We Were God's Once

I walked into my grandad’s yesterday and found him in the middle of a massive stroke, after having a mini stroke 5 weeks ago. There is now nothing left of him, he’s unresponsive, struggling to breathe, has fluid in his lungs and is sporadically having seizures. I was sitting with him until 5am this morning at the hospital holding his hand not knowing what to say to him, whether he will even hear me if I did speak, not knowing if he is aware of me. I think I’m still in shock, struggling to process what has happened. I am an exhausted, emotional mess. Only the other day we were laughing and joking and sharing stories about gran. 

I know our time with our grandparents is borrowed, and that eventually they leave us, but I can not describe how important my grandad and my gran have been in my life, it is so difficult to articulate the impact they have had on me, it is such a close bond it is almost spiritual. My grans death 6 years ago almost destroyed us both, and now seeing him lying there, a complete shell, has brought up all those emotions again. He’s fighting like hell though, which is typical of him, but he won’t recover from this, and now I think the waiting for the inevitable is the worst part. Every now and then though he says my grans name, you can just make it out. I like to think she is there in someway, comforting him, and making him ready to cross over to the other side (if you believe in such things) and be with her again after so long.