✨ sunshine

no matter how bad the fight, say ‘i love you’ before you leave

Do any other american high schoolers have intense survivor’s guilt and trauma with school shootings even though they weren’t at your school?

Like. A laser tag place opened geared towards teenagers and it got no business, we tried to enjoy it but when someone pointed a laser machine gun at me and I instinctively dropped behind the nearest wall and reached to turn off my phone I cried, I wasn’t the only one. The announcements system turns on at an unexpected time and everyone holds their breath until they say something besides “locks, lights, out of sight,” nobody even jokingly pops chip bags anymore, a door slammed really loud during a class change and everyone dropped and ran. Everyone cries during drills, even the toughest ranch kids. Every drill comes with a full day of teachers crying and telling us that they love us all so much and will die for us, and every kid in every class looking around wondering who would I die for? Who would die for me? You walk to the bathroom and wonder every second if it happens right now, where will I go? You test supply closet doors to see which ones are unlocked, you memorize which furniture in the teachers’ lounge your English teacher says is light enough to barricade a door with. The fire alarm goes off and nobody moves, instead you wait for gunshots—it a trap? You stand with a group of freshmen and realize that you’re the oldest, you know you’ll have to die for them. You forget your ID tag and worry that now the police won’t be able to tell your parents if you’re safe, or not safe. Your stats teacher has a baseball bat by the door, your math teacher keeps a stapler under each desk to throw, your drama teacher asks who will be willing to stand by the non-locking door with the Shakespearean swords. Your yearbook teacher tells you don’t worry about breaking a camera because you heard about the kids who died holding them. You don’t use the bathroom during classes because you don’t want to be the only target to shoot at. You keep your phone on silent 24/7 because you worry the one time you forget will be when you get your whole US History class killed. You have a snap saved with your class schedule and school and full name to send in an instant to your internet friends so they know if you were on that wing, you have a note saved with the things you want your mom to know and the things you’re sorry for. At the age of 12 I was told I needed to know who I would die for and that it was okay if it was nobody, that was my decision to make. School shootings control us more than adults and non-Americans could possibly imagine and nobody moves to change anything unless we’re actively screaming for it. Have you considered we’re too scared?

miss those nights living hard until we broke our spell on this particular rooftop, either abandoned or under construction, living life parallel to all those suits on ground level. watch them like ants because we own this city. show me the fucking sunrise

i really love watching brown girls grow into womanhood loving themselves, their bodies, their passions, bc our entire lives we are raised to hate everything that makes us and everything that we love and enjoy. i love watching us bask in the sunlight bc we’ve been told to hide from the sun, i love watching us play sports bc we’ve been told to hide our arms and legs and not to make any such movements that can be seen as ‘distracting,’ i love watching us sneak in a smoke or drink, breaking free of such restrictive rules, i love watching us love ourselves and grow and grow and do whatever the fuck we please and not once feel guilty for simply enjoying ourselves. we have been raised to be ashamed of everything we enjoy, we have been raised to hide ourselves and keep quiet. so when i see us enjoy things, show ourselves and speak up fearlessly, i myself feel like i am too thriving. better times are nearer 

My grandmother always said to date the eyes of the night. So many of you youngsters are so infatuated with darkness as a lover, a beautiful and formless wonder but will hardly look into the eyes. The darkness is a blanket, the wind, the water, always changing and ever shifting, rolling, wrinkling, and concealing both truths and terrors. The eyes however will always show honesty, the eyes will always betray the secrets of the body and make the truth shine ever brighter. Date the eyes of the darkness for you can see the love they hold for you even if they’re closed the light will shine through and bring you comfort even when you’re embraced by all that is hidden. The eyes of the night shine bright with stories of lovers past and future, each shimmer a dance, and though you many not be the nights first love, the night will teach you all it has learned in eons, so long as you meet its gaze.

why do people think humans are the peak of evolution. bears get to eat berries and salmon all the time and sleep half the year. how is that not so much more advanced than working every day until i die!