I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

I always am about to go to sleep at a beautiful 11pm and then something happens to me

gotta take this stupid ass piss before going to bed

all emojis need an eyebags option

the human mind wasnt made to comprehend 30 dollars

he’s just meandering in all the footage, not knocking over trash cans or doing anything, just walking for his health I guess

you do NOT want to be a vampire. sit down. you do NOT long for the night. you have seasonal depression. you would miss garlic too much. you would get killed by other vampires because you do NOT have the social skills required to keep up the ruse. BE REALISTIC.

i love the phrase "cruel and unusual." not only is what you're doing mean but it's also quite frankly fucking bizarre

guy who is definitely not about to fall into a surprise midday nap with an aftermath worse than a hangover: it seems like a really good idea to lay in bed and get cozy under the blanket as part of my plan not to fall asleep. I do not know why.

"how was work" carries the same energy as "how was school"