hearts exploding.

how do I explain to my mom that I’m not mad at my sister, not because I am a forgiving and kind person, but because she lost me. she finally crossed my threshold. a threshold that I can count on one hand that people never come back from. I will be perfectly civil and kind and smile like a good daughter. but she can’t hurt me anymore because she already destroyed me worse than I thought my sister ever could. I am numb to her.

reads one john green novel and is immediately transported back into my angsty late high school/early college years.

to whom it may concern.

somewhere. somehow. someway. something.

it's not my time to love you. but maybe someday it will be again.

I can't remember the last time I was this happy. I'm thriving in it. Even if just for now.

I think that lately I have become too dependent on the opinion of others. When I was in high school I was so private that it hurt, and in college I have done my best to reach out more and talk more and it has only made me more insecure. I need to find a balance, and I think I need to go back to my shitty angsty posts because at least it let me get through things on my own neurotic terms.