live. laugh. lobotomize me.

Anytime I’m stressed I just think about how I’m not pregnant. Literally takes the pressure right off

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

(guy who heard that she needs to romanticize her life but got it confused with eroticize): migraine light sensitivity is just another type of sensation play when you think about it

its kind of fun to uninstall programs you arent using to free up space and see them all beg for their lives

Imagine being the gays at a pride event in 2004 living their lives when someone grabs the microphone and announces to the room that Ronald Reagan was pronounced dead. Can you even imagine the hype, the celebration, the pure elation

This is the Pride Month that It will happen. I feel it in my gay bones

not all character interpretations are valid some of you are sexist

not all character interpretations are valid some of you are racist

@apocrypals

Hi, pope expert here. This isn’t funny — popes only do this when they’re in extreme distress

The apple they fed to snow white wasnt poision at all it was just a red delicious

Found my husband’s baby book. OBSESSED with an image of him, newborn baby, on what looks like a large white comforter, alone, with the caption New Guy In Town. Obsessed I tell you.

‘how would other people describe you’ why would i know this