Biggum!

Been absent from here. Doesn't really matter, I dont talk to anyone through here anyway. But, I've been somewhat isolating recently. Havent really talk to many people in the past 2~3 weeks. Having a lot of positive changes, though. Projected to close on my first house around Christmas. I'll be living alone, but it's manageable and, realistally, the best I'm really ever going to get, so I won't complain. I earned it. What I've mostly been mulling about during this time has been relationships. How they effect me and who those people are. More importantly: how even is the relationship? I think more often than not, most people think they're getting the short end of the stick. It's a problem with perspective, I think, but I try and keep that in the back of my mind. Either way, I'm pretty pissed off. I dont see many of my relationships are even in a sense. I feel used & discarded, nobody to really talk it through with. Not sure I really want to. I just want to drop it all. Closure won't really fix anything. Open oppritunity to slap me back into a cycle? Something. Self doubt it so annoying. Is this just paranoia? It doesn't feel like it. Feels real. Feels like real, genuine betrayal. I should be madder than I am. I think im going ti allow myself to feel it.