to me please roll a dice with pronouns on it.
On this last day of Pride Month,
No matter what pride flags you wave, have stowed in the closet waiting for the chance to hold em high, or figuring out which one to hold but know you want to hold one.
I'm proud of you, and support you no matter what 💖

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Just three more hours of this shit and then I can go grocery shopping. Who knows what I'll buy...
Sitting in my cube both too exhausted to move and too frantic to focus on work. Not to mention the work is mind numbingly boring.