Pretty and witty and gay

I’m hiding money from my wife…..TO BUY HER GIFTS LMAO BITCH U THOUGHT.

Oh hey where’d this fucking SNIPER ROUND COME FROM

You don’t want to be rich. You want to live freely.

That’s it

that’s it, man.

The idea of being super-rich actually scares me. I don’t want to be so empty inside that I spend my money on $30,000 ugly handbags and giant boats and shit. I just want to pay my bills without panic and support lots of charities.

And maybe go some places

there’s a certain type of sexism u only see if u have brothers…even if it’s not stated, it’s always expected for daughters to be a caregiver and do more housework than the boys in the home. and when sons DO step up and do half as much they’re automatically given praise for things we don’t even get a simple thank you for. they’re also given a thousand times more freedom…it’s truly incredible to witness lmao

i can’t like.. casually read. either i read 7,000 pages in a span of two days without food or sleep and forget to fucking breathe or i don’t ready anything, not even road signs for six months

This is from call the midwife and I was howling at this scene

Accurate

truly could’ve never guessed the second half of this 5 second video

Pick me up like this

“That woman’s tongue can change my credit score.”

john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be

he literally called her a bitch so let’s raise the standards ladies and gentlemen

the bar is at the earth’s core 

This is the first I heard of this guy and I think this is the most dramatically I’ve seen anyone’s words taken out of context in quite a while

your work is appreciated

It’s 1:30 am and I’m cackling like a deranged witch