I’m into too deep into my head to give this a coherent start.
I just got my first full time job (an internship) and I feel like my whole idea of the world, myself, and life itself has been completely destroyed because this is just insane. Every day I work and then I come back and after some time doing other stuff like eating making lunch for the next day whatever I have just a few hours to myself, and I feel like that whole time just goes to recovering and preparing mentally for the next day. Then the weekend comes and Saturday is all recovering while Sunday is all mentally preparing to do it all again.
I feel like I’m living in a state of half death. I can’t do anything even slightly creative or productive because I feel like every ounce of my soul has been taken by working so long.
But everyone tells me how lucky I am to having a paying internship, and to hopefully be set for a well paying job. And I know on some level they’re right. But it also feels like I’m staring down the most horrific nightmare in my life while people gleefully tell me how lucky I am to get to experience it
I feel like I’m going crazy because when I mention this I’m told that this is all super normal and standard, which I know it is, but it’s like being told living as a corpse for most of your life if just to be expected. Then I’m told it’s okay because I will probably get 2 weeks of vacation a year. It feels like a mockery. I’m supposed to be relieved that while I may be half dead 50 weeks a year i at least get 2 to be an actual person?
And everything makes it seem like there’s no other option, because part time wouldn’t give benefits, if it even gave enough money.
I don’t know how to send this either, but I need to get this out of my system
