birdie with frozen beak

chilly when you wake up, making you wonder whether this is even summer

then it takes all the way up to past midday for it to get sort of warm, "sort of" cos when you're in the shade that warmth is just a whisper to you

It goes that for skipping the kind of winters you see this far north, this place got cheated out of a proper summer in return. So you have this place stuck between freezing and thawing, wet and icy at the same time while the wind's doing just about nothing to dry things off, still so intent on piercing right through you instead.

i left the room the night before, leaving the heat on cos i thought it was on a day/night schedule (it had been, but not since it got repaired just few days before)

so i came back, chilled, to this warm room, stripped to my underwear and rushed under the covers

flush so warm it felt like a fever

honestly right then and there i felt almost the kind of relief right after a rollercoaster ride

but looking back, that was far too easy... now it feels unfair, cheating

---

i know the explanation to this, sort of. the body -- up to a point -- responds not quite to absolutes but rather to differences (see also: tap water feeling slightly warm to already icy hands)

i understand but i'm having a hard time accepting it

and then pin me down where the north sea skirts the shore and let the water batter me

a coastal city, often battered by biting winds. you see this structure: walls out of granite stone, roof out of something like glass -- not sure what it's actually made out of, but you can see the sky through it. high ceiling, and a fairly sparse floor.

and that space is pretty opened up -- it's a train station you see, and the access to the platforms are open, no solid doors in between. and in that remarkably airy space, part of it is the waiting hall, and the seats are metal.

now picture you hopping off the night train, arriving here 2am. one way or another, you decide to wait for the morning here before you continue your journey... and ending up falling asleep on that metal bench.

i wrote things like "feels like losing a finger or two" and being extinguished into less than embers

...dear reader, it was only 2 degrees centigrade (though it did feel like -6 with the wind -- but once sheltered that shouldn't be an issue right?)

(in my defence. i'd been lashed with sleet earlier that day and that soaked me 2-3 layers down, and much as i tried wringing and patting everything dry, i was still left with damp clothes that i had to keep on)

a certain wise person once said that everyone -- like everything -- has their own freezing point

and this was a kind of cold i was never used to

and i wasn't the only one in the hall who was at least some sort of miserably chilled

and i felt what i felt, and maybe that's all that matters

vs