#plays

Anne Carson (2009)

Arthur S. Way (1898)

George Theodoridis (2010)

Ian C. Johnston (2010)

E.P. Coleridge (1910)

Theodore Alois Buckley (1892)

John Peck, Frank Nisetich (1995)

R. Potter (1906)

M. L. West (1987)

William Arrowsmith (1958)

Philip Vellacott (1972)

Michael Wodhull (1782)

Kenneth McLeish (1997)

David Kovacs (2002)

Andrew Wilson (1993)

These violent delights have violent ends

And in their triumph die, like fire and powder

Which, as they kiss, consume

And what about the audience? You can’t expect to have the same audience for different performances of the "same" play, and you certainly can’t expect everyone to behave exactly as they did in a previous one. A cough, a whisper, or even the disruptive ring of a phone — all of these ripple through the space, shaping not only the audience’s experience, but also the actors’ performance itself. The theater is an exchange, a living, breathing dialogue between those who perform and those who witness. As such, even if you watch the “same” play five times, you are, in truth, watching five distinct performances — five unique creations that will never exist again.

This singularity is not the only wonder of theater. There is also its lack of a fixed, final product. Each play leaves an impression, an aftertaste, a mark, so to speak, on the spectator, but that’s all you are left with. With cinema, the final product is the movie. With theater, there is no such thing. With plays, every minute is the product of itself. Its finality lies in its continuity.

Of course, some might argue that this notion collapses once a performance is recorded. But trying to record a theatrical performance is a futile pursuit; it’s like attempting to capture the moon and its light with an average phone camera. The essence slips through your grasp. The beauty of theater is that every second counts. There is no final creation because each second is a creation, constantly metamorphosing into the next, and the next, until the whole experience dissolves into memory, an aftertaste, a mark. The beauty of theater lies in its immediacy. Every second matters, for every second is a creation in its own right, an act of becoming that dissolves as it unfolds. In this way, theater mirrors life itself.

Both theater and life resist finality. Their "product" is their continuity. This is why theater so often serves as a metaphor for life. Both in theater and in life, every second matters because, at the end of it all, there is no final product. In the end, all that remains is a memory, an aftertaste, a mark left on those we have touched.

Man, don’t I love theater!

Shakespeare died very young and only got to write around seven plays, only four of which survive today. Here is a fact about each:

The Two Gentlemen of Verona: With a cast of only a two people, this absurdist play about two men waiting for a third at a train station was not well known in Shakespeare's time, or before or after his time.

The Taming of the Shrew: Shakespeare sprung to popularity with this romantic comedy that invented many tropes still ubiquitous in romantic comedy today, such as virulent misogyny.

Henry IV, V and VI: Shakespeare made this trilogy hoping to make a later prequel trilogy about Henry I, II, and III. Sadly that trilogy was decried for its overuse of abacus generated effects.

Titus Andronicus: I once tried to tell someone how I liked Julie Taymor's "Titus" more than her "Tempest" but my finger missed the U and now she thinks I just like the director's tits. I'm sure they're fine but her Titus is a really amazing, wild adaptation.

Richard III: The play that gave us that line about the winter of discontent and glorious summer.

Edward III: The play that gave us another line, this time about the autumn of ambivalence and spring of mattress.

The Comedy of Errors: Shakespeare's darkest tragedy.

Love's Labour's Lost: Some guys swear off of women for three years and sadly have no gay sex whatsoever. His worst work.

Love's Labour's Won: I made this up to follow the last one as a joke, but apparently Shakespeare beat me to it.

Richard II: Shakespeare's first proper sequel, but often considered a prequel because of how math worked in Shakespeare's native Victorian era of the 1750s.

Romeo and Juliet: The lead actress in Shakespeare's production was not allowed into the play because it contained nudity: Of her. From then on, Shakespeare's leading ladies were played by men. She still wasn't allowed to see them though, because they now contained more flopping naked dicks than were deemed appropriate (37).

A Midsummer Night's Dream: Based on a dream Shakespeare had one late winter day. And also Pyramus and Thisbe for some reason.

King John: The true tale of the invention of the toilet. The first play to include an audience "Splash Zone."

The Merchant of Venice: Least requested play at the ADL Theater for 400 years running.

The Merry Wives of Windsor: A play about why we fly flags at half mast during mourning. That's what Falstaff means right?

Much Ado About Nothing: Apparently "Nothing" was slang for vagina back then. Not unreality. The play is called "Much Ado About Pussy" and like half of it is sexual innuendo.

Julius Caesar: The play that popularized the line "Et Tu Brute?" This line is called a "Macaronic" line because it tastes like meringue.

As You Like It: His worst reviewed film.

Hamlet: Hamlet never really says "Alas Poor Yorick" in the play, the actual line is "Beam me up, Yorick."

Twelfth Night: A play written about Shakespeare's regret that his wife Anne Hathaway was not a guy. She would later be played by Anne Hathaway. I wonder if she bought a second bed with her earnings...

Troilus and Cressida: A bunch of Greeks bring gifts.

Measure for Measure: The story of how measurements were first based on the King's finger (inch) foot (foot) arm (yard) and after his execution, intestine (teu).

Othello: Shakespeare's take on race relations, which involved several people who changed from black to white and vice versa depending on who surrounded them in a line. This play would become the inspiration for the popular board game, "Go."

All's Well That Ends Well: Shakespeare's most gruesome ending ever, in which everyone is chopped up and thrown in a... Cistern.

King Lear: The tale of a king who couldn't stop staring at people.

Timon of Athens: The story of a man who spends all his money on sycophants and ends up living in a cave, but never loses his faith in people. Nah just kidding he also gets herpes.

Pumba of Athens: This was a stupid joke and I can't think of a good punchline. Please write yours in the notes.

Macbeth: The coolest level in the original Star Fox for Super Nintendo. Not unreality.

Antony and Cleopatra: The story of Marc Antony and his duet "No Me Ames" with Jennifer Lopez.

Pericles, Prince of Tyre: The story of the first tire salesman in England, who went out of business because the wheel was not invented until long after Shakespeare died.

Coriolanus: Ever have a friend who's a dick about something he's wrong about and then changes his mind and becomes an even bigger dick now that he agrees with you? This is That: The Play.

The Winter's Tale: A story about a bear that's hibernated in a cave for the season and now has to pursue an exit.

Cymbeline: The story of how a printer messed up the name Innogen and now we have an actor named "Imogen Poots" as a result.

The Tempest: Shakespeare's adaptation of playwright Cyril Hume's "Forbidden Planet."

Cardenio: Shakespeare's bootleg of Man of La Mancha by Cervantes, which was like two years old at the time this was made. It was hit by an early form of YouTube's copyright algorithm and is now lost.