I Try

i go through a bloody and elaborate transformation into a beast and at the end i’m 9 feet tall w/ claws and horns, but i just do the dishes

Hey yall!! the reason this exists is because we elected ppl like Candi CeDe Baca to the city council and she fights for unions and students and poor people and also because we broke so many of DPD and APD's things so much they had to listen to us. keep fighting. change happens.

when george h.w. bush was naming george w. bush he was like you can have most of my name... but i'm keeping herbert. ok bro 😂😂

As an empath I can tell when the microwave is about to be done before it even beeps

stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

OP I fucking dare you to write a novel

An activate charcoal AND grapefruit smoothie called "what will your meds do ;)"

Wait no this was a joke

you're on antidepressants and you drink this you meet the devil

Also incredibly important

Also, on the off chance the activated charcoal doesn’t immediately suck everything out of your body, grapefruit is literally the (second) worst possible thing you can eat or drink when you’re on medication, as it interacts with a LOT of them, and you should always double check- https://www.fda.gov/consumers/consumer-updates/grapefruit-juice-and-some-drugs-dont-mix

ah yes, activated charcoal and grapefuit, the potion of Fuck Your Meds

I will reblog this ever damn time I see it because it is my favorite thing anyone has ever made

your twenties are Also about discovering that you’re not a bad person in all the ways you believed you were but you’re a bad person in completely new and exciting ways