The afterlife of the party ✞

Kill every motherfucker in the room and fuck the wounded

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

lot of people forget that when you get your hair or body parts caught in industrial equipment the equipment, while obviously the more dominant partner, is the "bottom" within the context of the scene

ill do a whole lot more than just bite the bullet ill fuck the gun too

nine inch fucks: I want to nail you like an animal

nine inch screws: I want to fuck you like an animal, but predominantly using gyrating motions rather than thrusting ones

Posts that be like “If I were a monster that had to eat people, i would just eat horrible people~” are so absurd to me. How often do you see Known Criminals on the street? Billionaires out for a nightly stroll around town? Effectively fucking never. If I have to drag myself to the grocery store, you think it’s gonna be any easier for me to hunt Bezos and Co. every time my stomach growls? I can’t bother to plan meals more than a day in advance, how am i gonna perform whole ass detective work to confirm someone’s a serial killer before i eat them? Ya’ll got that much time on your hands? Planning 5 course meals every night of the week? Don’t make me laugh. Eat a pedestrian and tragically wrestle with guilt like the rest of us, idiot.

Getting kicked off love island for trying to poison the men

day 1 of a siege i'd be talking so much shit like fuck you i bet my provisions will outlast yours. my grain stores are huge my people resourceful as fuck. what are you gonna do when your food runs out, kill and eat each other with all those weapons you brought to slaughter us? embarrassing!

day 2 of a siege kitten i can't lie. daddy's getting a little worried we won't survive this.

one must imagine sisyphus in margaritaville

clicking on the "for you" tab and seeing a post that says "my favorite dumb gay character from a stupid thing that sucks ❤️" with an unflattering picture of you

they should have named the "friday the 13th" sequels "friday the 14th", "friday the 15th", "friday the 16th", etc. so eventually everyone would be scared Every Day

hey. i heard what the devil on your shoulder just told you to do to me. pervert.

shes so delirious shes gonna let him hit. for the first time ever