I will be like "I'm fine" and then another fucking event will occur
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@bichimnotmadonna
I will be like "I'm fine" and then another fucking event will occur

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My partner was laying in bed and lifted up their shirt to make their stomach ‘talk’ and jokingly I asked “her what’s your name” and they made their belly say “boobie mcbutton” and I said “that’s a shitty name” and my partner stares at me dead in the eye looks down at their stomach and they make their stomach say “well your a shitty girlfriend” in the most monotone voice and I lost it I’m still laughing about this. @ameliathehippo
AmericaIRL
the children playing outside below my apartment are very seriously and passionately accusing each other of witchcraft
its plague times baby!!
@angryglitterygal
I fucking love this video
i chokeddddd

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Me in my mind in a restaurant...
My ed: you look so fucking fat like wtf you don’t deserve to eat
My depression: eat everything. No one cares anyway. It won’t matter because you’ll be dead anyway.
My anxiety: but what if someone sees me eat? I’ll look like a whale!! Oh god what do we do??? Ugh.
Me: ok I’ll just eat something healthy. I’ll take a salad.
My ed: NO
My depression: NO
My anxiety: NO
Me: ok well I’m starving wtf do you want me to do. I haven’t eaten in 18 hours.
My ed: good. You gonna be skinni Queen In no time.
My anxiety: but what if people start to question why I’m not eating anything?
My ed: make up and excuse goddamit you’ve done this before.
My depression: no one will care enough to worry if you’re eating or not.
Me: ok ya know what what if I just die
My ed: yes
My depression: yes
My anxiety: yes
fUck
your crimes are known. the frog council sits in judgement.
I opened Tumblr and almost screamed
the guilt has hold of you. confess
This is the bare minimum of decent human behavior for ANY gender. If you are an adult and someone who is not an adult wants to have a relationship with you, it is your duty to, at bare minimum, turn them away.
and like... having crushes on adults is a Normal Adolescent Thing, but it doesn’t mean they’re ready for--or for that matter, want--an actual relationship with said adult. it’s a goddamn developmental phase for kids working out their sexuality, and treating it as a chance to get laid is fucking monstrous.
Recommended tactics to deal with a child hitting on you:
“kiddo”
“buddy”
inform a friend to ensure you’re never left alone with them
refer to own age in conversation
“yeah, I know I look young, but you wouldn’t BELIEVE how awkward it is being mistakenly hit on by a teenager!”
upon that child turning 18:
“Happy birthday, kiddo!”
“Have you registered to vote yet?”
“Man, being a baby adult was so hard, good luck with that”
There are many great voices, but not all are human. — Native American proverb. 📷: @migbrgd #upknorth #getoutofthecity (at Banff, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8Zj2zUgr9d/?igshid=w6dzsp0o8j28

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i took a philosophy class my first year at community college, and it was the funnest shit ever - prof gave us a powerpoint and told us to fight with him when we disagreed so we could have discussions, then gave us his steam username so we could play racing games together. one time, he told us this story about a prof he had in grad school - guy was tenured, and apparently a great teacher. but he had this time built into his schedule where other profs would be in labs, experimenting, doing research, where he stood in his empty classroom with a warm cup of tea and stared out the window. for these 1.5 hour schedule blocks. and the administration would come to him and be like “dude, we’re not paying you to stare out the window, why aren’t you working?” and he’d say, “i am working. i’m a philosopher, it’s my job to contemplate the world and life and that’s what I’m doing,” and they couldn’t do shit cause he was tenured. and then every handful of years he’d pop out a book that blew everybody’s tits off and they’d get a surge of new philosophy grads come to study with him and make the school a lot of money.
So yeah, i think that’s still what being a philosopher is like
bot named Dirty Sink Beef
Random coronavirus tweets I liked. Add your faves!
Ready for spring

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WHEN 👏YOU👏CHOKE 👏A 👏GIRL 👏DURING👏SEX 👏SQUEEZE👏 THE👏SIDES👏OF👏HER👏NECK👏WITH👏YOUR👏FINGERS👏NOT👏 WITH👏YOUR 👏PALM 👏YOU'RE👏SUPPOSED👏TO 👏TURN👏HER👏 ON👏NOT👏KILL👏 HER 👏