[Hello Internet]

— Mark Haddon, A Spot of Bother (via books-n-quotes)

The dangers and troubles of being a panda zookeeper.

And he’s pretty good at it, so he’s a diamond-level guest at all the harrahs casinos, meaning they always comp his room and meals. My mom has a second job with her friend’s modeling company, and they were working a banquet in Vegas. My moms main job is as a flight attendant though, so we fly free. So my dad just took off to Vegas the night of my moms job, and when they were done, he took her and all her model friends (7 of them) to a fancy-ass restaurant. He’s friends with one of the waiters there just from visiting so often, but they don’t know much about my dads life/job/whatever. So when my dad shows up with a bunch of models, the waiter comes up and he’s like “ok dude spill. what do you do? what’s your job?” And my dads like “it’s a mystery” because he’s a mailman

Just reminding you all that this is the best scene in cinematic history.

(via quotemadness)

treat me with respect (the way i treat you), and we both enjoy each other’s company and value each other’s friendship

it’s a lot warmer under the covers if you wanna come cuddle