This is me venting, because my FP just cut me off, but...
BPD + NPD Culture is I knew you we're gonna left me. I knew it. Yes, I left first, and, yes, I left twice, and that was fucked up, but I did it because I was scared of you leaving first; and, now, you finally did it. You left me for some guy we both know you don't actually like, some guy that you told me wasn't your FP, that I had not to be worried about. It fucking hurts, B. It hurts so fucking much. Why did you had to chase me if you were gonna leave me. Why couldn't you just stay away. And why the fuck did I had to let you in my life again.
I felt so fucking ashamed, you know? For letting my symptoms take over me and hurt you that way despite the many times you told me you would never do something like that to someone else, because you knew what that pain was like. I fels so ashamed, and so grateful you were still there, so I tried my best to ignore my anxiety and my paranoia so I wouldn't run away again and we could stay together forever. Until the day we died. Like you told me you wanted to so many times, remember? I thought you meant it. I really did. But you left me for some fucking asshole you don't even fucking trust and that we both know can't take care of you for shit. So much for being twins flames, huh.
You helped me a lot, you really did. You quite fucking literally saved my life. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and you being gone doesn't change that fact, me not wanting to ever see you again doesn't change that fact. I don't think I'll ever get over you. I don't know if I wanna. A part of me firmly believes you're gonna come back, when that bastard messes up and your symptoms act up and you need the only one person who can truly help you through it (your words, not mine), and I know that if you ever did I would just take you back. Try to comfort you. Do anything so I become worthy of you staying away. But I don't want that. I don't want you to come back because if you already did it once, you absolutely can do it twice, and more. And I don't want to be abandoned again and again over some pathetic, disgusting piece of shit such as him, or anyone that could come after him for that matter.
I know why you left. I understand. I would have done the same. That doesn't change the fact that right now I want you to suffer. I want that fucker to hurt you so you realize what did you just throw away.
There's not a nice way to end this. I'm so fucking numb right now. I feel empty.
Bye, B. Please never talk to me again.
