when (x) died i didn't ever dream of her, and i didn't think anything of it because i dream so rarely anyway, and then (y) died and i dreamt of both of them, together.
and i woke up and thought: Oh.
the oddest thing is that i feel the same way as Isabella Taves wrote, that there's something impolite or inappropriate about speaking of any of this. like it's some quietness that i shouldn't disturb with my chatter, not that i could, any more than you can disturb a forest by laughing in it, but all the same: quiet, quiet, shh be quiet.
i don't know what any of this means.
