people you hate

The ever-so-plentiful backhanded compliments and one-liners that make up one of the worst people you hate: the self-centered frenemy. Everyone has one, and for some reason, you can't seem to shake them off. You love to hate them, and yet, you hate that you're still friends with them. You can't quit them and they can't seem to quit you. You start off the conversation by saying how your boyfriend just sent you a cute picture of a cat holding a sign that says, "you're the cat's meow." In a retaliation that only frenemies can concoct, they insist on telling you how their boyfriend just rented a 747 airplane to write their name in the sky while they were rushed out of work to see the spectacle as fireworks exploded to the song "You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings." According to them, everyone clapped and wept like toddlers. You two go out to eat. You ask your frenemy if they would like to split the mozzarella sticks. They tell you, "mozzarella sticks are disgusting, but you can get them if you want." DID THEY JUST SAY MOZ STICKS ARE DISGUSTING? Yes. Yes they did. They're life ruiners. They ruin people's lives.

People who have way more than 10 items in the self-checkout line are equivalent to the expensive bags of kettle chips they're buying that only have 4 chips in them: annoying as hell. Picture this: It's 10 a.m. You're walking to the self-checkout line with your basket full of one carton of milk, a bag of bagels, a tub of cream cheese, and some eggs. You're about to make a bomb-ass breakfast. Scrambled? Over easy? Who knows! All you know is that within the next 20 minutes you will have a delicious combination of breakfast foods in your belly. You walk up to the self-checkout line and stop. You only have four items, this is going to be a breeze. Each of the kiosks are full, but it's 10 items or less so you'll be done in no time. WRONG. YOU ARE SO WRONG. One guy has about 15 cases of soda and 23 packs of various meats. He's probably having a cookout. That smug bastard. Look at him, he's thinking, "no one is going to know I have more than 10 items!" WELL GUESS WHAT GUY, I DO AND I DON'T LIKE IT. I HOPE YOUR BBQ SUCKS. One of the kiosks is broken, TYPICAL. You quickly pan over to the other side, there are two women at the kiosks WITH CARTS. WHO NEEDS CARTS WHEN YOU HAVE LESS THAN 10 ITEMS? People who break the rules and want to watch the world burn, that's who. Have they no respect? One of them decided to stock up on cleaning supplies and various other hygienic products. I call this the "just one thing" conundrum where you go to the store for simply "just one thing," like shampoo, and end up with enough products to supply a Sephora in your shopping cart (WHICH SHOULDN'T BE IN THE SELF-CHECKOUT LINE TO BEGIN WITH). The other woman has a bunch of diapers and baby stuff for, I don't know, a baby or something. Whatever. As you sigh in disbelief and wrinkle your forehead like a sad 2nd grader, you wait and wait and wait until one of these dipshits decides to leave (finally). These asshats are taking up your precious breakfast time. Before you know it, it's been 15 minutes and you're no longer hungry because the hunger pains have come to an abrupt halt. you are now starving and have lost all hope in eating your delicious basket of goodies. These clowns have all failed you collectively and you hope their day is just as terrible as yours is going to be. As you walk angrily to your car, you pass one finishing up putting away groceries in their trunk. You crop-dust the shit out of them and smile revengefully.

People who don't tip are the worrrrrrrssssst. First of all, working at a restaurant is absolutely annoying. You have good hours and bad hours, your day is an emotional roller coaster. I believe it should be a requirement that everyone in the United States work in the food service industry for at least a month. People don't realize the shit they do at restaurants until they're the ones waiting on them. "Of course you can bring your 15 young children!" "Of course you can have 30 sides of ranch dressing!" "Of course I can cut your steak for you!" "Of course you can move from this table to another table right in the middle of your dinner!" "Of course you can tell me it's ridiculous how I haven't checked on you every three minutes; I know I'm a terrible person!" "Of course there isn't an automatically added gratuity on parties of 6 or more anymore because God is cursing my existence and applauding your asshole-ry!" The age old question is: what is the appropriate tip amount? The answer is always dependent on the service (with some exceptions here and there). I can personally say, as someone who has served before, that almost 99% of the time my service is ALWAYS adequate enough to leave a 20% tip. I say this because people are always quick to point the finger at the first face they see and use that as a reason to make someone else's day miserable. Did I greet you in a nice manor? Yes. Did I bring your drinks? Yes. Did I answer your questions? Yes. Did I bring your food? Yes. Did I bring your check? Yes. Did I say "have a great day/night?" Yes. This is the checklist for proper service. If your food comes out wrong, if your food taste bad, if your drink is wrong, or if your food is cold when it arrives----tell your server because these are problems with the kitchen, not the server. They will be more than happy to make it right, and if not, then the manager should be able to. Yes, I agree, they are the face you associate the restaurant with, but that does not mean you shouldn't tip them. I have bent backwards for guests and jumped through 100 hoops to get their "medium well/medium, but with a pink center and cold on the inside hot on the outside, but not too hot" steak cooked perfectly, but there are some people you just can't please and that is not fair. If the service, food, and ambiance is absolutely subpar, servers understand that under circumstances like this, you have reasons to tip under 20%, but to not leave a tip at all is absurd. I've had friends tell me someone left them $5 on a $100 bill. We're in a recession, not a depression. If you have a $100 bill, you can afford to tip at LEAST $10. That's less than half of a recommended tip. Whenever I'm at a restaurant, I always tell people this: When it comes to tipping, keep in mind, these people don't want to serve you just as much as you don't want them as their waiter/waitress, but it doesn't mean you should take away their income.