SEPT.30.2019
9:00AM
Everything is off. Everything is wrong. Everything is literal shit.
At this point, anxiety has been controlling my life mostly all part of the day. Whenever im with more than one person or im in a public place, when im waiting for a text back or I get a call. When I wait for a video to download and stuff like that, even at my own house I hear a random noise and I panic!!!,$/8-&;!3
My head doesnt go off. Why? Why cant I just shut down my worries, maybe theyre not that bad?... or maybe they are. To me they are. I promise. Everything in my life in every aspect is wrong at this moment. It seems like life hates me or something, I already gave up in life to the point to just not give a fuck and blow my brains out. I just cant leave Phoenix.
I don’t understand why my anxiety has become a torture. When and why did it escalate? It came up to my mind that maybe if I write about my worries, struggles, anxiety triggers and such, I can get something out of it. I hope at least that letting it all out would help in any way.
This little joint and whats inside, has been maintaining me alive for this past month. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to even get up from bed.
