They/He/She|Genderfaunet|Gay, just kind of throwing things out there into the void. I like art, music, reading, writing, fics, and generally being creative(while also being sassy and/or sarcastic.) Highschooler
The longer it gets the less of it I have written down. It goes: Title (what I call/tag it) btw - I will update this with every new full idea 😭. The CWs will only be at the top if it is mentioned in the “blurb” so to speak.
(P. S. I might post some lil’ fics on my AO3 so, uh, here it is as a link; my user is VarietyBlue. Disclaimer for my bookmarks, I’m kinda a freak on main cause I have no shame)
Anyway:
The Realm: The Medic and His Soldier (Waren and Darby):
Set in The Realm, this follows Waren, a now-retired soldier of The Order of the Rising Wall with a shit ton of trauma surrounding people in general, and Darby, a kind yet sometimes clinical military medic. They’re both somewhat apprehensive of what is ahead, especially when it comes to the rebels that brought them together in the first place. Tori is really trying her best to keep Darby, her practical brother, out of trouble; however, her attempts are in vain as her job in the bomb squad keeps her away for long periods of time. Perfect time for him to do something stupid while Waren has seemingly disappeared. Split POVs, Waren and Darby.
CW: PTSD, past child abuse(physical, emotional), torture(thrice), panic attacks, slight homophobia, slight heterophobia (there’s a brief mention that when Darby came out as Bi, his father said he still had a chance; he meant it would’ve been better if he was gay), brief mention of alcoholism, classism(non-mage, mage).
Continued under cut I didn’t want this to be like miles long:
The Realm: Book One (The Realm):
Set in The Realm, this is the background to all of the other books in the universe. This follows Maryi, Protector of Peace and then Descenter of the Gods, as they try and fail multiple times to capture and perhaps kill Dot, their arch nemesis and their destined ally. Overall, this has accidentally turned from action and fighting to dealing with grief, a lot of salty thoughts, and dying. Main POV Maryi, almost never switches except in the prologue which follows Zemi the Demigod and his subsequent death.
CW: a lot of suicidal idealization, PTSD, racism, classism, a shit ton of other things spouted by Dot, sometimes gratuitous descriptions of dead bodies, death is a theme
Plotting Their Demise (Liann and Nickolas):
Set in Nuham, first book in the Piné Trilogy. Liann is an ambassador for the Pendatan region, and he has a score to settle. Nickolas is the last born child of the Kendran region, which is now run by his brother, the eldest of his three siblings; Nick does not want to be on this political venture in the first place, let alone be dragged into someone else’s scheming. But when this scheming involves a rather intriguing ambassador. . .maybe he could free up his non-existent schedule to help out. Main POV Liann, secondary Nickolas.
CW: transphobia(in only around three(?) scenes I may not even post so), misgendering(like once?),
The Shadows We Hide:
Set in an urban-fantasy-like area with magic and “Harnessers,” who are born corrupted and intertwined with magic. Harnessers are usually rabid and completely inept at understanding others’ emotions but not Daroak, no, he’s nearly human. Alvira really wasn’t trying nor hoping to get kidnapped after her routine night job of killing off Harnessers, but is anyone? Daroak has gotten out, it’s finally happened; all he needs is to get someone to help him. After that it’ll all be fine. POVs: Daroak and Alvira.
CW: self harm, thoughts of self harm, sometimes gratuitous description of dead bodies and blood, suicidal idealization, panic attacks, long periods of isolation, past memories of experimentation.
To Take A Kingdom:
Set in Nuham before all of the other books, it follows the eventual King, Kinder, and his eventual consort/king Umber. Kinder and Umber are each other's other halves, brothers in all senses except blood, bestest of friends. . .except they both kind of want it to be more. They’ve grown up together, schemed together, tried so very hard to not miss the other when they’ve barely left together, everything! Now Umber has another one of his plans, but it’s a lot bigger this time. He wants to stop the war against the People of the forest; the Kingdom of Nuham has encroached on the Peoples’ lands for decades, and now their knights are coming for the Peoples’ precious forests and they just wouldn’t have that. Kinder has to go with him, no matter how many doubts, because this is his other half, and he can’t protect him if he’s muddling around with restless rebels all alone. And then there’s the forest in his throat problem, but he’ll deal with that later. POV Kinder.
CW: racism, xenophobia, (idk where to put it but like they cough up forest shit so if that makes you nervy)
[Unnamed] (Cadion and Damian):
Set in Nuham, many years after Kinder is now King Kinder, and Umber was officially declared his consort who knows how many years ago (most citizens are just waiting for the wedding at this point). Cadion is at a university in Quinnterra, a practicing Hypnotic Mage on the cusp of becoming a Master after nearly twelve years of mage-school; he hasn’t stayed in one place for very long, moving from university to university with his friends just like his parents used to drag him around for their *very important mage work*. Damian works in markets, as his mother, and his mother’s mother, and his mother’s mother’s mot—you get the idea, don’t you? It’s been a while. His mother isn’t exactly the caring type, especially since his sister ran off to gods below knew where eight-or-so years ago. The two of them run into each other during the first week of university, when Cadion needs supplies and gets word from his rather destined to just be a bigot friend Jason. He still holds hope for his friend, and he doesn’t believe it when the man says there’s nothing going on behind the scenes. He surely doesn’t believe it when he sees exactly what’s going on, either. Main POV Cadion, side Damian.
CW: classism, internalized classism, panic attacks, racism (a little), self-mutilation(subject to change, current idea is an empathic monster so…pain).
[Unnamed] (Aaron’s Book):
Set in Nuham, second of three books for the Piné siblings. Lord Aaron has just gotten done with the whole Nickolas-not-wanting-to-be-political-then-suddenly-becoming-very-interested fiasco, and he’s done with being a lord. Well, not really, but he gets this way from time to time; no shock that this time it was because someone decided that they could poison his little brother and get away with it, Nickolas gets into that kind of shit a lot. He’s really taking this to get reacquainted with his people, understand the poisoning on the side, and see Orion again. Orion is a blacksmith born and raised in the mountains, dragged down to the valley closest to the Lord of the land’s manor after becoming his ambassador’s partner, and Aaron’s own later down the line. Scana is the aforementioned ambassador, an outsider inbred with Nuham’s own Quinnterra, and a street fighter when push comes to shove. The three of this rag-tag team get caught up in the local region way more than they should, getting a child off the street(Jackie), meeting foreign lords, ambassadors from other regions, and even the Special Knight Force after a rather unfortunate run-in with bandits. Will they even get home? I have no clue, I’ve only an idea for this tbh.
CW: slight polyphobia, PTSD, past child abuse, slight alcohol abuse, potentially triggering talk about being trans(everyone supports Jackson, it’s just a bit…complicated for a little).
Freddie the Alien:
Set in Nuham with the Special Knight Forces, who we actually meet in To Take A Kingdom. This is after, when they’ve finally got orders to come home. This all starts with Pete, or Sir Knight Paetoire, who is the “leader” of the group. It’s really more of a trio who think and move so intertwined that they’re fluent in each other’s body language, facial tics, and everything in between. Pete finds a young boy on a farm scared, shaking in his boots outside of the main house. Turns out the man who “owned” him was beating on another farm hand who didn’t do their job right. While Pete cannot save the man’s own son by Knightly decree, he can save the poor boy outside. Freddie isn’t from here, not at all, and he’s not sure how he got here. He does know that he wants to be human worse than anything. Fen is the Lady Knight of the group, hard outer shell and slightly harder inside, she’s the strategist but not a leader. She really cares, just shows it rather than tells. Then there’s Sir Knight Vianne. Cursed as some might say, they’ve been stuck to the two other knights for gods below know how long with only one relief: they’re deaf. Gifted from a mage, they’ve got some nice hearing aids, but gods they’re whiny; they usually speak in sign special to the three knights and eventually Freddie, as it’s an amalgamation of different signs throughout their years. POV switches between the four, but it’s mainly Pete.
CW: internalized xenophobia(he wants to be human and has taken that to mean that everything else that isn’t sucks), ableism,
When the Wick Burns Out:
- brief content warning - mentioned rape in blurb
Soon after the new king is instated—King Kinder—Torin gets a visit from a former “friend” of her mother’s. Torin is a kind yet ruthless soul, known to have been taking care of her region long before her mother died. Her mother was a druggie, sex addict, alcoholic, everything since her “husband”—really more of a one time thing but then she got pregnant with Torin and everything kind of spiraled—left. Torin leaned on the other leads of regions she thought she could count on, Lord Michael, a sleazy son of a bitch that deserves everything bad; and Lady Daine, who paid this “friend” of Torin’s mother to kill her off to weaken the Pendatan region and perhaps take it for herself—Torin is a rather influential noble at this point, though it has mostly been anonymous. In the shortest of short terms, this “friend” raped her. This novella is about Torin’s rise to Pendatan Ladyship, and about her relationship with Lord Kine and his ambassador, Sara Antonio, who is Liann’s mother. This is before Liann transitions and therefore we see little Liann and his struggles while he is ~12, although it is mostly background noise to Torin working through everything with Sara and Kine while distancing herself from the others—purposefully. Kine is tired, slightly anxious, and probably clinically alone except for his jigsaw family. When he sees Torin in need, he can’t not lend a hand to the sinking ship, even if that ship is scared of him from the get go. POV Torin.
CW: rape, PTSD, nightmares from past trauma, panic attacks, victim blaming, internalized victim blaming, slut shaming
Impulsive Decisions - [Link to Entity List]
Set in The Realm during the darker times but before Maryi joins Dot and while Hazel is still “missing,” it follows a trio of “Scrappers” who are trying to gain information on entities and their creators. Scrappers are the trackers of entities; the judge, jury, and executioners; the stalkers; whatever they claim to be, they slay entities throughout their regions of the realm and are usually somewhat nomadic. This takes place/starts in Nemesis, specifically in a rather prosperous coastal city where shitty cars are available. Our main character and first-person POV is Idon, a former Scrapper before they attempted a suicide mission and got turned into a vampire—which are in The Realm, but slightly different. His best friend/sibling Killian, or Kills, disapproves of Louis and is still a Scrapper; they say the only reason they haven’t killed Louis is because he means so much to Idon. Then there’s the vampire in question. Louis hadn’t intended to turn Idon, but when he saw him barely breathing and near death in a way a human wouldn’t live through, he did what he had to. In a diner, the trio are peacefully talking over plans for upcoming hangouts when a strange thing walks in. It isn’t human, it speaks in static-filled speech: a Splitter. Entities roaming the streets of a well protected city. Something has to be done, whether everyone participating want to or not.
CW: panic attacks(one kind of right off the bat), blood/gore, suicidal idealization(in flashbacks if I do them and mentioned)
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Not the symbol of Adam wanting Pizza (TM) and fishing around about Michael's Plans (TM) a la Dean with Cas in Swan Song
He REALLY wanna know if Michael is gonna go back to Heaven or stay with him.
Cause, you see... The minute Michael mentions: "I don't know much about any of this. You'll be my guide," it's almost this weird sense of excitement injects itself into the scene... and pizza.
Michael's already eating a burger, but they go OUT of their way to bring in... pizza.
Cause.
Adam hears THIS:
🍕🍕🍕🍕
Then the PIZZA LITERALLY ARRIVES. Adam says thank you and leans down to savor the aroma...
🍕🍕🍕🍕
Hilariously, though. Adam KEEPS his eyes down. Busies himself with fiddling. Averts his eyes as he asks Michael to FUCKING CLARIFY the Very Thing Michael just hinted at.
omg-does-he-wanna-stay-with-me
🍕🍕🍕🍕
OFC then Michael gets big sad about his brothers, his dad gone, etc. "In so may ways, I'm alone..."
And Adam is sat over there like
Cool cool cool play it cool he is being sad DO NOT LOOK EXCITED POKER FACE P-P-P-POKER FACE!!!!
"Yeah, same here."
///
Adam and his (metaphorical) slice of angelic meat-lovers pizza pie.
🍕🍕🍕🍕
EDIT:
Oh, my god. Now, Adam's staring around the diner smiling and eating his FUCKING CAKE.
More subtext:
On the heels of Sam being ANXIOUS about shooting his shot, we get Adam surveying the parlor, and landing on a group of couples on a double date (again, not an accident that these look a bit like his brothers):
...and then we PAN to a guy who APPEARS alone.
But Adam smiles a little bit here, because maybe, he thinks... Maybe he's okay if he looks like that to other people.
Adam’s next line is revealing: "Maybe I should get a little job... we're gonna have expenses, right?"
He's thinking about his future.
With Michael.
Adam has already told us he doesn't need to eat, but he's, uh. Wiggling his fingers nervously here as he talks about spending the last of his change. What’s making him nervous isn’t the logistics.
Adam suggests maybe he'll be a bartender. (interesting note: Bears some resemblance to Dean's roadhouse dream. Adam likes people! He likes being embedded in the comings and goings.)
When Adam reiterates he can't go back to college with an archangel inside of him, it's an off-key parallel to Dean's words to Sam, his whole encouraging vibe of -> Maybe your life isn't gonna look like how you expected. Maybe happiness doesn't take the perfect white picket shape!
(BTW: Of course Adam could go back to college WITH Michael, but CRUCIALLY, the subtext here is that college is that college is a tool to set you up for achieving your dreams, and... well. Adam realizes he can skip straight to retirement with the thing he wants, no matter how it looks to other people.)
He smiles when he talks about the things he can't do with "Michael inside of him," because that's the thing that he ALREADY truly wants.
Adam has some anxieties (Sam and Dean warned me about taking you on, and we’re gonna look queer and weird to other people, etc etc.)
As soon as Adam makes up his mind to embrace his future with Michael? Enter Lilith, in her warning yellow.
And she... she starts sampling Adam's cake!!!!!! It feels like a threat about Adam… cause it is.
Even though he’s conflicted and still clings to his identity as a true believer, Michael is STEELY and protective and more resistant to Chuck... because he still has Adam. (When Adam is removed, later, he's more depressed and vulnerable ofc.)
When she threatens him, she basically becomes a barrier between Michael and the cake (Adam).
He incinerates her for that:
EDIT 2: Can I also say I love the red wagon motif too????
It's Michael giving up SOME control to Adam, it's very push-pull and learning. And like YEAH in childhood, red wagons are our fledging steps into independence. It's exploration! It's autobiographical! A wagon is a first vehicle. It's also about space, balance, and how objects fit together!!! IN THIS CASE, Adam is precious cargo in Michael's first wagon... but sigh. He winds up losing him anyway. :(((
After Michael murders Lillith, everyone is staring in horror. It's tremendously risky and rebellions. SOOOO OOC for the top military guy, and where do his eyes rest?
That's right. The Adam mirror. The future. Michael CHOSE that. Kinda. He has doubts, but he just did something drastic.
"Remember nothing," he says.
The paired-couples turn back and smile. And the queer couple framing Adam-Michael turns to each other and smiles…
But LIKE SAM is NERVOUS, now MICHAEL IS NERVOUS.
He pushes the cake away.
Maybe he can't be happy, after all?
THIS IS what Adam means when he later says, "Since when do we get what we deserve." Like perhaps Adam too has realized... something will ALWAYS be coming for him and Michael. Or maybe he realizes how conflicted Michael still is with Heaven (a huge Cas Dean parallel).
This tiny, unhappy push of cake... THAT'S what it's all about.
///
EDIT 3:
Ah, yes. Michael in a foreign (god-) coded area, contemplating betraying God to keep the life he wants. He's Supposed to Want Paradise. He's a True Believer.
But he has found himself wanting his own selfish paradise.
spn 15x08 via @spnscripthunt-inactive
(He pushed the cake away.)
///
EDIT 4:
I ALSO think re: that moment where Adam sadly says, "Since when do we get what we deserve?" can be about how Adam WANTS his weird little life with Michael, and Michael, so NEW to wanting...
Adam thinks he knows that Michael won’t choose him, maybe? Or he’s nervous about them getting g to have that happy bartender life, because Michael’s dad tried to fetch him, and went against his dad, but…
Maybe Adam sense Michael is still so Conflicted about his father. It really is a bit like Swan Song Dean and Cas!
Michael’s hangups made Adam big sad, like. The more Michael clung to the idea of god, the more conservative, the meaner and more unlike himself he got.
Adam was filled with so much longing. I can’t believe I overlooked his heartbreaking show of future deliberations re: Michael. And yet, he knows Michael. he knows Heaven is a barrier to their happiness. 💔
The interplay of Michael letting Adam “drive” (truck) and being along for the ride (wagon) disappears when the threat appears.
Michael pulverizes the threat and runs. Interesting how he runs to Cas before he runs to Chuck. He’s so afraid and conflicted. Maybe even ashamed.
Later, Lucifer’s “Mikey’s a cuck” taunt is about the shame of loving an icky wicky human as an equal. (Note how in the diner there are TWO trucks framing them. Two separate vehicles, a shared load!) Lucifer throws shade about it, as if humans are tools to be used, prostituted, and manipulated for angelic purpose.
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SELF-REC TIME!! If I were to stumble across your AO3 profile, which fics of yours would you want me to read first and why?
Thank you for the ask!! 💞💞 I had to think longer and harder about this than I thought I would. The answer feels like it should be obvious, but I had to really muse on it to be sure. Interesting mental exercise.
But okay, here we go!
In the Supernatural fandom:
1) That Which Burns [Destiel] - Mainly because it's my current project right now, so having readers engage with it means the most for my motivation and creative journey. I'm challenging myself big time, and thus both support and concrit are things I'm aching for. I also think, if I manage to accomplish my goals, it will be my best writing yet. Just have to get it out!
2) Horror Vacui (My Cup Runneth Over) [Destiel] - The big one lol! My version of Supernatural Season 16. I'm enormously proud of this work. It's not without flaw (haaaa it me) but it was a major growing experience for me, and I've received some of the most incredible feedback for it. Just knowing it's helped some people on their journey to mental health is unfathomably valuable to me. Absolutely one of the most important things I've ever accomplished.
In my older fandoms:
1) keep your friends close [Marvel, Stucky-adjacent] - This is another one I'm very proud of it. It's not for the faint of heart, it deals with some extremely dark content, but ultimately it's a story about taking the power back in your own life and saving yourself so you can then go on to save others. Writing Bucky Barnes through this experience helped me process pieces of my own past. And I did some fun experimental style stuff here that I really enjoyed and wound up adopting into my future works (like using right-aligns paralleled to left-aligns to visually represent the mind being split into two different layers of conscious perception, ala dream/waking, present-moment/past-memory, lucid/drugged).
2) Nineteen [Merlin, Merthur] - Of all my past fics, this one sticks with me the most. Idk what happened in there, but something a little magic flowed through me and manifested as this short, aching piece. I just somehow still actually love it. I usually hate my older material, but not this one. 😂
Only Bedlund truly knew how to keep Cas's wry, fatalistic humor intact, apparently. As well as his impatience, which is a trait that...persists, from early angel days to latter days. (I assume Naomi's lobotomies gave it a big boo-boo for awhile.)
///
CASTIEL: "I remember the Tower of Babel...All 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. (clips from old movies are shown) And when it fell, they howled 'divine wrath'. But come on - dried dung can only be stacked so high."
///
CASTIEL: "It's simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it."
///
CASTIEL: Are you joking?
RAPHAEL: Do I look like I'm joking?
CASTIEL: You never look like you're joking.
///
CASTIEL: Speak plain.
///
CASTIEL; You have four minutes left.
///
CASTIEL: I wish I could say I was clean of pride at that moment...
Okay, this was going around, and maybe not -only- but I do love these bangers. Especially Cas's little quip to Raphael. "You never look like you're joking."
And yes. #this is def the guy who hung out with uriel and balthazar im just sayin
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Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches and Walkers by Fall Out Boy.
“The reason why we didn’t put ’Snitches’ on the record is because when it was done I felt that it reminded me too much of My Chem and I didn’t want to throw it on and have people think we wrote a My Chem song.” - Pete Wentz.
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