is this just part of the process?

I am struggling with how clean my partner is but it's the same kind of fake clean as my mother where clutter can build up and I know it's my clutter it's my mess and my hoarding and it's like.

I know he isn't intending any of this I know this is distortion. it is torturous. to move a bunch of my shit when I cant BC my knee is fucked so my lifting capacity is far reduced and like.

finding somewhere to stash it. after last night when we're talking about how to save space and moving furniture I'm just.

I'm very confused. I don't know what the goals are.

i feel like as much as the people around me say that they still love and care for me while I'm disabled I cannot help but feel I am unable to balance the books of my life somehow?

despite not being in actual debt, I can afford my medications

but like. I never know what kind of day it's going to be. if I'll have energy or if I'll somehow break. like my knee and my ankle just decided to Be Fucked and my left shoulder is also angry and like

She's upset because I'm not working

She did this whole very thoughtful collection of finishing salts and duckfat and nice cooking materials for my partner'w birthday. I got. a bottle of gin. That was notable for us. because. its a native ant gin. that we originally bought as a present for him.

I don't know how to talk to her anymore

she doesn't seem to want to. nespresso pod coffee insult at Christmas. a walk it in booze present on my birthday.