exorcise my mind

It’s so weird typing out a message when you’re having a split. You don’t feel any of what is it you’re saying, and instead of just naturally including “!”, “:-)”, etc. you realize your words are void of emotion, so you throw one in, even though there’s nothing behind it

do u ever feel awful and suicidal and sad and want to tell someone bc you know in your heart they care and want to help but you ALSO know that you just did this same thing yesterday and the day before and you know they’re getting tired of it and thus if you talk to someone they will eventually stop caring bc you’re just the friend who cries wolf but you just want help and don’t know how to get it

having an fp isnt a good thing. being emotionally dependent on someone so much that them looking at you wrong (or perceived to be) sends you into a depressive, self mutilative episode isnt cute, fun, or good. sorry to break it to you.

Me @ 3am, having my 283th identity crisis of the day: I should learn Japanese

intrusive thoughts before going to sleep? more like the preview for tonight’s nightmares

i do impulsive things that get me into interesting/funny/bad situations so i have stories to tell people and that seems to fool them into thinking i have a personality and aren’t actually just an amalgamation of self-destructive behaviors

i wish i didn’t go above and beyond for people who do the bare minimum in return