🌻I Used to be a Better Person🌻

My heart is bleeding for you!

being alone in the dark

you don’t fit it anywhere. anywhere.

you don’t know anymore what your true identity is

every time you feel bad, it’s the worst you’ve ever been. there’s no hope.

every time you feel good, you don’t get why you ever felt bad. you can do anything.

you either speak too little or too much.

you’re either too impulsive and wild or too calm and boring.

whenever you say something, it always turns out wrong. you never know what’s the right thing to say.

if you love someone, you love like crazy. you’d literally die for them, and i’m not kidding.

if someone you care about and love says something that feels slightly off or doesn’t respond to your messages for a while, that’s it. they hate you. they never needed you. you’re trash and a waste of space.

when you hate someone, you hate hard. you split like crazy and afterwards hate yourself even more for it.

you feel like you’re always selfish and manipulative and talk about yourself too much.

you barely have control over your emotions. they hit you like a tsunami every time, leaving you drained.

you have impulses to self harm or do things that you know are blatantly stupid.

every day you want to die.

you’re pretty sure your friends are tired of you and your problems.

if you don’t let your anger out, it builds up in you and messes up your mind even more.

you have hard time making decisions.

you feel like you’re not worth shit because of the way you are.

you feel like everyone’s just lying to you because they don’t wanna be rude to you, but they all actually secretly hate you.

you don’t know yourself anymore. every day you have a different personality. 

you’re actually scared of yourself and what you might do.

you just want to love others and be loved, but it seems impossible.

you hate having bpd.

when people imagine anxiety, they always imagine risk averse behavior. you overthink, you’re deliberate, your thinking is catastrophic, and you’re always thinking through seventeen possible scenarios in which things can go wrong. 

but sometimes you’re so anxious and things feel so horrible that you do things without thinking because you want the bad feelings to stop. you say something stupid in a group chat, so you immediately leave all of your servers and block your friends so that you don’t have to see the aftermath. you’re unsure about your relationship, so you break up with your partner out of nowhere or you wake up one morning and just decide to ghost them so you don’t have to deal with it anymore. you’re uncomfortable at a party with people you don’t know, so you run outside and take the train home at 3am without realizing how dangerous that is because you just need to leave.