The Last Five Years: We were happy for ten minutes
Bring It On: just like the movies but better because Lin-Manuel Miranda
Dogfight: All My Friends Are Dead by: Eddie Birdlace
American Psycho: Benjamin Walker's abs ft. Jennifer Damiano
Spring Awakening: horny German teenagers make me cry thirty times
Gypsy: Broadway dance moms
In the Heights: remember Lin Manuel Miranda before Hamilton?
Jersey Boys: we're all shitty people but at least we're shitty people who can sing
How to Succeed in Business: life is good if you can lie
Daddy Long Legs: haha she said "daddy"
Children of Eden: the bible ft. belting
Tick, Tick...Boom: Remember Jonathan Larson before Rent?
Urinetown: urine jokes and Hunter Foster
A Chorus Line: we're all suffering so we cover up our emotions with dancing
Newsies: hot gay teenage boys stomp a lot
The Book of Mormon: we're all suffering so we cover up our emotions with religion
Footloose: let hiM BE A DANCER!!!1!!
Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown: crazy women take lots of Valium
Next to Normal: crazy woman takes a lots of Valium
Avenue Q: ruining your childhood one song at a time
Bullets Over Broadway: Zach Braff can sing?
If/Then: Elphaba marries Roger
Parade: JRB can't write anything happy
Honeymoon in Vegas: JRB finally writes something happy
Ragtime: everyone's a little bit racist but it's okay because it's 1910
The Full Monty: suicide and strippers
Jekyll and Hyde: Frank Wildhorn needs to chill
Wonderland: Frank Wildhorn really needs to chill
Bonnie and Clyde: Frank Wildhorn finally finds his chill
Catch Me if You Can: Aaron Tveit ignores his feelings with jazz numbers
Merrily We Roll Along: we were all happy for like ten minutes
Spelling Bee: guy from Modern Family ft. erection song
[title of show]: what musical theatre majors go through after college
Calvin Berger: Cyrano with horny teenagers
Legally Blonde: Laura Bell Bundy can belt my face off
Little Women: Jo isn't straight but alright whatever
Assassins: kill a president and all your problems will be solved
Clinton the Musical: the best thing to come out of Broadway in 50 years
Carrie: Matilda with murder
Rent: we're all dead inside but it's alright
Jasper in Deadland: we're all dead inside but it's not alright
Falsettos: family is important ft. the guy from into the woods
Company: love is stupid and so are all of you
Evening Primrose: literally wh a t the fuck
The Frogs: literALLY WH A T THE FUCK
School of Rock: these kids have more talent in their left pinkies than you ever will
The Addams Family: she's being pulled in a new direction
Aladdin: seriously SO much better than the movie
Bare: horny American teenagers make me cry thirty times
Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson: everyone hates Andrew Jackson boo hoo
The Bridges of Madison County: Kelli O'Hara needs to stop being perfect immediately
Finding Neverland: somebody wrote fanfiction about J.M. Barrie
Fun Home: you're gonna cry a lot
Heathers: literally fuckin chill
Hamilton: literally fuckin chill (reprise)
Love's Labour's Lost: horny college students are horny college students
Meet John Doe: Heidi Blickenstaff can belt my face off
Pippin: sad gay circus boy
Shrek: everyone makes fun of this musical but it's seriously amazing????
Something Rotten: 16th century fanfiction
Tuck Everlasting: become best friends with your kidnappers
Waitress: Deep Dish Blueberry Pie
Sweeney Todd: Deep Shit Blueberry Pie
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