playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

hey Kickstarter my project is i want to send a MRI machine back to caveman times to heal them #HealAllCavemen

her name is pinky pony and she loves to go on a party. so get that through your thick fucking skull

What if everything gets better in 2016

humans should be able to do a special Ultra Sleep after major life accomplishments where you're just out for like 32 hours or something and then you wake up fully refreshed in every way

it's been months and I'm still baffled by how this one-sentence post keeps getting so many responses that go "this exists except without the last part of the sentence"

there should be a tumblr without piss poor reading comprehension

we already have that except with piss poor reading comprehension, which i assume is like an extraneous detail rather than a major part of the point you're making

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

dude hes three….

And uncultured. Get a new child

going with the flow in a face down in a river kinda way

*tricks you cutely* it's my trick...!

I MISS THE HEADPHONE JACK FUCK YOU!!!!!!

puts my roommate's very fluffy ragdoll cat in an empty field and thousands of sparrows pluck him bald for nesting material in seconds