Diary of a loser lesbian

8/09/25

Current thoughts:

One of my favourite things to do is go on a walk, especially when the weather is good. I either listen to a podcast or some music and just go for a wander around. It helps to have good green spaces around too, love the local places.

I’ve been taking every extra shift offered to me, so when I have time to myself I really appreciate it more. This weekend one of the local basketball teams had a really cool community event and it was so fun.

I got to see some friends I hadn’t seen in a while, we joined a 3v3 tournament and won the whole thing, all in all a great day 😂 because truth be told I like to win (sometimes more than the taking part).

I have the rest of the week off so I’m definitely going to take to relax and spend time with my family and friends.

3/09/25

Current thoughts:

The gym has gotten busier, which is fine but I get overwhelmed by people sometimes and it makes me a little uncomfortable but we move. Today was fun! I’m making steady improvements and enjoying myself whilst doing it. All I see in my head is a sick cosplay coming soon.

I had time to do a deep dive into my reading, I like making notes on the documents I read because I feel so much more engaged in the process. I feel like I take in the knowledge much better also, which is important they do say knowledge is power.

Pretty chill day overall, dreading working all weekend but I will enjoy the moment I’m living in 🙏🏽

Song of the day:

2/09/25

Current thoughts:

Took my friend to get her first tattoo today , she did well, I’m so proud of her 😂🫶🏽. It made me miss getting tattooed so I think it’s time to book another appointment.

I am one of those weirdos that enjoy the pain of a tattoo, I couldn’t explain it if I tried. I just like it, I like the creativity and thought that goes into tattoos in general as well it’s such a unique form of expression.

Dragonball Sparking Zero’s defense mechanics are so whack but I am determined to get it down, I have the perception down basically but vanishing is still hard to me. But it’s still a pretty fun game, I think Tekken is still my favourite fighting game franchise though but 8 feels much much different to 7. 8 is definitely much more fluid in terms of the movements and the way you can string combos together (at least in my opinion), but I wanted to try a new game out and I was excited at the fact you can change the story if you wanted.

1/09/25

Current Thoughts:

100kg on the hex bar today 🫡 I prefer doing these over conventional deadlifts because I want less of an emphasis on my lower back. I usually walk to the gym and I miss the neighbourhood cat, he’s always around in the summer but now it’s getting a bit chillier he must be staying inside ☹️until next time.

I am treating my lovely mother to a new coffee machine for her birthday, will I also be using the coffee machine? Absolutely. Will she mind? I hope not 😭

Blessed to make it through another month, I hope September brings some joy and peace for all 🙏🏽

song of the day:

30/08/25

Current thoughts:

Had a lovely day today, watching movies and hanging out with my friends.

I’m also looking for inspiration for my winter wardrobe since it’s going to start getting chillier in the next few weeks. I’ve never really been into fashion but I want to upgrade my outfits. I wish leather jackets weren’t so expensive i’ve seen a lot of outfit inspiration with leather jackets and they look so good but they’re so pricey 😭.

I love reese’s peanut butter cups, I had some today and it was heaven. I don’t know what it is about them but I will eat anything reese’s. The pretzels are so fire, 10/10 snack.

song of the day:

29/08/25:

Current thoughts:

Gym sesssion went well, I’m having fun and that’s the most important thing. I want to improve on my lat pulldown I’ve been stuck on 59kg/130lbs for a while now. But overall I always have fun when I’m working out.

Pre work bev was an iced vanilla latte with oat milk, and it was delicious. Work was long, but it’s over now. I’m trying to change my tone with some things, I don’t “have” to do anything I “get” to do everything that either helps me live life comfortably or enjoy life.

It doesn’t make work any less long😭 but I’ve found it helpful.

song of the day:

28/08/25

Current thoughts:

Gym and reading mostly today, with some cooking and cleaning mixed in, a real domestic day. I promise my dinner tasted a lot better than it looks, unfortunately I choose function over aesthetics. That being said I actually do enjoy cooking and cleaning, I’m not a pro chef or anything (as the photo clearly shows😭) but I can make something and not give myself or others food poisoning so I mean I’m decent. Cooking at home really helps me get what I need nutrient wise, and is a fun hobby I enjoy.

I’ve said before that expressing my desire for a girlfriend is embarrassing, but thinking deeper about it I’ve found it’s less about embarrassment and more about an impending sense of doom💀. I literally fall in love in a week (scorpio sun/venus coming in clutch) and it brings me closer to psychosis than an actual relationship. I think I’m just avoiding the feeling that comes with feelings.

27/08/25

Current thoughts:

Pre work bev is the highlight of my day

I had a really good gym session today, my strength is increasing a lot and I’m proud of the progress I’m making. Will be carrying the shopping bags with ease, I’m not a two trip sucker.

Social anxiety gets me more and more each day, why is it so hard to speak to people 💀 day by day I will try to get better at socialising. My friends say I must “put myself out there” more so I can open myself up to more friendships or relationships, so it can’t hurt to actually try it in my real life.

song of the day:

26/08/25

Current thoughts:

Had a little shopping trip today, I always say I don’t have anymore space for dvds and books but it doesn’t stop me from getting them.

I am very grateful for my friends that let me talk about my interests even if they don’t always know what’s going on, I feel so seen and so heard. I appreciate that.

25/08/25

Current thoughts:

Had a well needed break from work and I was able to go to the gym and relax for the rest of the day. Tomorrow I’m going to do some cooking and run some errands and hopefully have a lot of time to read, I would have today but I was so tired from work my brain would not have been fully engaged.

I must confront my feelings head on (I want a gf, but admitting it to myself seems so embarrassing ). I know the feeling is uncomfortable, but sitting with it and accepting that I actually do have desires beyond platonic connections is the best thing I can do. I love yearning in theory and not practice 😭

Grateful for today, and grateful that I will wake up tomorrow and have something to look forward to.

song of the day:

24/08/25:

Current thoughts:

Whoever was in production when they made this drink, count your days.

I love my friends, we always get into deep topics over a bottle of something and a terrible netflix reality tv show. Unearthing the secrets of the universe with your friends makes life worth living. Gender, sexuality, relationships, politics, religion, my document ranking all the pre christian bale batman movies😭😭 we talked about it all. I am very grateful for my friends.

Navigating the world as a person of colour is hard and sometimes community is really what brings you through life’s challenges. Get into the deep topics with your friends, there is no such thing as TMI.

22/08/25:

Current thoughts:

Work killed me today, but it’s okay because tomorrow is another day (I’m going to work tomorrow too).

I had a good workout today, I love back workouts the most. I enjoy how much you can track progress in the gym, my favourite part has actually been making spreadsheets to track my progress😭 sad but true.

21/08/25

Current thoughts:

Had a sibling day out with the sibs to watch superman. I’ll never say it to their faces because we all have huge egos, but I love those guys.

It was a good movie, I have no idea why people were calling it “woke”. If that’s woke then the world is becoming a scary place, with that aside it was a good watch and I hope they recast wonder woman and give us the trinity we deserve on the big screen.