bleedingparchment

i saw my thoughts loop around your smirking face

around twisted melodies, with didactic harmonies

that felt wrong and out of place

i felt white hot hurt, i thought through florescent lights

i tasted washed out tea

If I could count the years you’ve steered between my ears

if you could even start, even begin to hear

the scenes that I’ve had with you in my dreams

I could tell you something, i might even scream

that you are delightfully, deliciously, real.

That when you smile it makes its way around the entire room

That you command the party, you play that soft spun tune

That when when your eyes find their way into mine

Well, I wanna stay there the whole damn time.

Because you are, 

I would tell you then that you are

 how have you fared, cornered and cut off from the world?

have you finally broken free?

or is there something keeping you inside me?

have you taken pity

and restrained the urge to flee?

or have you disdain for my uncouth dissymmetry?

trace my thoughts but tenderly

raw lips

tether loose hips 

static echoes push past 

as everyone hurries somewhere 

the heels of people, more important, push

silently at my throat. lips move 

in a joyless rotation 

sweeping stale ideas back and forth 

having news for once, but no one to celebrate with.

the dust of passerbys of people going somewhere

has finally settled, revealing 

what ive already known 

how have you fared, cornered and cut off from the world?

have you finally broken free?

or is there something keeping you inside me?

have you taken pity

and restrained the urge to flee?

have you grown disdain for my uncouth body?

i feel you stirring, ignited by music and poetry

do your cringe when i speak brashly? 

i used to think that you followed me,

that you swam along side the car

i used to search for you among the trees

  i used to ask you favors

and hoped for a dream come true

but as each night passed

and each hope dashed

flutter against my ribs.

rising to brush against my nose

warmth spread down ---

down onto my toes.

each little tree

gets set unto the breeze

with wishes spent

and emotions pent

everything is going to be disasterously and tremendously okay

becasue you are so miniscule, minute, microscopic

that your blip of time here 

cannot irrevocably wreck havoc 

so laugh, soak up every moment

because everything will be alright in the end

and if its not alright

Time is such a fickle friend

Wriggling free from your hands

Slipping through your fingertips

It lay still atop the sands

Pulled into the mighty waves

Faster, faster she swims

Her glittery scales wink back

ive had your attentions directed

at me for quite some time

you've showered me with compliments

and darling, its been quite fine.

but when thats all there is to us

i start to get quite bored

sweet nothings only get some things

looking at the drop below

laughing in my defeat

resigned to my final blow.

stressed and depressed

my smirk betrays unrest

its the flutter in my fingertips

its the searching within my eyes

the happy wave i rode

the feeling of the high 

being in control, for once 

being sweet, upbeat, alive

faster, smarter, not a dunce

beating against my rib cage

signing oaths beneath my skin

promising bits and pieces to everyone

till I've rattled can out my tin

pushing, tearing, boiling 

vexed from within

anxiety wells within me

im too big

i want to rip off my flesh

my gross fat

that clings to every corner of my body

magnetizing everyones eyes

SCREAMING LOOK HERE

i crumple to the bathroom floor

livid

venemous 

self loathing