Imagine a fatty trying to diet then realising they are too far gone..
'Baby uhm, I've been getting bigger and, I think maybe it's time for me to uhm, lose some weight." You look at them, their cheeks flushed with embarrassment as they try and pull their ill fitting shirt over the soft sliver of belly hanging out. "Well, okay sweetie, I can help you with that. We're gonna have to change your diet and we should add in some exercise. We'll cut down your calorie intake and start some light exercise, we can go for some walks together, to start off with until you build up your fitness level. How does that sound?" You love the softness of their body, but you love them more and promise yourself that you will fully support them in their wishes. "Yeah okay, I think I can do that .." you see the hesitation in them, the slight uncertainty that they can actually manage to eat less and move more. You flash a big warm smile at them, an attempt to calm them and fill them with confidence, although you're not sure if it worked.
"Babe I'm starving! This calorie deficit is too much! There's no way I can survive on such a small amount of food". You raise your eyebrows a bit, knowing full well that their deficit is still more than your "average" person needs in a day. But for them it's obviously still a big drop in food consumption, so you do your best to calmly support them. "Okay sweetheart let's try and find you a nutritious snack that will keep you full. Something full of protein and fiber. But you have to be careful, they'll add a lot to your daily calories. They add up fast sweetie!" You hand them a protein bar and their eyes light up as they swipe it from your hand, ripping it open and eating with such enthusiasm you're almost shocked. "Can I have another? That was so small it barely changed anything!" You can't help yourself, you let out a small chuckle. "Sweetie, you know those things are like 350 calories right? You're going to have to wait until the next meal for more food I'm afraid" . You see their face fall, and their stomach rumbles in protest, not used to being denied food.
"babe....I.....slow down! I'm....so....tired.... I....I can't ....can't walk.....any....more.....please....can....can we sit.....sit down?" I turn to look at you. Your face is bright red and drenched in sweat. The dark patches of sweat on your clothes showing just how much you've exerted yourself. You're struggling to catch your breath, wheezing, trying your best to push the words out. I look at your jiggling form, the sweat patches on your tight clothes that have barely started fitting better since your diet started. We've walked less than a mile but I can see that even after weeks of trying to build up your stamina, you're still too fat and unfit for such great distances. You wheeze as you manage to waddle up to me, desperately gasping for air. "It's okay sweetie, stand still and take a deep breath, have some water". I swear I see a flicker of disappointment when I hand you a bottle of plain water. "Why do people do this? Exercise. It's so tiring, it's so much effort and it makes your whole body hurt!" It takes me back for a second, hearing you complain about such a simple walk when you used to be fit, but I try my best to sympathise. I want to keep you motivated, so I give you a kiss and tell you you're doing so well and it is difficult, but it will get easier. They don't look convinced at all.
"sweetie I wanted to talk to you. I know you've been really struggling with this new diet, but I found some empty wrappers in the trash. Are you trying to hide it from me? It's okay, I understand how hard it must be to give up on everything, but you need to make sure I know what you're eating so I can adjust the calories for the rest of the week, okay? Maybe we should start adding more of a treat day to your plan. I catch your gaze and watch your cheeks turn bright red. "I just .. I was just craving...I was so hungry and I just-" "it's okay sweetheart, I know you miss your old diet. I'll try my best to incorporate a burger or a doughnut into your plans" I say with a wink. I watch your face fall a little as I say that word "or". The visible disappointment that you can't just eat and eat.
"come on babe, let's go for a walk!" I see your face fall as I suggest it "I'm so tired. I just want to stay home today" "maybe we can just go for a small walk! You'll probably feel better after getting some fresh air, and besides, you've barely done anything the last few days. I know having a rest day is important, but if you don't keep staying active you'll start losing fitness again" you give me an annoyed look in return. "I just don't want to, I'm so tired because you're not letting me eat anything! You're starving me then expecting me to have the energy to walk for hours on end. We're not designed to do that!" I haven't heard you complain so strongly about your new diet and exercise plan and it sparks a pang of arousal through my body. Not letting you eat anything? You're still on a higher calorie limit than the average person needs. Walking for hours on end? You're still struggling to reach a mile. Humans aren't made for this? We evolved to run for long distances to tire our prey out so we could catch our food. But I can't tell you any of this, I know it'll discourage you. "Okay sweetie well what if we do some arm exercises whilst you're sitting down, maybe try and get your heart rate going a little bit but without tiring you out too much" you grumble and groan but reluctantly agree. I'm not sure I'm going to win many more of these refusals.
"how....how have I gained weight???" You look at me exasperated, a tear in your eye. "Sweetie, look, you've been sneaking in extra food and you've been rejecting every attempt I've made to get you active. It's surely not a big surprise that you've gained a few pounds back?" You fall down into your chair, which makes an alarming noise in protest at the sudden weight dropping into it, and sigh. "I hate this. I miss food. I miss eating what I want. I hate exercising. I'm so exhausted all of the time, and so hungry. And it's not even working! All of this effort and I've barely lost any weight."
"it's okay sweetie, don't give up! You're just having a bad week. We can do this together!" You look at me with sad eyes and nod in agreement. "Okay fine, I'm just grumpy I think. Tomorrow we can go for another walk maybe..." I can already see all your enthusiasm for your diet is quickly fading away.
You managed to increase your exercise efforts for a few weeks but I saw your motivation drop again after you stepped on the scale. Clearly, the effects of the exercise weren't showing progress quickly enough. I swooped in and gave you a big hug and a kiss and told you how well you were doing and how much I love you, but secretly I knew that the last of your motivation had just frittered away with another week of plateaued weight loss.
Over the next few weeks the walks reduce even more until they're barely getting 1000 steps in a day. You find more and more wrappers hidden in the trash. Their waistline pushing more and more against their clothes, defeating the plateau by instead erasing any progress they'd previously made.
One day, you come home and find them asleep on the couch, belly poking out, various takeout wrappers littering the space around you. They're wearing their biggest and comfiest clothes and for the first time, they're looking tight on you. You settle in next to them, daring to put your arm around them, settling your hand delicately between their soft lower belly and thigh. You can feel the weight of their stomach cutting the circulation to your fingers. You kiss their temple and they stir slightly, a light moan leaving them, before they return back to their peaceful slumber. You smile to yourself and start planning what favourites of theirs you will cook for them for when they wake up.
I hear the floor creaking under your weight and turn around to see you slowly waddling towards me, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and yawning. You freeze as you see me cooking. "babe, did you make this all for me? Are you trying to sabotage me?" You ask, a slight fear in your voice blending with your audible excitement. "Sweetheart, I'm not trying to sabotage you. You've been doing well enough at that by yourself" I say, and nod towards the food wrappers I'd carefully collected and piled up next to the bin. I see you blush before you manage to force out your next weak argument. "But, I mean, you're supposed to be supporting me. I had a lapse but that doesn't mean you should give up too. Otherwise I'll never lose weight!" I chuckle, much to your dismay but I can't help it. "Babe I just don't want to see you miserable anymore. I tried to be supportive, I tried encouraging you to exercise for months, I've been cooking you healthy foods and trying to limit your snacking but it hasn't been working. You've been so unhappy, refusing to do any type of movement and complaining about the food I give you, and then you go and sneak fast food thinking I won't notice!"
"Yeah but, but I did lose weight!" You manage to blurt out. "If you give up now then how am I supposed to carry on losing weight" I laugh again, I can't help it. You seem so desperate and clueless "sweetheart you did lose some weight, but then you started refusing to exercise and started snacking and any weight you lost initially has come back with a vengeance. Look, those were your loosest clothes and now the seams are all struggling " you blush and try your best to shrink your bloated body in front of me.
"But if I don't lose weight then...." You trail off as you realise that it's too late for you. That you're going to keep growing fatter. That even as I'm standing here laughing at your gluttony, you're hyper aware of the foods I'm cooking for you, and how hungry it's making you. How this was maybe your last chance to stop the spiral of gluttony and you failed.
"Look sweetheart, I don't want to keep making you miserable. I know you used to be active and fit but now, doing any activity makes you unhappy. If supporting you in a weight loss journey means you hate each day then it's not really supporting you, is it? I'd rather make you your favourite foods and watch you enjoy yourself than force you to make pathetic attempts to regain fitness. If eating makes you happy then so what if you gain weight? I'd rather see you fat and happy than thin and miserable" I listen to your heavy breathing, you're trying to think of a response but I can tell your body is growing tired from holding its own weight up. And the smell of my cooking must be distracting you.
"but, but I was supposed to lose weight" you mumble. I smile, and pull you in for an embrace.
"yes, but you got fatter." You look at me with fear in your eyes and a burning embarrassment at your failure. You hold my gaze for a second, and for a moment I'm scared about how you will respond to my bluntness. But then you turn to look at the food before whispering "I'm hungry"
I smile and kiss you. "That's why I made your favourites sweetie. I just want you to be happy and stop punishing yourself for your appetite". You kiss me in return.
"maybe we can go shopping soon. If I'm going to get fatter, I'll need some new clothes." A shock of arousal pulses through my body again, and I grin.
"of course sweetheart. Now go sit down, I'll bring your food to you. No more worrying about silly diets. You just enjoy yourself, and I'll work on preparing dessert for you."
You smile and waddle over to the couch, excitement mixed with fear washing over you as you accept that you'll continue to grow hungrier, lazier, and most inevitably: fatter.
