sal

is it autoandrophilia or am i a repressed transmasc or am i both

i’ve had dysphoria before, top dysphoria when I was 14 and identified as a trans man, but since then i’ve been identifying as a nonbinary/genderfluid transmasc. i’ve discovered a lot about my gender and feel pretty confident in it at this point but I’ve still always had this feeling that i might be happier if i take testosterone.

however i’ve had bouts of bottom dysphoria lately and maybe even for a few years, even having dreams of having a penis and a vagina. i don’t think i’d want a penis all the time, i never think of it like that, i mainly just want to see what it’s like to jerk off. i really want a dick just to feel it get hard pretty much. i want to live with it for at least one day and see what it’s like. i’d also settle for bottom growth, which is probably the route i’d go if i were to change anything about my body. i really really want a t-dick and feel sad i don’t have one. however i’m afraid to take T for many reasons, mainly the many body changes I’d rather go without and coming out to my family. it’s a big step im not ready to take just because I want one bodily change.