i am the one thing in life i can control

Tim’s mind went utterly blank as he looked down to the man in question. Jon, his face flushed, sputtered but did not deny the statement, still buried as he was into Tim's side. Tim could feel the beginnings of a smile as he gave the man a nudge. “Why Jon,” he asked in his most aghast tone. “Is that true?”

Jon didn’t respond, refusing to meet his eyes and instead grabbing at his drink to take a sizable gulp. Tim, left with no other choice but to take this as a ‘yes,’ promptly pulled him onto his lap, spilling the rest of the drink in the process and ignoring Jon’s affronted yelp. Sasha cackled and Jon immediately scowled, though the effect was lessened by how easily he sank against Tim’s chest. It was then Tim realized that this kind of open affection could very much be on the table, and hopefully without the liquid courage. Lucky for him, this turned out to be true.

So yeah, they were pretty affectionate. Enough that Sasha would roll her eyes whenever he drew Jon close, and coo whenever they left together, hand in hand. Touches became very routine for them.

And yet he’s still hopelessly endeared by the adorable sight of what Jon’s doing right now.

See, Jon usually stays later than him. He doesn’t do it quite as often as he used to, no longer pulling all nighters and sleeping on the table in the library only to be awakened by an angry custodian. But Jon’s a natural night owl and takes his job very seriously, and Tim’s not trying to change that if it’s how he works best. He’ll nudge him when he seems to be over-stressed, but Tim’s gotten used to leaving a bit before him when he’s on a particularly grueling case.

So when Tim inevitably heads out and Jon’s still there, he’ll give him a peck on the forehead, Jon usually too immersed in his work to offer much more than a distracted goodbye. Today’s no different, but as soon as he scoots his chair back, he notices Jon lift his chin minutely, eyes never leaving his laptop screen as he presents his forehead for kissing.

It’s enough of a picture that Tim pauses where he stands, his heart doing a funny jump in his chest. If he weren’t aware of what Jon was doing, he’d say he  looks just a bit snooty, as if reading an article particularly beneath him. Tim takes a brief look around to see that no, no one has noticed his boyfriend currently being the cutest person he’s ever met. 

Apparently, Tim’s taken a bit too long to ponder the sight because Jon’s brow furrows and he looks up to him with a quizzical glance, as if baffled to why he remains unkissed. “What?”

Tim shakes his head with a smile, quickly coming over to bestow the expected kiss. “Nothing. See you tomorrow?”

Jon closes his eyes for a brief moment, as if basking in the bliss of affection, before turning all business and going back to his screen. “Of course. Goodnight.”

He thinks about that little moment for the entirety of his commute home. Tim, for the past few years, hasn’t been one for long-term, committed relationships. The sting of a life recently upended didn’t leave much room for intimacy, and he really didn’t think he’d be able to stomach growing close to someone, not after what he’d seen. He hasn’t told Jon everything, and doesn’t know when he will. But for the first time in ages, he feels like he’s found someone who might understand. Who’s seen him at his worst, most sullen self, and still stuck around to discover him at his best. Who expects a kiss at the end of the day, regardless. 

It’s terrifying and Tim’s definitely reading too much into it, but that’s the cost of letting someone in. And he’s going to take it one goodnight kiss at a time until it doesn’t feel quite so scary anymore.