BPD & Me

“You will be too much for some people. Those aren’t your people.”

“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”

If someone is wearing makeup in the pool, don’t deliberately splash them. If someone has done their hair nicely, don’t mess it up. If someone in a t-shirt has scars on their arms, don’t ask them about it. If someone doesn’t want to get in the water, don’t push them. If someone still wants to wear jeans, don’t laugh at them for it. If someone has sweat patches, don’t point them out. If someone’s chest is obviously prominent, don’t stare. If you can see someone’s underwear/ binder, don’t comment on it. If someone is blatantly covering something up, don’t try to reveal it.

You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world.

But darling, The beautiful thing about me is that I do not pick favourites Wealth, social status, bone structure, or facial features mean nothing to me I can conquer you all One by one, destroying you from the inside out Until you hate yourself with such gut-wrenching disgust Until you cry more than you smile Until you long for an escape from my grasp I will conquer you all But darling, Do not forget, I will be the only one there for you After I lure you away from everyone and everything Until you have no one left but me I am your only comfort I am your only guidance I am your only hideaway You will learn to trust me But darling, I want to swallow you whole and consume your entire being We can become the best of friends And spend every day and every night together Until you would rather lie awake with me than lie with sleep Until you would rather dine with me than dine with food Until you would rather play with me than play with happiness We will become one But darling, The most beautiful thing of all is I am not the one who needs to destroy you Because you so willingly do that on your own One day you start to feel discontent and alone One day you start to feel angry and panicked One day you start to feel empty and dead Until one day you have had enough But darling, I just want to help you Help you escape your sadness Help you escape your mind Help you escape yourself You just need a little guidance But darling, Everyone is trying to keep me away from you I love you And understand you more than anyone ever will That is why I need to help you Just pull this trigger We can be together forever

You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.