bi means all

these people will (seemingly) understand that being stuck in the closet is a terrible (and in many instances, life threatening) thing; but somehow forget this, or change their tune, when the person in the closet is bi. especially if it is a bi woman.

people are not going to want to identify or align with bisexuality if you spend every day talking about how disgusting, vapid/shallow, immature bisexuality is. they’re not going to want to call themselves bisexual when they see how people who are openly bisexual are treated. this is how internalized issues form and it creates self denial and shame.

this is what happens when you assign moral and political value to a neutral label meant purely to describe one’s physical/emotional/sexual attraction, specifically negative moral and political value.

when it’s routinely asserted that lesbians are aggressive, bioessentialist, regressive, exclusionary bullies/predators, there are going to be people whose physical/emotional/sexual attraction fit the definition of lesbian but choose not to use it because of the fear of its moral and political implications.

when it’s routinely asserted that bisexuals are shallow, weak-minded, perverted, entitled, ahistorical betrayers, there are going to be people whose physical/emotional/sexual attraction fit the definition of bisexual but choose not to use it because of the fear of its moral and political implications.

I have a website about bisexual books now! 💗💜💙

No one listened when trans people warned that anti-trans legislation would impact cis people as well but no one listened, and now this is becoming the norm.

I want to boost everything this person has said and add on.

The reason I call myself a tomboy now, despite it being seen as a childish word and having had someone swear at me over it because ‘tHeRe’S nO suCh thInG as BoY thInGs anD giRL thIngS sHut uP’ is because I couldn’t call myself that or be like that when I was a kid. It was seen as a negative thing and I was already bullied enough. “Looking like a boy” was the worst thing that could happen to a girl.

And I’m not even 26 yet. We aren’t talking 30+ years ago, we are talking 2000s and even 2010s. It’s only since trans people have become more accepted in the past few years that gender nonconformity has too.

And the people who helped me accept my gender nonconformity more than anyone else? Were trans people. They taught me, “there’s nothing wrong with how you feel. You’re still a valid woman no matter what you wear, how you have your hair or what you’re into ❤️”

And don’t even get me started on how people treat gender nonconforming men. JK Rowling has a lot of nerve to be like “uwu boys can wear dresses and only us gendercrits accept that!” when she has, even in recent works, made femininity in men a negative trait, as well as making masculinity in women a negative trait also.

A lot of people still don’t accept gnc people even now. Just last year I had someone tell me they’d never let their daughter “dress like a boy”, and I’m always terrified to walk into a bathroom in case the next JK Rowling is in there, sees my gender expression and pepper sprays me or worse.

CARRD VERS. (still with sources)

INCLUDES (in this order):

Essay

Sources

FAQ

-

Before we begin, a key detail is that ‘lesbian’ originally was a synonym for ‘tribade’, meaning any woman who was intimate with another woman. Lesbianism was something someone did. You could have been ‘a lesbian’ and be romantically involved with a boy. Think of ‘lesbian’ and ‘lesbianism’ in these early times as being a synonym for ‘WLW’ (women loving women); a blanket term. It wasn’t until 1892 that neurologists used bisexual. And even then, it wasn’t until the 1960s (and no sooner) that the usage of ‘bi’ became common in a non-academic context. It wasn’t until 1988 that bisexual women and lesbians were ‘officially’ separated (though the movement to separate them began beforehand), and it was also this time that ‘lesbian’ began to mean ‘a woman exclusively attracted to women.’

There are multiple incidents and people credited with the coining of ‘butch’ and ‘femme’. I will go through all of the possible origins, before getting to what is, fairly obviously and easily, the actual origin of the terms.

The coining of the term ‘femme’ is often accredited to historical lesbian, Anne Lister. However, what is often left out of this statement is that the original use of ‘femme’ in the context of describing her partner, Marianna Lawton, who was also involved with a man. It wasn’t even Anne Lister saying it; rather, it was a woman friend who said to Anne about Marianna, ‘Plus femme que moi,’ which translates to, ‘She is more womanly than me.’ If one is saying that ‘femme’ was coined by Anne Lister, they are also saying that ‘femme’ was originally directed at and used to describe a woman who had some sort of romantic relationship with a man.

Butch is said to be a term coined by gay men to mean ‘masculine’ in a type of slang called Polari, otherwise known as Palare. Whilest the exact timeframe of this phrase becoming popularized is unclear, it was popular before the radical feminist movement had separated lesbians and bisexual women, meaning that, even if it did mean ‘masculine lesbian’, it would refer to all WLW, as that is what ‘lesbian’ meant at the time. Butch came into common use with lesbians in the 1940s; again, before the separationist movement came to split up the WLW community into ‘lesbians’ and ‘bisexuals’. There were plenty of butch non-monosexuals (which was the term back then for what we now know as bisexuality).

However, the first usage of ‘butch’ and ‘femme’ is actually ball culture. Ball culture was widely dominated by LGBT+ youth of color. The terms including ‘butch’ and ‘femme’ included:

Butch queen: cis MLM

Femme queen: trans and feminine woman

Butches: masculine-presenting women

Butch queen schoolboy realness: A cis MLM. The ‘realness’ refers to being able to ‘pass’ as a heterosexual male.

Femme queen realness: A trans woman. The ‘realness’ refers to being able to ‘pass’ as a cis woman.

Femme queen face: a category trans woman, highlighting their face.

Butch face: a category for masculine cis women, highlighting their face

Butch queen face: a category for cis men, highlighting their face

Vogue femme: a vogue category for cis MLM and trans men

Femme queen performance: a vogue category for trans women

As you can see, ‘butch’ and ‘femme’ applied to a wide variety of LGBT+ people! It’s easy to dismiss ball culture in the modern era, as it appears to have mostly been taken over by cishets at this point, but when it began, ball culture was for LGBT+ folks; a safe haven for trans, nonbinary and GNC people of color.

So, the terms ‘butch’ and ‘femme’ started off as slang and/or categories in a culture where the L, the G, the B, the T and the plus to all preform. Not even mildly close to lesbian-exclusive in that regard. But I’m sure, when you think about femme and butch history, you think of bar culture.

‘Butch’ and ‘femme’ labels closer to how we know them today started in lesbian-only gay bars, around the 1940s. However, ‘lesbian’, at this point in time, was still just a term meaning ‘WLW’, which means that lesbian bars were frequented by women exclusively attracted to women and women attracted to multiple genders. This means that not only were bi women there during yet another situation often accredited to coining these terms but, since these terms would have been born from bars where bi women would have been, that would have literally meant that bi women also helped to coin these terms, as well.

It wasn’t until the 1960s (and no sooner) that the word ‘lesbian’ began known as being exclusively attracted to women, and not to men whatsoever. The separationist movement between lesbians and bisexuals can be largely attributed to TERF Shelia Jeffery’s manifesto. It says, rather bluntly, ‘Our definition of a political lesbian is a woman-identified woman who does not (want to be intimate with) men,’ and describes bisexual women as ‘collaborating with the enemy’. Women who took this stance on being attracted to only women as a political statement are often referred to as ‘political lesbians’. That is to say, of course, not all lesbians who defined lesbianism this way were radical feminists or political lesbians. However, for a, if not large, than extremely vocal, group, that is what lesbianism was to them; a political statement. By the 80’s, there was a firm split between bi women and lesbians, who proceeded to ignore the fact that the ‘traitorous’ bi women had ever been there at all. They successfully erased bi women’s history. After all, all of their history and culture had ‘LESBIAN’ written in big, bold, capital letters! This is why now, people can easily think that ‘femme’ and ‘butch’ are lesbian-exclusive; because radical feminists were purposefully trying to erase bisexual women’s part in their history.

And, again, on usage of ‘femme’ outside of women exclusively being attracted to women; James McDoland’s Dictionary of Obscenity, Taboo and Euphemism, published in 1988, defines ‘fem’ like this:

“Fem (col.) A passive homosexual.

The term may be applied to both men and women, but more usually to men. It Australia it is generally applied only to men.

It is based upon the French word for women, femme, and indeed, in English, this spelling is sometimes used for passive lesbians, in preference to fem.”

Continuing with usage of fem(me) to describe men in books, is this quote from Leslie Feinberg’s ‘Stone Butch Blues’ (published in 1993):

“Jacqueline patted my thigh and flashed me a sweet smile. The other femmes - male and female - looked at me differently. As the world beat the stuffing out of us, they tried in every way to protect and nurture our tenderness.”

And, from the same book: “I ran my fingertips over the dark wood near my thigh. “I love them so much, too. But when gets it for me is high femme. It’s funny - it doesn’t matter whether it’s women or men - it’s always high femme that pulls me by the waist and makes me sweat.”

It is the obvious statement that men can use ‘femme’ that we are mainly interested in here. However, this means that the writer of ‘Stone Butch Blues’, who is, as the name implies, a butch, is attracted to both men and women, as stated in the second quote.

Speaking of bisexual butches in the 90s, there is this newspaper:

(ID: A picture of a butch woman. The caption of the photo reads: Name that Butch. The first one to correctly identify this local Boston bi in her butch attire and email [email protected] will win a copy of ‘Hot & Bothered 4: Short Short Fiction on Lesbian Desire.’)

All of this is why the claim ‘butch and femme arose from the LESBIAN community for LESBIANS exclusively about the LESBIAN experience’ is misleading; lesbian communities were shared with bisexuals from the very beginning. ‘Lesbian’ meant all WLW. So, that means that butch and femme arose from the WLW community for WLW exclusively about the WLW experience. Bi women who are attracted to women and lesbians share the exact same history; the same history which created these terms. And it didn’t even just belong to WLW, historically! It was originally used in ball culture before anything else, which included the entire LGBT+ community.

SOURCES:

(Source 1) (Source 2) (Source 3) (Source 4) (Source 5) (Source 6) (Source 7) (Source 8) (Source 9) (Source 10) (Source 11) (Source 12)

More Reading On This Subject:

The Evolution of Femme: As the user states, “In this project I hope to explore the evolution of femme identity and the changes it has gone through… I argue that femme is a term that has history in many parts of the LGBTQ community.“ A thoroughly interesting read, which dives into the different contexts of the femme identity.

A Brief His and Herstory of Butch And Femme: An article written by a nonbinary lesbian, talking about the ‘lesbian exclusive’ myth, calling out biphobia, and the irony of the “white butch and femme” ideal of terms that were originally made by QTPOC.

Why Butch/Femme Belong To Bisexuals As Well: An article written by a bisexual woman, which links to a multitude of sources, including books, essays and her other articles on bi matters.

And now, a FAQ, to debunk misinformation and common biphobic sentiments!

Q: I heard that bi women called themselves a part of the LGBT community when they were in a relationship with a woman, but called themselves straight when with a man.

A: This is misinformation. As I said before, ‘lesbian’ was not an identity; it was something you did. If you ever were in a relationship with or had attraction to a woman, you were a lesbian. They didn’t consider themselves a lesbian at some point, or straight at another; much more common was the phrase ‘non-monosexual lesbian’, if they even bothered to make a distinction at all. Again, I feel like I must compare how ‘lesbian’ was used to the term ‘WLW’ nowadays; even bi women nowadays who are in relationships with men are WLW. That’s how the term ‘lesbian’ worked.

Q: Uhhh, ‘doe’ and ‘stag’ were LITERALLY made for this reason. Use your OWN terms.

A: Yes, you’re right. ‘Doe’ and ‘stag’ WERE made out of pressure put on bi women to not ‘steal lesbian culture’. But do you realize how insanely dehumanizing it is to say, ‘You’re not allowed to identify as these terms with your history behind them, go identify as an animal instead’? Many WOC are uncomfortable with these terms, because they are animal terms. Plus, we never should have had to make those terms. ‘Femme’ and ‘butch’ belong to us, too. And we shouldn’t have to make up new terms with no history behind them just so people won’t bully us for using our terms. Bi women can identify as a stag or doe IF THEY WANT. It is not your place to tell them how to identify.

On this subject, the creators of the term ‘doe’ had this to say: “Why is there a perceived divide between ‘bi’ and ‘lesbian’ history? We share history. We run in the same circles. Usually kissing!… It (doe and tomcat discourse) exists within a framework that already posits bi women and lesbians as exclusive circles that sometimes overlapped, when really we have always been one circle, and radical feminism warped us… I created it (doe) as an alternative to femme because lesbians voiced discomfort with bi women using their self-identifiers. But what is yours and what is ours? Why are we inventing new language when we should be consolidating, reuniting, and celebrating one another?” (Source)

While I do not agree with everything that is said in that post, it is important to note that even one of the creators of these terms seems to be upset about having to create whole new terms for the bisexual community when bi women and lesbians share so much history.

Also, getting back to racism, ‘doe’ and ‘stag’ are very uncomfortably close to the term ‘buck’. ‘Black buck’ was a racist term used to describe black men who refused to follow the law of white people and is painted as rude and violent. This is yet another reason why bisexual people of color do not want to touch these terms with a 5-foot pole. (Source)

Q: Why can’t lesbians have something to themselves for once?!

A: Please, don’t pull the oppression competition card on me. All LGBT+ people are oppressed. It shouldn’t be a race of who is ‘the MOST oppressed’. Lesbians have a lot to themselves, and so do bi women. This not a matter of ‘letting a group have something for themselves’, or ‘we’re the most oppressed, you take everything from us’. This is a matter of taking back something that was purposefully and maliciously taken away from us by biphobic radical feminists.

Q: History doesn’t matter, it’s the NEW definition that matters, and the NEW definition means it’s a LESBIAN identity.

A: When bi women say that they want to identify as femme or butch, people pull out the ‘it’s always been a lesbian term, historically’ card. When we show said people the historical facts, people pull the, ‘it’s the NEW definition that matters’ card. Please choose one. Besides, if the definition changed one (from all WLW to lesbians), then it can change again, if you allow it. Plus, it’s really crappy to say, ‘I know you used to use these terms too, and they’re a part of your history, but, you can’t use them because we decided we don’t want you to. These are ours now.’

Q: But you are inherently available to men! You can’t be a butch or femme if you can be in a straight relationship!

A: Please, think about your wording. ‘Inherently available to men’ is a term many bi women detest. It makes us sound like an item for men to consume whenever they wish. Bi women cannot, by definition, be in a ‘straight relationship’, because, by her being in it, one of the parties is not cishet. Besides, some bi women aren’t even attracted to men (I’ve met women who are attracted to nonbinary people and women and call themselves bi). Even if a bi woman is currently in or looking for a relationship with a man, bi women (who didn’t have that term at the time) who were “available to men” identified as a femme or butch, when the terms were created and popularized.

Q: But if a man is with a woman who says she’s a butch or femme, that’ll perpetuate the stereotype that lesbians can be with men!

A: If a lesbian is telling a man they wouldn’t want to be with him, they wouldn’t just say, “I am a femme/butch.” They would say, “I am a femme/butch lesbian.” And if a man still tries to be with them after learning they are a lesbian, he is lesbophobic. That is not bi women’s faults. Besides, ‘femme’ and ‘butch’ are terms meant to define ourselves in our own community, not to straight men.

Q: You can’t understand what butch and femme REALLY mean unless you’re a lesbian.

A: So, we are ‘less WLW’ than you because we may or may not be attracted to men, so we cannot understand, is what you are saying? Or, more so that we aren’t able to understand it, but if we identified as lesbians, we would magically gain the ability to understand, because we’re lesbians? Definitions of words aren’t that hard to understand. We don’t use them because they’re ‘cool’. Bi women are not too stupid to understand, and it’s patronizing and INCREDIBLY rude to treat us like we’re too dumb to understand terms we helped to create.

Q: You kept talking about bi women in that essay. What about other LGBT+ people?

A: I talked specifically about bi women, because that is what I am and what this blog is about. However, I believe all LGBT+ people can use butch and femme. It was coined in ball culture, after all, which embraced all LGBT+ folks and their gender expression!

Q: Well, if it’s for all LGBT+ people and not just lesbians or WLW, what does it mean?

I believe that butch and femme are very contextual identities. There’s a lesbian context, a general WLW context, a trans context, a MLM context, and so on and so forth. However, generally speaking, I would say that a good definition for butch would be ‘a LGBT+ person whose masculinity is tied to them being LGBT+, and preforms masculinity for one’s self, and not because of societal pressure or the lackthereof.’ A good definition for femme would be similar, but replacing masculinity for femininity.

Q: This is implying that bisexuals aren’t different from lesbians and don’t deserve their own spaces.

Using terms that we were there for the coining of and the culture of is implying that how, exactly? By using ‘femme’ and ‘butch’, we aren’t saying we should all be one label again. We’re just saying, “This is our history, too, and although we are separate now, that doesn’t change that we were there for the coining of these terms and thus get to use them.” I’m not saying that we aren’t different. I’m saying that back then, there was no differentiation, and that it’s our history, too. Blocking bi women off from our history under the guise of “actually you’re being biphobic” (usually to somebody not bisexual to a bisexual) is just choosing to care about biphobia when it’s convenient to use against bisexuals who want access to our history, and is virtue-signaling at its finest.

Q: When the bisexual identity was created, 'butch’ and 'femme’ remained as lesbian terms. If bisexuals used them, why didn’t it change?

Because when the term 'bisexual’ was getting popular, the extremely popular radical feminist movement was trying to push them out of lesbian spaces purposefully, which previously belonged to them. It didn’t change because radical feminists (who held a LOT of power at that time) didn’t want it to, and because they were purposefully erasing bisexuals’ part in lesbian history, because we were 'traitors’. They hated us and wanted us out of their history. They made that painfully clear.

Q: I think that (x female historical figure or all female historical figures who was romantically with a man and used 'butch’ or 'femme’) was experiencing comphet or was forced to be with a man due to homophobia.

They might have been. But they might have also been bisexual. I don’t know for sure, and neither do you, and to be honest, I find debating dead peoples’ sexualities to be disrespectful (which is why I say 'was with a man’ rather than 'bisexual’ when talking about historical figures). Instead, I’ll just say: every single one? You really think that not a single one was bisexual? That’s… HIGHLY unlikely and bordering on implausible, which is not what you want a core part of your argument to be. (And I’m just going to mention real quick that ‘most/all people attracted to both men and women are with men due to comphet, they’re actually lesbians’ is a biphobic talking point, notably used by both the original radical feminist movement and the current one, and this argument is teetering DANGEROUSLY close to that.)

Q: Just say you hate lesbians and go, lesbophobe!

A: Okay, so we’re going to try and claim that one is bigoted for literally just knowing their history now? Nowhere here did I say lesbians COULDN’T use these terms, either, which is, ironically, better than what femme/butch gatekeepers are trying to do. So, by this logic, maybe I should just reply to every femme/butch gatekeeper with ‘just say you hate bi women and go’!

Q: You’re not a femme or butch if you’re not a lesbian, no matter how much you say you are.

A: Ah, I see, we’re deciding other’s identities for them now? Alright. What if someone decided to say that all gay people are actually bi? By this logic, if someone decided to say, ‘Gay people are actually bi, no matter how much they say they are gay, so nobody can identify as gay or a lesbian anymore,’ that must make them correct!

No. It doesn’t make them correct. Just because you decide to say ‘you can’t be this thing no matter how much you say you are’ doesn’t mean that anybody has to listen to you, or change their label. And, before someone attempts to take this out of context; no, I don’t believe in my example statement. I was trying to make a comparison of a biphobic statement to what would be a lesbophobic/homophobic statement.

Q: I didn’t read this whole thing because it’s too long and because I think you’re wrong, and I’m not going to try and read obviously incorrect information.

A: I’ve gotten this response multiple times. I can’t force you to read this, but I must say that refusing to read historical facts because you can’t stand to be provided with evidence that you may be incorrect is extremely telling to your state of mind involving this topic. That’s basically just covering your ears, closing your eyes, and screaming, “LALALALA! I’M RIGHT! I CAN’T HEAR YOUUU, LALALA!”

Q: But I-