Bipolar 2 and Borderline Personality Disorder

I wanted to die for a while, but I live for the life I experience. Whatever life looks like. Live for the experience of life.

When the realization hits you that you’ll eventually be alone.

I was fired today. I worked hard to be a good employee, but made some mistakes. My boss wants me to fight to come back, but it’s not worth it. I don’t have the energy for it to be worth it. I have so much shame and regret for my mistakes, but anger and pain for other people’s mistakes that effected me. I hate myself for messing up but hate the people that didn’t try very hard to help.

It’s weird how things can change so much in a few months. I’ve gone from pretty depressed to very depressed to semi-stable to I don’t know what the hell is going on.

My paranoia has been bad lately. Someone was talking behind my back at work and now I’m worried that others are too. I shouldn’t care, but when I hear people whispering, my emotional mind thinks it about me. It makes me stressed out, frustrated, angry, and scared. People talking about me is not the end of the world, but it can overtake my whole day sometimes. My self-esteem is fragile and I feel like I need to please people. Someone’s words have more of an effect on me than I’d like to admit. I want acceptance, but I’m afraid if I trust people, they’ll ruin me.