#adhd?

I I hate the genetic probability of adhd. I hate that I will not fucking know for ages. I hate that nobody will get me diagnosed because it doesn’t look like I’m struggling. I hate that I believe them and I hate that I’m drowning but I keep convincing myself I’m not. I hate that I never feel supported I hate that I always forget everything I hate that I’m awkward and I try to hard because I know deep down I’m not fucking normal I’m not like everybody else because I forgot something so crucial in my development that everyone else has. I hate that I barely even know what’s normal anymore. I hate that everybody justifies what I do because they are neurodivergent too. I hate that a small part of me thinks I’m neurodivergent and what I hate more is that I feel like I keep putting down an amazing community because I don’t want to be apart of it so badly. I hate that I choke up when I talk or think about it. I don’t want to recognize everything I’m trying so hard to shove down, and I guess in an away it’s already been seen. Everyn if its through blurry eyes and a bruised body. I hate who I probably am. And I hate who I’m trying to be. I hate that I’ll never know which side of the room to stand on. If I’m allowed to call myself disabled, if I’m even doing bad enough to be considered a disabled man. Maybe I’m none of those things. Maybe I’m just some freak who needs to get his life together but he’s just choosing not to. Maybe I’ll never know the root of any of this

Some nights are just strange. Sometimes no matter how tired I am, I just can't go to sleep. My head is just filled with constant noise. It's honestly exhausting.

HOW is the adhd brain capable of forgetting why I was unlocking my phone immediately after unlocking it???