queer scorpio shit

as I write this in a Manhattan cafe, everything just feels surreal right now. my parents were born in nyc, and ever since I was 7 years old, I've been saying I want to live here someday. thankfully, I never let that go. all of my friends (and honestly, most any acquaintance who talks with me for more than 10 minutes) have been listening to me talk about doing this for years. the art i surround myself with in my home is mostly nyc themed to help keep my eyes on the prize; almost every major financial decision I've made in the last decade has been made with moving east in mind; every time I job search, I always apply to jobs in nyc; and i've made it a point to visit at least once a year for every year that I could afford it.

i promised myself a couple years ago that if I ended up single at 30, I'd drop what I'm doing and finally move to nyc. and well... here we are, pushing 30 in a matter of months, and i signed for an apartment earlier this week. this next decade is the greatest gift i could give myself and i'm so proud that i didn't need anyone but myself to make this dream a reality.

my whole life, I've been fighting against the odds. everything I have, I've worked for and built myself. determination and grit doesn't even begin to cover it. while there have been moments where i'd felt absolutely shattered, like every time i've come in second place for a job interview in nyc after being flown out by the employer, i somehow always found a way to rise up and fight again. that's the power of dreams, i guess. and fulfilling this dream will be the greatest feat i've been able to pull off in this life.

it's been an emotional process and a long road to get here. the next few weeks are my last living in San Francisco—I hope to end things on the west coast on a sweet note before everything changes. honestly, i don't know what's on the other side of this change. even though i've been visiting this place my whole life and i already have a wonderful life here, i'm still taking a leap of faith. a question I've been asking myself as all of this has been coming together: what exactly does it feel like to achieve your biggest dream?