forgive me, so I can know what it feels like

i think every publisher should have to institute a ban on books that fail what i’m calling the “little life” and “what else?” tests

mind you before sinners we didn’t have definitive proof that it was possible to successfully make a movie in 2025

"sorry for party rocking" I don't think you are. I think you're sorry you got caught

​you’ll never get away from the sound of the tv show that hates you

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

As a principled feminist I'm often tempted to say shit like "are men capable of higher thought" but then I have to remember not to perpetuate gender essentialism and change it to "why do men choose not to think about anything"

"i look forward to hearing back" implies a beautiful world that runs on sense-direction combinations. i smell sideways to tasting up. i palpate inwards to listening diagonal, so that i can hunger clockwise

Man no one even remembers laptop in bed. It was laptop in bed for years. Now it's just phone in bed. Maybe tablet. But usually phone. So much has changed

i can be trusted around the box of ice cream sandwiches in your freezer