dah bouncing penguin

So there is this Japanese comedy show that I watch called Mechaike led by this comedy duo I love called Ninety-Nine. The show is just plain silly but my FAVORITE thing is every year they surprise Japanese celebrities with a pop quiz–actually it’s a pop exam that tests middle-school-level material in 5 standard school subjects: Japanese, Math, Science, Social Studies, and of course, my absolute favorite, English. They then go over some of their individual incorrect answers and the poor “students” have to endure the humiliation. The answers are, um, creative sometimes, but hey, do you remember anything you learned in middle school? Below were the highlights from this year’s English section (with my commentary) because they are just so ridiculous and I need to share them with someone. If you ever wondered why so much of printed English in Japan is incorrect, well, now you know. If “(Japanese)” comes before it, I translated the answer/question from Japanese.

Please answer the following English question in English Question: How are you? Answer 1: I hain saikyou Answer 2: You are you?

I love that “I hain saikyou” is like barely the gist of the vowel sounds in “I’m fine, thank you.”

Please translate the following Japanese words into English (Japanese) Breakfast    Lunch      Dinner Answers:    Brekfast      Toofast     Midnightfast

(Japanese) 1      10      100         1000 Answers:     One Ten    Oneten   Onetenten

(Japanese) January February March April May June July August September October November December Answers: Anvarsar Randret Chainareu Aprlru Feverare Ohdorey Juraai Oktpas SheShenbar Oktowbay Daibay Fainal

I HIGHLY recommend saying these out loud.

Please translate the following Japanese phrases into English (Japanese) What will be the result be if I roll the dice? Answer: This saikoro to naniga.

“Saikoro” is Japanese for “dice”, “naniga” means “what”.

Please translate the following English phrases into Japanese Failure teaches success. Answer (Japanese): Teaching soccer with a flute.

Killing two birds with one stone. Answer (Japanese): On top of a bird for two years, on top of a stone for one year.

The teacher put it nicely when he said, “If you can sit on a bird for two years, why could you only sit on the stone for one? Isn’t sitting on a bird more difficult? It’s probably dead by then, right?”

Damon took a bath after he had done the dishes. Answer (Japanese): After his birthday, his head exploded.

They provided a nice visual aid for this one:

Christina’s job is to read the news clearly and carefully. Answer (Japanese): Cheese works great with this cauliflower curry.

Jessica Williams gave a speech the protesters at the Women’s March in Park City would never forget