closer.

alright, more harsh responses. obviously, noel had made a wrong move, but where? he had assured brooks his feelings are gone, and now brooks was calling him an ass and telling him to go away. it didn’t–

fuck. 

the school supplies store, when brooks apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. noel took it as the dante situation, but was brooks referring to the party? were the feelings still there? he thought they’d be long gone, but maybe brooks did really have feelings for him… and twice now, it looked like noel had shut him down. it made sense, but maybe that was self-absorbed to think. 

what were his choices, though? let brooks go away without inquiring what was wrong and probably never talk to him the same again before they both left boston, or… even if it was scary, try to explain himself.

“ brooks–sorry, before you, i, uh. brooks, do you still have feelings for me? “ he said it quietly, his voice trembling. it could be the final nail in the coffin that held their friendship, but even if it was, there was only a year until noel was out of there. he had to face the potential issue. sure, they were in a crowd of people, but everybody was probably too into their own conversations to hear them anyways, and brooks was more important than them. “ m-maybe that’s dumb of me to say, especially with araminta, but i just–i thought you were avoiding me because i was acting more than platonically towards you. “ 

maybe it was over, and noel would continue being a dumb academic nerd who had romantic feelings for people way out of his league. he hated even making the comparison, brooks was so much nicer than dante, but still… those fucking lacrosse kids. even if it was over, at least he tried.

Did he even have to ask? Brooks was the type of person who wore his heart on his sleeve. No matter how much he tried to hide things with a smile or a shrug, he knew it had to be clear as day how he felt, deep down inside. Regardless, he didn’t want to say the words out loud, because he was convinced Noel was just toying with him on purpose. 

Brooks was flakey with his crushes, falling in and out of love with random girls, who didn’t necessarily have anything in common with him or with each other, and then, out of the blue, he found himself attracted to a guy. Brooks never questioned it, he rarely did, and just asked the boy out on a whim. They dated briefly, very briefly, until the other made it clear he wasn’t interested anymore, which was quite a bitter pill to swallow. 

Usually, it was Brooks who lost interest, and who did the dumping part, not the other way around. Perhaps not being able to accept rejection was the reason why he continued to be drawn to him, or maybe... maybe it was something deeper than that. It was a silly thing to think about, because whatever it was, his feelings weren’t reciprocated. 

“Why don’t you like me?” It seemed like a childish thing to ask, and there was a part of him that immediately regretted posing the question, but there was no taking it back now. “Is it.. Is it because of the way I look, or...” The vain boy spoke softly, embarrassed by his own words, by his own insecurities. Brooks swallowed hard, then bit his teeth down on his lower lip. “Or do you think I’m... dumb? Is that why?” 

seth: sounds like you're saying you might need past sexts later even if i know that's not what you mean

seth: that'd be kinda sad but also kinda funny

brooks: i mean, do YOU ever delete your sexts?

“The one… where we had to kiss?” His tone is reluctant, unsure if he should have brought it up if Brooks had forgotten. He didn’t want to make things more awkward between them. He needed his best friend. He nodded. It was hard to believe that it would all be alright at this time, but he didn’t want to make Brooks feel helpless. “Thanks. You’re probably right.” He tries not to react too quickly when Brooks mentions feeling bad for Araminta. There’s a dissonance in Seth whenever someone mentions feeling sympathy for her. “I know it’s probably fair for you to feel bad and want to help her. I’ve… shared that mindset before, but I can’t be in it for too long.” Not without feeling guilty at some point. “I know that’s probably unfair and I don’t really like it either, but…” He trailed off, hoping Brooks would understand without more elaboration.

“Ooh, I remember that part! I just didn’t remember it was Ezra who gave you that dare. Huh, that’s kinda weird. Maybe it was just his way of letting you know he’s over you or something?” Brooks guessed, before realizing that that was probably not something Seth was hoping to hear. “Uh, or maybe he’s just bluffing. Yeah, that’s got to be the reason.” Being flakey with crushes himself, he didn’t actually think Ezra was still interested in Seth, but he didn’t want to hurt his friend’s feelings even more than he already had. “No, I totally get it. I mean, you’re probably right. Maybe I should just try to keep my distance from now on and hope she somehow forgets I exist?”

“Oh shit true. I have a killer data plan though,” he thought out loud in response. “If I don’t study then I’m going to be like half a year behind at this rate. I just don’t get this stuff. What books did she borrow?” Ethan asked, eager for any distraction at this point. Plus he was far more interested in the topic of books than he was on the topic of algebra. 

“Maybe they just really want to prepare us for the worst case scenario. Like, the apocalypse, a world without internet, I don’t know,” Brooks guessed. It didn’t matter much to the boy either way, because he hardly ever studied. Lucky for him, excelling at sports had it’s perks at Houghton. “Um, some sappy romance novels. I didn’t check the titles, I’m just the delivery boy, but I can ask her, if you’re looking for recs,” he teased. “Reading isn’t my thing, sorry.” 

kings: ruining the innocence of houghton youth

kings: i approve

brooks: uhh, i didn't do that on purpose

being sensitive to people’s energies was a blessing and a curse for noel. sure, he got to sense feelings well, but he also got scared if anybody’s tone changed even slightly. his mind immediately went to a place where he thought he must’ve done something wrong. so, he knew almost immediately that brooks didn’t want to talk to him, and this was only heightened by his harsh question. 

he really had been that clingy, huh? brooks wasn’t the first to call out his clinginess, yet it apparently just kept happening. noel had a tendency to hold on to anybody who liked him enough to be genuinely nice to him. he never had a true best friend, and maybe that caused him to get easily attached. but knowing that he was overwhelming brooks pained him, that was the last thing he wanted to do. 

“ i mean not really, “ he joked, forcing a laugh at the part-truth. noel had friends, but he struggled to get close to people. brooks had been easy for him to get close to, for whatever reason–well, probably his attraction to him, but that was beside the point. “ brooks, i– what? being like what? your friend? you act like i can’t be your friend. or is that just it? you’re the captain of the swim team, on lacrosse, everything. why be around me? “ he knew it was a harsh accusation, but it plagued his mind. even during their time dating, noel was worried despite truly enjoying the relationship. why him? he took a deep breath, deciding he had to face the issue head-on, “ brooklyn, i don’t blame you for flirting with me at the party. you were drunk, you don’t have to worry about it. of course i don’t want you, and i’m sorry if i’ve let on something different. i know you have a girlfriend and probably a plethora of people you have your eyes on, and i’m sorry i was too close. “ 

it was a lie. so much of a lie that noel couldn’t even look at brooks while saying it, instead darting his eyes to the side. it glazed over the fact that noel couldn’t sleep after the party because he thought about brooks’ words being true, but no. they couldn’t be, they were too good to be true. he kept liking people who were above him socially, despite nothing being there, and he couldn’t burden brooks with that fact by overthinking his drunk flirting. noel struggled to not cry, why would he cry? he was the one who ended the relationship because of timing, insecurities, and overall cowardice. he had to realize it was over, that even if brooks once had feelings for him, they were now long gone. 

‘Of course I don’t want you’ The words kept repeating in his ears, shattering his heart into little pieces. Though there was a part of him that saw this coming, it was rough, unnecessarily harsh, especially coming for someone who Brooks considered to be so sweet and innocent. It was cruel of Noel to rub it in, and it confirmed to Brooks that his worst suspicions were true, that that all of this was just a game to the other. Most likely, the boy never even liked him to begin with. It wasn’t the first time Brooks had gotten rejected, but no one had ever made him feel so dumb and worthless before. It was like Noel was doing it on purpose.

The rest of his words didn’t even register with Brooks anymore. He was too angry, too hurt and upset to continue to listen to him. “You’re such an ass, wow...” Brooks shook his head in disbelief once the other stopped talking. “Okay, then why don’t you just leave me alone?” He had no reason to be friends with someone that rude and manipulative. It would only cause more drama, and he already had way more than he bargained for in that department. Brooks wanted to say something harsh back, but decided to bite his tongue. There was no point in picking an argument with the boy. As much as it made him feel terribly, Noel could love and date whoever he wanted. It was his choice. 

“Go hang out with your other friends then. I... I can’t be around you right now,” he replied, adjusting his shoulder bag as he turned on his heels. “I need time to get over this, okay? And it doesn’t help when you’re always... there.

seth: why do you keep eight months worth of sexts in your phone

brooks: i just don't really delete texts?

brooks: i don't want to delete stuff i might need later.

brooks: good news! i got my phone back!

He cringes slightly when Brooks puts it so plainly in words, but Seth knows it’s also the truth. He did ruin a relationship and it doesn’t sit well with him whenever he’s reminded of it. He’s tried making amends, but Araminta’s made it clear that she won’t forgive and forget. He dips his chin slightly at his friend’s question. “No, I haven’t. The closest thing to an interaction was that game of truth or dare at the party, I don’t know why he chose that dare,” he says with a frown. “I don’t know if he was trying to say something.” His brows knit together as he hears about his friend’s predicament. “And you have to follow what she says? Besides the money, does she have anything on you?”

“Wait, what dare are you talking about?” Brooks asked, giving the other a puzzled look. Most of that night was just a blur to him. “I’m sure it will be alright, Seth. And even if it doesn’t... I mean, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, right? It would be Ezra’s loss, not the other way around,” he tries his hardest to cheer his friend up, because seeing him so upset break his heart a little bit. “I... No, I guess not, but there’s like, a part of me that feels bad for her and wants to help her.” 

i'm pretty sure we all have at one point?? but i’m straight. mostly. i think.