cherry valley forever
todays bird
macklin celebrini has autism

JVL
Three Goblin Art
Mike Driver

Origami Around
YOU ARE THE REASON

tannertan36
$LAYYYTER
One Nice Bug Per Day

oozey mess
Jules of Nature
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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

⁂


blake kathryn
seen from Switzerland

seen from United States
seen from Argentina

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Congo - Kinshasa

seen from Belgium
seen from Bosnia & Herzegovina
seen from Italy
seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from Vietnam
seen from France

seen from Maldives

seen from United States

seen from Türkiye
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States

seen from United States
@mossadspydolphin

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Something that annoys me is the constant whining about "more queer spaces, more queer communities" but then they're immediately like "yeah! And we need ones that don't cost money or require a purchase!"
Girl that's exactly why they close down after a year. You NEED money to keep these places open. There's no magic Gay Money Pot with endless cash to keep these places open. It requires YOU to put your money where your values are!!
Like there was a queer coffee shop in my city. Owned and operated by a bunch of LGBT people. Not a cishet on the schedule. Tons of young people raved about it.
And it made it about 2 years before shutting down completely. Because all those young people who begged for a place exactly like this would just show up, not buy a single thing, and leave. You cannot build a community without putting your money into it. This isn't about capitalism, this is just reality. You can't open a restaurant where no one buys your food. You can't have a gay bar that only serves 5% of the population and actively excludes everyone else. This is what I mean when I say people confuse "community" and "friend group." You're not obligated to spend money when hanging out with your friend group. But if you want a lasting community centered space, you need to open up that wallet.
People who cannot find beauty in every biome on earth are incredibly bizarre to me. "yeah this place is really beautiful but this place isnt :/". what the fuck are you talking about. start admiring that rock and that tree and that bug and that scrubby little plant and that weird animal and that extreme weather right now. im not telling you to go live there but please you gotta start enjoying all kinds of nature im begging you.
jeff goldblum is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s jewish. nathan lane is the type of guy who gets mistaken for jewish because he’s gay. stanley tucci is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s a mild-mannered italian, which is jewish. seth meyers gets mistaken for jewish because of everything about him. zachary levi gets mistaken for jewish because everyone wants him dead. tom cruise gets mistaken for gay because he is.
@magnetothemagnificent's addition: Weird Al Yankovic and Robin Williams get mistaken for Jewish because they're funny

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There's always something so painful about watching a pretty good actor fighting for their life to give a decent performance of an absolutely dogshit script. Putting their whole heart soul and pussy into delivering the stupidest lines you've heard in your life. My god. We have to get them out of there
I always get a kick when a video is clearly set in Israel or made by an Israeli with a super thick accent and there's zero comments about it because the haters are so ignorant they have no idea what Israel looks like or Hebrew sounds like
Not Israeli but perfectly able to credit that this happens, given many of said haters can't even tell apart Hebrew and Arabic writing...
I wish I could find it but I remember watching a TikTok about the Dead Sea scrolls and someone literally wrote (UNIRONICALLY) “I wonder why it’s in Arabic? 🤔” like oh my GOD you could literally see the HEBREW in the VIDEO. How are people not embarrassed to spout off garbage before googling something so basic??
Right? If nothing else all examples of Hebrew AND Arabic writing that I've ever seen are really visually distinct! Arabic's very fluid and rounded, and Hebrew has a blocky, angular character even when handwritten, so even though I personally can't read a word of either it's not hard to tell them apart!
One COULD even argue that at least RECOGNIZING what is and isn't a given culture's writing should be a minimum level of knowledge before you comment on that culture's history...
i just wanna be good enough in my eyes
buffy summers appreciation week
↳ day six • favorite season » season 2
“buffy stares at him, his words hitting home. she looks exhausted, and terribly sad. she shuts her eyes. he lunges, shooting his arm out, the sword straight at her face. without opening her eyes she slams her palms together over the blade, stopping it an inch from her face. she opens her eyes, meets his gaze, and realizes what she has is herself.”
Ladies and Gentlemen I give you dumpass Menelaus from Euripides!
Hecuba: Don't let her in the same boat as you! Menelaus: Why's that? Does she weight more than before?
(Translation by me)
Seriously I bet everyone in the audience would be like:
Hahaha Hecuba basically warns Menelaus not to put Helen in the same boat he would travel in, so that his intentions wouldn't be misunderstood or that his mind would be swayed by Helen's beauty and that dumpass idiot made either the stupidest question in humanity or the most inappropriate timing joke ever or possibly a combination of both!
Like...DUDE!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Euripides my dude your beef with this ginger is unparalleled! Hahaha I think people had their attention on Odysseus again when they should be having it on this guy! Hahahahahaha
OH THIS IS IN THE ORIGINAL TOO?
i haven't actually read any euripides plays but I saw a staged version of the trojan women and i distinctly remember this being translated as "why, did she get heavy?" i guess deep down i knew this was in the original greek but hey! you learn something new everyday!
(the translation was either directly the anne carson version or based on it, i can't recall directly)
Hahahaha nope it is in the original hahahahaha 😆 🤣 😂 Menelaus says "μεῖζον βρῖθος ἢ πάροιθ᾽ ἔχει;"
μεῖζον stands for "more"
βρῖθος stands for "weight"
ἢ stands for a past tense of "to be"
πάροιθε stands for "before"
ἔχει stands more "to have" (3rd person)
So essentially Menelaus is like "did she gain weight from the last time I saw her?" Hahaha 😆 so yeah basically Menelaus already orange cat energy had his brain paralyzed from happiness that he had his wife back hahahaha the best combo hahahaha 😆 😂 and good old dad jokes already existing 😆
I see hehe

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The complaints I’m seeing for The Odyssey are ridiculous.
The complaints I’m seeing for The Odyssey are ridiculous.
The race of actors. Some of you are complaining because of black people in Ancient Greece. Did NONE of you watch Hercules: The Legendary Journeys or Xena: Warrior Princess gowing up? Tony Todd was captain of what was essentially the flying dutchman. And Helen of Troy was black. No one complained in the 90s. Most of the actors in Xena and Hercules were from New Zealand. Also saying “Homer wouldn’t approve of how she looks.” It’s widely believed that Homer was BLIND!
Another complaint is the use of casual, modern, American-style English. Again, did none of you grow up with Xena or Hercules? Those shows were improbably anachronistic.
There are people complaining about the film being based on the Emily Wilson translation because they call it “Woke.” Do explain why and how it’s woke. Scholars have said that her translation is the most accurate to the Greek to date, for surpassing the nineteenth century translations we grew up with and pretended slavery didn’t exist in Greece.
Then there’s the complaint about Elliot Page being in the movie. Yet again, did none of you grow up with Xena and Hercules? There were trans and gender non-conforming characters and actors. It was as blatant as you could get in the 90s and it was popular by people of all political backgrounds so why is this an issue for you now?
The Complaints about the complaints people make for the Odyssey YOU make are ridiculous.
I don't care if an actor is black in an original movie not based on anything with a character description, or based on something where the character is described as black. Helen is not described as such. She is commonly attributed the epithet λευκώλενος which means WHITE ARMED and her hair is ξᾰνθός which is blonde, or light or fair.
Casual American English wasn't really present in the odyssey believe it or not! Not that Nolan would know considering he only read Wilson's translation... Stuff like the "dad" thing- yes the Greeks had words for dad. They were not used in the Odyssey. And it makes no sense anyway considering Telemachus has basically no memory of his father- he does NOT have the connection to call him "dad"!
"Scholars have said that her translation is the most accurate to the Greek to date" which scholars? Most of the ones I have read point out that Wilson's translation has some quite concerning inaccuracies! For specific problems, see my Wilson masterpost (here I have linked a reblog chain with some added details from others too), which I will sum up here: - Drops words and phrases from the original so she can fit her metrical constraints - It is praised and marketed as verse oftentimes but really it's just prose with lines - Blatant mistranslations of ecogical terminology - She just changed lots of stock phrases to say whatever she wants because she wants variation - Plenty of epithets translated incorrectly. - Mischaracterises Odysseus, Polyphemus, and the Suitors through choice of words which the greek didn't really mean. - Staggering use of anachronistic colloquialisms. - With her colloquial language she jarringly keeps a lot of archaisms too. Pick a side, Emily! - The way she makes people recognise slavery is translating basically every possibly-enslaved profession into just "slave" and doesn't even do it consistently. A good translator would use the correct specific job terms and tell their reader about slavery in the introduction. Plenty more present but that's off the top of my head.
My problem with page is the same as every character. He doesn't look greek. Also if he is indeed Achilles, he died basically in his prime. He was literally the strongest of all the Greeks, he needs to be built when we see him in the underworld. If they cast a trans greek man who was jacked asf? No problem there.
Truly, why do so many people care about these inaccuracies? It's like, in this modern age, we have this profound obsession with fidelity to the author/source text. And this simply does not reflect how artists have engaged with Homer throughout history in the European literary tradition.
Historically, when poets, playwright and painters engaged with the Homeric epics they *always* reworked them, and yes, this meant introducing all kinds of changes that would be considered inaccuracies by modern "fidelity-to-the-text" standards. The classical Attic tragedians presented the characters of the Homeric epics in ways quite different to their characterisation in the epics themselves. Here, too, they sometimes changed the plotlines of the Epic Cycle (e.g. In Euripides' Helen, she never reaches Troy but instead stays in Egypt, where a remarkaby un-Homeric Menelaus eventually reunites with her.)
Then, there's a visual retelling of the Circe episode painted on a drinking cup (c. 400BCE) that shows us a very unflattering Odysseus, pot-bellied with a puffy face and dangling dong. Certainly not the slick Odysseus i remember from Homer's work, where he coolly defies Circe's spells and beds her like he's bloody James Bond.
Then, of course, Vergil's Aeneid which insists on retelling the Trojan Horse episode by inventing a whole new character, Sinon. Shocking disloyalty to the text... I'd boycott Vergil if I were alive then. Definitely not going to see him perform 😠
Oh, then the Ilias Latina, which compresses 15,693 lines of Homer's Iliad into 1070 lines of Latin poetry. Oh boy, imagine how much of the Iliad this retelling ignores. I'm def not reading that.
And then, in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, you have gorgeous (but, oh, utterly inaccurate!) illustrations of the Trojan War that show knights in shining armour and the city of Troy looking like a full-blown Frankish castle. Hmm, seemingly changing the Homeric characters' culture and armoury, and, dare i say, maybe their race... Where have I seen that before? 🤔🤔🤔
Folks, the Homeric tradition is beautiful precisely because it reworks, reinterprets and, yes!, reinvents the epics instead of obsessing about some fidelity that was never part of this tradition historically. I don't know if this Hollywood film is gonna be any good, but criticising Nolan for being unfaithful is such a historically illiterate take, because he is literally doing what the Homeric tradition has been doing 2500+ years.
And, honestly, may we reinvent Homer a thousand times more.
Because inaccuracies matter. I would ask you back "why so many people care for the inaccuracies of middle ages" or as per fans own words "men translators" if these truly do not matter at all?
We live in a time where we have information on abundance. We are not in middle ages nor are we at the beginning of 19th century when archeology in its modern essence barely had started showing itself. People had one too many inaccurate stuff thrown at them and marketed as "genuine" or "accurate" and they got tired of it so they talk about it.
As for us Greeks? Well obviously for the same reason other ethnic groups had enough of bad representation and twist of our culture; because it is our freaking culture. Hence also us talking about them more. We have arguably as many Greeks in the US than Greece in total. We also have Greeks in UK or even in Japan. I could count in one hand the Greek actors actually hired to play Greek characters and maybe add another hand if I could non-greeks that could "Greek pass" in media.
Just remember guys we were robbed from an Odyssey movie or series...
...Where this man could have been Odysseus
...And this woman could have been Penelope
Suffer with me now!
She was and always will be Penelope. No offense to other actresses who I'm sure are wonderful, but sometimes an actor comes along who is just perfect for a role, and there will never be another.
lmfao
Oh no how can I live knowing that I'm begrudged by a scambot
It’s funny as fuck. And there’s more!
They all sound the same🤣
Me if my conscience didn't hold me back from being a Gaza scammer
But what prevents you from donating if you’re able to do so?😔
I just sent my life savings to a Nigerian prince who needed a loan. He'll pay me back with interest any day now.
as a child i assumed that martha’s vineyard was a fancy private vineyard owned by martha stewart and the reason rich people vacationed there was because they were friends with martha
have you talked at all about the animorphs going through a groundhog day/new game plus kind of time loop before? it's one of my favorite tropes / aus.
• Jake wakes up. It’s a Southern California day like any other: sunny, 70, chance of aliens. He showers, slumps downstairs, pours himself a bowl of Frosted Flakes. Does his best to ignore the controller sitting across the table and staring at him. Brushes his teeth. Catches the bus.
Jake goes to Homeroom. Jake goes to Algebra. Jake goes to French. Jake goes to U.S. History. Jake goes to lunch. Jake goes to Remedial English. Jake goes to Biology. Jake goes home.
“Remember,” Marco says, as they’re heading out. “Tonight. The usual place.”
Jake sighs, nodding. It seems like that’s all they do these days, meet and try to talk their way up to going on the next mission.
He’s tired. They’re all tired.
Maybe none of them more than Rachel, who is already grinding her teeth when she walks through the door. “I can’t tonight,” she says. “My mom needs me to babysit Jordan and Sara again.”
“Seriously?” Marco asks.
Jake knows why — this has been happening a lot lately. It’s unlike Rachel to put off a mission, and yet. It’s the yeerk pool. None of them want to go back, even her. Even if it means destroying an entire kandrona shipment Erek has pointed them toward.
But Jake’s in charge. It’s Jake’s job to say “Fine. We’ll try again tomorrow.” And so he does.
• Jake wakes up. He showers, he eats his sugar-covered corn, he does his best to hope he hasn’t caught the wrong kind of attention from the thing that looks like Tom. He leaves for school.
Algebra seems like it’s been getting easier lately. In French, he finishes a sentence correctly the first time the teacher prompts him. Maybe he’s been getting better at balancing it all.
Or maybe it’s just been forever since they’ve been on a real mission.
“I can’t tonight,” Rachel says, when they’ve barely started the meeting. “My mom needs me to babysit Jordan and Sara again.”
Marco’s response is sharp and sarcastic. Jake curls his head forward, pressing it against his knees. He gets why Marco’s annoyed. This keeps happening.
“Jake?” Cassie asks softly.
He lifts his head. “If this happens again tomorrow, we might need to plan to go without you,” he tells Rachel.
«That makes no sense,» Tobias says sharply. «We can’t go without our strongest fighter.»
“Tomorrow.” Jake can hear the tiredness in his own voice. “We’ll make a decision tomorrow.”
• Jake wakes up. He goes to school. He sits through classes, through lunch. He confirms with Marco that they’re still just meeting in Cassie’s barn for tonight.
“I can’t tonight,” Rachel says. “My mom—”
“We know.” Jake speaks more sharply than he means to. He’s just. He’s tired. It feels like he hasn’t slept in weeks.
“She’s just really busy right now,” Rachel mutters.
«Yeah, dude.» Tobias glares, or maybe he just looks Jake’s way. «Chill.»
“We go tomorrow,” Jake says. “No matter what. Tomorrow.”
Marco salutes. “Tomorrow it is!”
• Only they don’t go the following day. Jake suggests it, and the others all shout him down. It’s just one night, Rachel and Tobias keep telling him, it’s just for now. The kandrona shipment can wait one more night, Ax says. Cassie suggests they all just take a breath, take a break.
• Jake messes up. They don’t go the next day either, and this time it’s Jake’s fault; he fell asleep during what felt like the world’s most repetitive History class, and got detention.
“You doing all right?” his dad asks, picking him up after school that day.
“Yeah.” Jake stares dully out the car window. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“And...”
Jake can tell, by the change in tone, that they’ve gotten to the real reason his dad started this conversation.
“And Tom.” Steve clears his throat. “Has he seemed... off to you, lately?”
Yeah, Dad, he seems like he’s been replaced by a fucking alien, thanks for asking. Jake wants to slide off his seat and onto the floor. He wants to curl up in the footwell of the car and cry himself to sleep, right there on the spot. “I don’t know,” he says. “He seems fine to me.”
• The following day, Jake gets to the barn early. He doesn’t like going on this mission without Rachel, but there’s a difference between waiting for a day and waiting for... he doesn’t know how long. Several. It’s been forever.
“Hey.” It’s Cassie, standing in the door. “You ready to go tonight?”
“Yes.” Jake pushes to his feet. “Yes. Even if Rachel’s busy, we need to get this over with.”
Cassie frowns. “Rachel didn’t mention being busy. I know she’s had to babysit a lot lately, but she shouldn’t need to tonight.”
Jake snorts. “No kidding, she’s had to babysit a lot.”
The doors of the barn swing open. Rachel’s there, Marco trailing behind. Two raptors land in the rafters, one after the other.
“Okay,” Jake says. “I talked with Cassie, and we go ahead no matter what.”
“I can’t tonight,” Rachel says.
“Wow,” Jake mutters, “how did I know that was coming.”
Everyone stares at him.
He stares back. “No one else is getting frustrated with this?”
“My mom’s just really busy right now.” Rachel crosses her arms.
“When is she going to get un-busy?” Jake knows he sounds mean. He knows it. But it feels like they’ve been having this conversation since... Since... He doesn’t know when.
“Definitely by this weekend she’ll be fine,” Rachel says.
“Weekends.” Marco sighs, flopping his wrist against his forehead. “I remember what those were like, back in the days of yore.” He’s overdoing it, trying to break the tension.
“What...” Jake frowns, a sudden uneasiness saturating his stomach. “What day is it today?”
“It’s Thursday,” Rachel says. “So the weekend starts tomorrow. I promise, it’ll be fine.”
“Thursday.” Jake looks at his watch, not that that’s any help. “I could’ve sworn it was...” He trails off, looking into space. He’s never sure what day it is anymore. And yet, that answer doesn’t sound right — this whole thing doesn’t feel right — for some reason he can’t put his finger on.
«Let’s just go tomorrow, yeah?» Tobias says. «We can’t go without our strongest fighter.»
“Yeah,” Jake mutters. “You keep saying that.”
Still, they go home.
• Jake wakes up. He doesn’t feel rested, but at least he doesn’t remember dreaming.
“Jake?” his mom asks over breakfast. “Have you seen Tom this morning?”
Jake shakes his head, hoping that’s not a bad sign. He leaves for school.
“Remember,” Marco says, as they’re heading out. “Tonight. The usual place.”
It’s not like Jake was at any risk of forgetting. This is their third? fourth? meeting in a row.
He goes to Cassie’s barn. “I can’t tonight,” Rachel says. “My mom needs me to babysit Jordan and Sara again.”
“I thought you said she’d be free by Friday,” Jake points out.
“Yeah, and today’s Thursday.” Rachel crosses her arms.
“It can’t be Thursday, yesterday was Thursday,” Jake snaps. “We’re already at the weekend.”
“Weekends.” Marco sighs, flopping his wrist against his forehead. “I remember what those were like, back in the days of yore.”
Jake stares at Marco. His whole brain is tilting, spinning, horizon losing its contours. It’s not unease he’s feeling. It’s dread. Panic.
“Hey Ax?” Jake says, voice very small.
«Yes, Prince Jake?»
“N...” He takes a breath. “Never mind.”
• Jake wakes up. He checks the level of the Frosted Flakes. He should’ve gone through the box, and yet...
“Hey Mom,” he calls, still inside the pantry. “Did you replace these lately?”
A shadow falls over the door. Tom is blocking the opening, staring hard at Jake. “Why are you asking that?”
Jake tries for a natural smile. “Just wondering. Did Mom ever find you? She was looking for you yesterday.”
“Wait.” Tom’s eyes narrow. “What?”
The shelf impacts Jake’s lower back, which is how he knows he stepped back. “Just wanted to make sure that...”
“Jake?” his mom calls. “You said my name?”
He grabs the cereal box and runs.
When he gets to school, they’re still on integer-valued polynomials. And conjugating “tournoyer.” And Chumash-Mexican alliances. And split infinitives. And the krebs cycle.
“Remember,” Marco says, as they’re heading out. “Tonight. The usual place.”
And for the first time in his life, Jake doesn’t even bother to go.
• Jake wakes up. Jake stays in bed. He’s tired. He’s tired, and he’s starting to understand what’s happening here. If his mom asks, he’ll fake sick. But either way, fuck school.
• Staying in bed gets old fast. Jake spends an entire day actually teaching himself the one-hour lesson on polynomials. And then another day on regular conjugation of multipart verbs. And then two more, one each for the Chumash and Mexicans. And then skips another school day, because he doesn’t give a damn about infinitives, and then finally the krebs cycle.
• He hasn’t been on an Animorphs mission in...
A while. It’s been a while.
And he’s feeling fine.
• “I’m telling you, if you even tried kidnapping Spider-Man and adding him as a Robin,” Marco says over lunch, “then Aunt May would just go out, buy a shotgun, and cap Bruce Wayne’s ass.”
Jake stares at him. He’s been letting this conversation wash over him, but now... “Don’t you ever get sick of talking about this stuff?” he asks.
Marco’s face does something complicated. It takes less than a second, before his smile is back in place. It has an edge now. “It’s not like we can talk about anything real here, you absolute gravy stain,” he says through his teeth.
Jake nods. He pushes to his feet. And then he stands up on the table.
“Marco!” Jake says, and the cafeteria falls silent. “Marco Sant-Alonso Grant Dominguez, will you marry me?”
There’s laughter, and then there’s whispering, and then there’s booing.
And then there’s detention, for breaking the school’s policy against homosexual conduct.
It’s something different, anyway.
• Jake lives.
• Some days he walks out of the house before anyone else is up. He goes flying, and spends the day with Tobias and Ax. He morphs wolf, runs out to find Toby, and spends the day there instead. He attends a Sharing meeting, walking uninvited to its back room and noting as many faces as he can before they drag him back out.
• Maybe it’s not fair to everyone else, Jake thinks on some days. Maybe they deserve to live and grow. But maybe they deserve to not be at war, and maybe they’re not, not really, not while they’re in this holding pattern.
• Jake thrives.
• “Detention, young man,” Chapman says, because Jake hasn’t bothered to go to English class for quite a while now.
Jake whirls around, staring him down. “Did you just try to put my host in detention, Iniss 226?” he demands.
Chapman’s face freezes. His whole body is caught between one motion and the next, mouth hanging halfway open.
“That’s what I thought,” Jake says. And then he spins back around and walks out the door. He’s laughing by the time he reaches the sidewalk. Laughing uncontrollably, laughing with stupid little snorts mixed in. Laughing like he hasn’t since...
A while. It’s been a while.
• Jake goes joyriding in his mom’s car. Jake goes joyriding in a stolen Bug fighter. Jake’s lonely, but Jake’s been lonely for a long time.
• “My name is Jake!” he announces, the next time he feels like standing on a cafeteria table. “And I’m an Animorph!”
• Jake messes up.
“Hey Jake?” Jake’s mom says over dinner one night, the way she often does. “Cassie called a few times. She sounded worried about you.”
Jake stirs his food (he’s so so sick of stuffed cabbage), not looking up. “Don’t worry,” he tells his mom. “She’s annoyed because I’m not planning our ten thousandth attempt to bring down the Yeerk Empire. But it started to feel pointless after a while, you know?”
His dad asks if this is something to do with a video game. His mom asks if he and Cassie are dating. His brother’s face is blank, twisting into horror.
Jake throws Tom a wink, and waits for the explosion.
It never comes, to his surprise. Instead Tom stares at him in silence for the rest of dinner, not eating, not talking.
The yeerk must be — and Jake laughs aloud at the thought — planning on doing something about it tomorrow.
• Jake wakes up. He wakes up, because he can’t breathe.
There’s a hand pressed over his nose and mouth. There’s a two-hundred-pound human body pinning him to his bed. There’s a knee jammed into his diaphragm. Any one of these could account for Jake’s drowning-man struggle, clawing at Tom’s wrist as his body starves for air.
“Don’t worry.” Tom’s voice is silky-low in his ear, and Jake doesn’t care because THERE’S NO AIR. “I’m not going to kill you, you little shit. Then I’d be alone in this loop.”
He lets go, sitting back. Jake sucks in a breath so violently his whole chest arcs off the bed.
Jake sits up. They stare at each other.
Yeah, Jake fucked up.
“Hi,” Jake says at last, hoarse. “My name's Jake. You are?”
The yeerk doesn’t try anything cute, like claiming to be Tom. “Ardek 5851. Sub-Visser Two-Oh-Nine.”
Jake nods. “You’ve been in the loop... how long?”
“For me, this is the eighty-sixth time it’s been Thursday, May tenth,” Ardek 5851 says. “What about you?”
Jake has no freaking clue how many days it’s been since he noticed, and he has a nasty suspicion it took him at least a week to notice at all. He settles for shrugging.
“Fine.” Ardek sits Tom upright, cross-legged on the end of Jake’s bed. “On to the elephant in the room. You’re helping the andalite bandits. And so is Cassie Moises.”
Jake is aware that he’s the stupidest person ever to live, thanks. There’s no need to point it out.
“Well?” Ardek raises Tom’s eyebrows. “I gave you my name and rank, midget.”
“Don’t call me that,” Jake snaps. He shoves to his feet, fists clenched, chest aching. “And yeah, I’m helping them.”
Ardek snorts loudly. “Clearly they’re not helping you, or else you wouldn’t still be here. What, no Time Matrix on loan for their lowly human ally?”
Jake shrugs. He has to play this carefully. The variables have changed overnight: now his survival is likely to hinge on that of this creature. This is bad. “Maybe I like it here. Maybe I haven’t bothered telling my andalite contact, because I don't think it's worth the trouble."
Ardek squints at him. “If I didn’t know you, I’d think you were telling the truth. Since I do know you, midget, I know you’re telling the truth. Damn.” He laughs, shaking his head. “I mean, I knew you were fucked up, because Tom knows you’re fucked up. But this...” He shakes his head again.
“So. Guess we’ll go back to how it was, then.” Jake shrugs again. “You do your thing, and I’ll do mine.”
“Jake.” The name seems like a deliberate choice. “Jake, you know we can’t go on like this forever. Work with me, kid. If you don’t want out, what do you want?”
Jake lets his gaze flick to Tom’s body, and then back up to his eyes. “I think you know.”
Ardek grimaces. “Fine,” he says. “Agreed. He sucks as a host anyway. But you can’t let him go blabbing the truth after I give him back. And you let me go my own way."
"Fine."
"There’s this bod I’ve had my eye on anyway, this local cop who’s also a ranked weight-lifter. Shouldn’t be too hard to grab.”
“I wish you hadn’t told me that,” Jake murmurs.
“Hey, you get Tom, I get Officer Jenna Richards. Everyone wins.”
“Just...” Jake presses his index finger and thumb to the bridge of his nose. “Tell me what you've already tried, to end the loop."
• When they part ways, Jake doesn’t go to Ax. The part about not wanting to trouble him was true. And after their little trip to the Cretaceous, Jake is pretty sure Ax has no idea what he’s doing when it comes to sario rips. Instead, Jake finds Erek.
He doesn’t start by asking about time loops, but with “You remember when we helped you guys fix the pemalite ship?”
Erek nods, because of course Erek remembers.
“Okay,” Jake says. “So this is going to be one hell of a return favor, but...” He smiles weakly. “How do you feel about breaking the space-time continuum?”
• Jake wakes. Ardek is sitting on the end of his bed again.
“Rise and shine, little bro!” he says. “Who’s ready for some breakfast?”
Jake groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m not your brother.”
“And I’m guessing Tom got better sleep on the last-ever May ninth than you did.” Ardek grins at him. “So?”
“My contact didn’t get an answer right away. I’m supposed to come back.”
“So Prince Whoeverthefuck can start running the calculations again? From the top?” Tom’s fists are tight on the bedspread.
“Yep.” It’s Jake’s turn to grin obnoxiously at him. “So I’d better get over there, don’t you think?”
Ardek flips him off, and stalks out of the room.
• Erek starts from the top, every morning. Usually after an hour’s worth of exhausting the same suggestions he made yesterday, with Jake shooting down each one at ever-increasing speed. Erek hits a dead end, every evening. And he gives Jake something to memorize and recite back to him the following morning.
• Jake comes home to find Tom splayed out on the floor, the whole room stinking of strawberry schnapps. Ardek is vague-eyed, loll-headed.
“What are you doing?” Jake says slowly.
“Livin’...” Ardek hiccups. “Livin’ like there’s no tomorrow.”
Jake considers. And then he sits on the floor next to Tom. “Strawberry schnapps, huh?”
“Yep. Dad’s got shit taste.”
“He’s not your dad.”
“Thank god for that.” Ardek hands over the bottle.
Jake takes it. “No tomorrow, right?”
Ardek fumbles behind himself in the pantry, comes up with cooking sherry this time. “No tomorrow.” He toasts with it.
Jake sips the schnapps. Yep, even more awful than it smells. He sets the bottle on the floor, grateful when Ardek doesn’t push the issue.
“So how’s the world’s slowest war-prince doing for you?” Ardek asks.
“‘Slow’ is about it.” Jake doesn’t sip again. “Why can’t you ask any of your fellow sub-vissers for help, while we’re waiting?”
Ardek snorts. “I wish. Cooperation within the Empire isn’t...” He trails off. “It isn’t. Period.”
“Sounds like a pain.”
“Okay, so. You got Visser Three, stomping around on his itty-bitty hooves like he hung the stars and we should all be kissing his ass. You got Visser One, whose deal is...” Ardek blows a raspberry. “I don’t even know. Scary-ass lady. And you gotta pick one or the other or else your ass is grass. But you’re stuck either minioning for Visser Three, or betting everything on some alleged revolution that inn’t even going to come through ‘cause...” He hiccups again.
Jake chuckles. “Sounds like politics.”
“Y’know, every time I try to tell people my host used to live next door to Visser One’s host, they think I’m making it up?” Ardek says. “That I’m trying for, like, the position of kissass-in-chief.”
“Would you take it, if you could?” Jake asks. He takes another wincing sip.
“What, a vissership?” Ardek slurs the word, stopping to work Tom’s mouth when he’s finally got it out. “In an instant. An instant. It means being safe, being visser. It means not having to kiss up anymore. It’d mean no longer having to deal with this...” He flicks Tom’s finger against his temple, like getting rid of a bug. “And getting a nice, quiet, voluntary host instead. I’ll kiss all the ass in the world for that.”
“I guess I never thought about it that way before,” Jake says quietly.
Ardek snorts. “Like you’re not kissing the ass of some war-prince, just to be allowed to be in the war at all?”
Jake hums noncommittally. Sips again. Wonders if he should try to hide the bottles before his parents get home.
Let them ground Tom. It’s not like it matters.
• Erek makes little progress. Ardek comments on it constantly, but Jake still won’t let him come along to meet this contact.
• Jake wakes. This time, it’s because he’s been dumped out of bed and onto the floor.
“Hey.” Ardek crouches next to him, straightens up, bounces on the spot. “Hey, hey, asshole. I tried your idea, man. I tried your brilliant damn idea of, of, asking our technician about time loops.”
Jake sits up slowly. “And?”
“I died, man!” Tom’s voice rises into a screech.
Now Jake scrambles to his feet. “You died. Yesterday. Last loop. You—”
“Those utter grass-munchers reported me, said I was losing the plot, and of course they didn’t want to deal with me, we’re already over budget and understaffed, yadda yadda, so they shot me!” Ardek is still bouncing, wide-eyed, manic.
“They shot Tom,” Jake says. “And you both died.”
“Yes, you stupid human, he died too!” Ardek makes a dismissive gesture. “I’ve done the drills, we’ve all done the drills, on how to get out of the skull in an emergency, but all the blood was coming out everywhere, and all the circuits were shutting down, and the stupid host was screaming, and...” He wraps both arms around himself, shuddering.
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Jake says slowly.
Ardek punches him in the arm. “Damn straight you’re sorry. ‘Why don’t you try asking your people’s technicians?’” he says in a truly awful imitation of Jake’s voice. “‘See if they can help.’”
Jake gets a hand around Tom’s bicep. Gently pulls Ardek down to sit on the edge of the bed. Ardek curls forward, both hands pressed over his face.
“You people aren’t even worth it, you know that?” Ardek speaks through Tom’s fingers. “You don’t have blades, you fall over all the time, and pretending to be you involves wasting so much time on the most inane crap...” He lifts his head. “You know, if you’d take one tenth the time and resources and brainpower you people spend on this shit—” He plucks at his shirt hem — "and ditch the clothes, you’d be shuttling to deep space and outgunning the andalites by now.”
“Probably,” Jake says. “Why are you here, then? If we’re such a crappy species.”
“No choice,” Ardek says dully. He flops back onto Jake’s bed. “If you try to not go to whatever shitty backwater planet they assign you and recruit the locals, you end up...” He shudders again. “Like me, yesterday.”
Jake never expected to feel this much sympathy for a yeerk. Much less the one currently puppeting his brother. “You could stay,” he offers. “In the loop. Just... hold.”
Ardek rolls onto his side. “I,” he says slowly, “have not eaten—” He pokes Jake’s leg. “A single drop of kandrona. In one-hundred forty-three fucking days. I was scheduled to go first thing, the morning of May eleventh, but nooo. I haven’t talked to my friends in that long either, because I can’t exactly pick up the phone and do a check-in, now can I?”
Another angle Jake has never considered before. “Do you even... want a host at all?” he asks slowly.
“Beats being stuck in the kandrona tank twenty-four-seven,” Ardek says. “I don’t like eating that much.”
There’s something in there, something about all the yeerks feeling like there are only two choices and both suck, that... Jake has a half an idea. Less than. He has to run it by Cassie, and then...
And then have Cassie forget the whole thing, over and over again.
“Why is this happening to us?” he asks Ardek, flopping next to him on the bed. “I mean, why us?”
“Extremely localized sario rip went off in the basement,” Ardek says immediately. “Caught us both sleeping, sent us into a loop that’s spiraling slowly down until we both die. Like that... Jacob’s Ladder movie.”
Jake hums. He’s already lived that one out, in Brazil, and he’s pretty sure this isn’t it. “Wouldn’t it have collapsed when you died, then?”
“Yeah.” Ardek sighs. “For the longest time I thought it was something you andalites did to us, but that doesn’t explain why you’re here. What about you? Any thoughts?”
“Crayak.” It slips out almost before Jake means to say it.
“What’s that?”
“Cosmic being.” Jake stares at the ceiling. “Doesn’t like me. Would pull crap like this, most likely.”
“Then why am I here?” Ardek whines.
Jake doesn’t answer. And then he figures there’s no harm in answering. “I think... he wants me to make a choice. The same one he’s been pushing me toward for a long time now.”
“And that is?”
Jake rolls over enough to look Ardek in the eye. Enough to look into Tom’s eyes. “I’m working with the andalites. You’re a controller. Figure it out.”
Then he stands up, and starts getting dressed for school. One more round of infinitives won’t kill him, and if his suspicion about how to get out of the loop is correct then it beats the alternative.
• Erek works out a shorthand for himself. Jake teaches it back to him every morning, and memorizes a page of notes written in the shortened code every evening. He deserves extra credit in Algebra for this, even with his new expertise on polynomials.
• Jake’s parents keep catching him to ask about Tom. They’re worried — he’s stayed in his room all day today. All day today. All day today.
“I’m close.” Jake stands in the door of Tom’s room. Ardek is curled in a ball on his bed. “I swear, I’m getting close.”
Ardek lifts Tom’s head. His eyes are dull.
Jake has been there. Jake knows.
He shuts the door when he leaves.
• “Forget all of that,” Erek says, ten seconds after handing Jake today’s notes. “Forget all of it.” His auto-generated voice sounds excited. “How long do we have?”
“The loop resets at midnight,” Jake says.
Erek nods. He’s grinning. “We’ll be cutting it fine, but I think you can do this. Because it all fits, if you just add in the Neuguyn Equation and drop the exponential term—”
“—over lambda,” Jake finishes. “Because then it’s symmetrical, and simplifying it takes half the time.”
Erek raises his eyebrows. “Dude, how many Thursdays have you had?”
Jake shakes his head. “Neuguyn Equation. Teach it to me.”
• Jake wakes up. Jake throws himself out the window, hitting the ground hard. But he’s up, morphing to Homer even as he goes at a mad sprint for Erek’s house. Neuguyn Equation, in place of the exponent. Neuguyn Equation, in place of the exponent.
• Jake throws open his front door, three hours later. “Ardek!” he yells. “Ardek, we’ve got it!”
“Jake?” His mom’s straightening up from where she was working in the living room. “Shouldn’t you be at school? Tom’s home sick, are you also...?”
Jake ignores her. He’ll apologize tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow. “Ardek!” He pounds on Tom’s bedroom door.
Ardek yanks it open. “You have an answer?”
Jake nods. “We got it.”
Ducking back into the room, Ardek yanks on shoes and socks. “Yes, yes, yes!” He leans down the stairs. “Mom! We’re borrowing the car!”
Jake’s mom says something in response, and it doesn’t sound like an affirmative. Ardek’s already grabbing the keys.
Jake gives directions to the Kings’ house. His own heart is pounding, his fingertips tingling. Please let this work. Please.
• Erek answers the door, smiling pleasantly. “Please do not be fooled by my human morph,” he tells Ardek. “This is just a temporary means of avoiding suspicion by the neighbors.”
Ardek takes this with a nod.
“You’re ready?” Erek asks Jake.
Jake takes a breath, and rattles off the math. It’s a ten-minute process.
Erek nods. Then he reaches out, grabbing Tom by the wrist. “I need you to stay here, as you risk getting hurt if you stand too close to the collapse when Jake sets it off.”
“Yeah, okay,” Ardek says. “Fine with me.”
Jake walks over to the sphere of what looks like ball lightning, floating in the middle of the Kings’ living room. It’s hard even to look at, eating light and energy from the world around it.
He grabs the first of the metal rods from the floor, and plunges it into the current. The power jolts up his arm, throwing off the rhythm of his heart, making his hair stand on end. He grabs the other rod, closing the circuit.
He shifts them apart, then brings them together, building up the flow. Does it again. Does it again. His body is burning, stuttering. He’s falling apart.
There’s a pop of displaced air, and the world goes into reverse.
The sun plunges down to the east, the sky going dark. Ghostly shapes, echoes of past possibilities, shoot past in reverse. Jake feels those universes collapsing into his chest, thousands of possibilities yanked back into his body in a single brain-exploding instant. The air sucks out of the room, drops back in. Shutting his eyes does nothing to help, because he can still feel those branches being pulled back into him.
And then it’s done. He’s standing in the living room, the ball lightning absent, just Erek and Ardek and Tom.
“Did it work?” Ardek asks.
Erek frowns. “Did what work?”
Jake’s head snaps around. “Emergency override: six. I’m sorry, friend, but we cannot play today. You require maintenance.”
The pemalite code, despite being translated, despite not having been spoken in forty thousand years, works perfectly. Erek goes blank and dead, hologram shutting off entirely, body freezing in position.
“Uh.” Ardek tries to yank Tom’s wrist away, makes no progress at all against that relentless thousand-pound grip. “What the hell?”
“Mr. King’s in the other room,” Jake says levelly. “He’ll get you food and water, and he’ll make sure Tom doesn’t die. But he can’t hurt Erek, or Tom, trying to get you loose. And he doesn’t have any kandrona.”
Jake doesn’t know if the math suddenly fitting helped him to make a decision, or if it suddenly fit because he finally decided. But he does know that one thing is always true about Crayak’s traps: that the Ellimist is very good at leaving the Animorphs a third way out.
“Please,” Ardek is begging. He’s yanking harder now, but Erek doesn’t move. Can’t move, until Jake turns him back on. “Please, please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” he screams, in Tom’s voice. Straining Tom’s throat.
“I know,” Jake says. And then he walks out the front door.
It’s Thursday. It’s Thursday, but he’s pretty sure tomorrow will be Friday.
• Jake wakes up. He wakes because his mom is shaking him. “Honey, we need your help.” She sounds frantic. This is new.
“What day is it?” Jake asks.
“Friday,” she says dismissively, not noticing his sharp inhale. “Honey, nobody’s seen Tom since yesterday morning, your dad and I have called everyone we know, and —”
Jake rolls out of bed. “I’ll go looking for him. I know which friend he might be with.”
His mom rushes out of the room. It’s Friday. It’s Friday.
• When he gets to Erek’s place, Tom is slumped against Erek’s unmoving legs. His wrist is swollen black within Erek’s grip. Ardek lies dead on the floor. It’s Friday.
• The cops knock on Jake’s front door, less than an hour after they get home. This, even though Jake’s mom called to cancel the missing-persons report 30 minutes ago.
Tom answers, right arm tucked into the pocket of his coat. Tom tells the officers, his voice hoarse and ragged, that it was just a stupid bender and that he’s very sorry for going out drinking underage. Tom assures them both it won’t happen again. Tom sees them on their way.
Jake shuts the door, locks it. “Those were...”
“Controllers, yeah.” Tom coughs, winces. Ardek must have screamed all night. “And they’ll be back within the hour.”
Jake nods. “Pack your stuff, then. We’re running.” He knew this might happen. He knew.
“They’re going to find us,” Tom rasps.
“Only way out was through.” Jake thinks. He hopes. “Don’t know about you, but I was getting pretty sick of Thursdays.”
Tom nods. “Should contact your war-prince first, though.”
“Yeah,” Jake says. “About that.”
@pleuvoire

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What vexes all men?
The sea?
Sums?
The dichotomy of good and evil?
"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now
#STOP SAYING 'PLATONIC' WHEN YOU MEAN 'CASUAL'#RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE PLATONIC AND ABSOLUTELY DERANGED