beverly wan

Bev pondered for a bit. “Oh, sleep was pretty good. I mean, sometimes when you're like really hungry there’s a certain, achy feeling that makes it hard to pass out and sleeping on my jacket is only so comfortable, but, like considering, I slept pretty good.”

How would you describe your appetite over the past 5 weeks? Have your eating habits changed in any way? What was it like before you were on the island?

Bev had been waiting to bring this up because she was sure the people who actually delivered food to her were sick of hearing about it. “Uh, well past 5 weeks the options were pretty limited like including now.” She let that sink in to the nurse for a moment before continuing. “I’ve been like blessed foodwise. My dad’s a chef, and he has a restaurant so we eat quite well. I miss him and his cooking sooo bad.” She gave a slight chuckle, even if the fact that she didn’t even know what her dad was doing right now, if he was ok, if he thought she was. “On the island it was a bit different because we like,didn’t have a lot of options. I think we did like, fucking amazing considering so jot that down.”

Wellbeing

Prior to the island, could you tell me about any times over the past few months that you’ve been bothered by low feelings, stress, or sadness?

“Uh, I dunno,” Bev said as she thought of the best answer to give. “Homesickness made me sad, is that what you mean? Like, seeing Jill and Odessa die was really depressing, the whole are we gonna die thing got like, super old and I think wore me out, oh wait, did you ask before the island?” Bev pondered, she could talk about her mom and the amount of anger that brought her that she was sure some therapist would tell her is actually something lame like sadness or fear. “I was like really fucking happy, and I think it’s super fucked that got interrupted by this whole plane thingy.”

How frequently have you had little pleasure or interest in the activities you usually enjoy? Would you tell me more?

“No I love doing things. I’m on the dance team and it’s the best, especially with the changes i’ve made to the squad. I work at my dad’s restaurant and that’s like, really hard but it makes him proud and I like food so, I enjoy that too. I dunno, I don’t think I’m like, depressed if that’s what you mean.

Autonomy, Choice, and Control

How often during the past few months have you felt as though your moods, or your life, were under your control?

“I’m gonna be honest, and like, babe you might not like this, but asking me if i’ve felt things were under my control but you won’t even call my dad is not a cute look. I feel in control, until some random ass put me on a plane for some fucked up shit and then I almost died, so I don’t know, jot that down.” Bev knew her answer was a lot bitchier than she actually felt but it seemed super hypocritical.

How frequently have you been bothered by not being able to stop worrying?

“I don’t think I get that? Like, I worry but worrying only does so much and i’m like, all about action. Not in a perv way.”

Self-Perception

Tell me about how confident you have been feeling in your capabilities recently.

“Capabilities in what? Like, I’m pretty confident across the board so you’ll need to be more specific. I think I realized i’m a kickass swimmer, which I actually like knew but it was nice to show off.” Maybe getting the black box hadn’t gotten her the praise she wanted but this person didn’t know that.

Let’s talk about how often you have felt satisfied with yourself over the past few months.

“Very often, I’m like, a delight and I do well at things and I try hard so like, why wouldn’t I be?”

Hope and Hopelessness

  How often over the past few weeks have you felt the future was bleak?

“I guess like, when people got hurt or worse, that felt really bleak. Like, I know I just said i’m like, a delight which is true but as a group, there was so much like, knowledge sharing and shit but when it like, didn’t help or wasn’t enough, that was fucking bleak.

Can you tell me about your hopes and dreams for the future? What feelings have you had recently about working toward those goals?

“Uh, I don’t know like, I wanna see my nephews become really chill, I wanna help my dad with his restaurant, I want to dance more, get myself a hot spouse whose funny, I was sort of in like, college or nah, type of mindset when this whole island thing started. I think I just, don’t want to be without my family anymore.” She hates that she’s tearing up on this question but she can’t help it. “I just want to be with people I love, who love me back and to have pillows.”

Relationships and Belonging

Describe how ‘supported’ you feel by others around you – your friends, family, or otherwise.

“Uh, very which again, is why it’s fucked up I can’t call my dad. I don’t know, I have friends, some people don’t like me but I’m useful so that only goes so far. I have a lot of friends.” Bev responded, feeling a little more like having that argument the longer she was kept there.

What is it different on the island? Did you feel more or less supported?

“Uh, I don’t know.” She felt quite unpopular on the island, even widely detested but she still missed them, even those that hated her. “I’m not for everyone but, like I said. I’m useful, I was part of the team that got the black box and I was so sore and like, maybe a couple people cared but otherwise it was like, or like, it felt like, oh Bev did it? Nevermind then, you know?” She didn’t feel right sitting with that. “Also though, little self-centered of me I guess, hearing the black box was fucked up. Huge bummer. Not really a time for pats on the back. I’m proud of me, and I helped and that makes me happy. I had friends on the island, I had my journal to vent in for most of it, I had support.”

Let’s discuss how you have been feeling about your relationships recently. Did you make any significant relationships on the island? How do you feel about them?

“Um,” Maybe if she felt better, she would’ve divulged her crush on Jude, how cool and funny Jude was and how much she enjoyed their brand of chaos. Bev remembered Jude scolding her for giving Harker so much info when she appeared, so she didn’t. She wanted to talk about Alexa and how much she felt like they had in common, or Divya who she didn’t feel much in common with but whose disposition was impossible to resist. “I miss my friends.”

Activity

Tell me about any important activities or projects that you’ve been involved with recently. How much enjoyment do you get from these?

Bev tapped her finger on her chin and considered. “Uh, at home i’m on dance squad, that’s really fun, good way to stay in shape but also be creative and it’s like a team thing so lots of socialising there. Plus i’m much less likely to break my nose than like, volleyball or whatever.”

Were you particularly involved with activities on the island? Did you want to be?

“Yeah! Like, I always tried to help, I helped get the black box, we had like, rotating chores so I always did those, sometimes we’d like, chat and stuff, sort of talking games? I loved those, even though they never ended as we thought they would. It was like a sleepover and if you squinted..like a lot of squinting, it felt like a camp or something.”

How frequently have you been doing things that mean something to you or your life?