white winged dove.

ERIN WALSH ( SARAH PIDGEON ) is an EIGHTEEN year old from STOCKTON, CA. SHE is known around the island as THE WALLFLOWER because she is EMPATHETIC and INTELLIGENT but can also be MEEK and AWKWARD. SHE reminds of a reliable canvas tote, specifically crosley record players, sticky notes in all her favourite books. [ S, 23, AEST ]

-

Joss had gotten into the habit of relying on Erin as of late, something she had to remind herself not to do, lest she find herself inevitably disappointed if Erin ever got sick of her or found a better suited friend to dote on. It didn’t however, stop her from naturally drifting toward Erin, the moment the other girl appeared and spoke, “Cheers,” she mused warmly, following Erin’s lead as she sat down in front of her. 

She couldn’t help but chuckle at Erin’s anecdote, particularly at how familiar it felt, “Yep, snap, I used to have hair brushing privileges, braiding and then later the benefit of making Jess a coffee or a tea every time I left my bedroom,” she would give anything to be at home with her sibling now, even if it meant having to trudge downstairs to put the kettle on for her. She had taken so much for granted. “I can’t do it on my bloody self though, never have been able to- it’s like, I’m so shit at tanning my back too but Jess never had any trouble with it,” she didn’t think Erin had much experience with fake tan, admittedly but maybe she would still understand. She wondered if Erin was the more capable of the Walsh sisters, it was hard to imagine that she wasn’t. Maybe Erin’s sister was the Joss of their family and Erin was the Jess instead.

-

Though her hands weren’t dirty (she’d specifically made sure they were clean to handle the first aid kit in such detail), Erin made sure to wipe her hands off on her shorts before she reached for Joss’ hair. Fingers delicately gliding through the blonde locks to make sure it was mostly detangled before she started any braiding. “ Wow, lucky you, the privilege, ” Erin replied with playful sarcasm. She thought Zoe would have done the same, if only Zoe didn’t hate the way Erin made coffee. Even though Erin was adamant they made it the same way, only Erin made sure not to burn her coffee grounds. “ I think maybe older sisters are just like that. Zoe has never needed me for anything, she just likes getting me to do things she could do but doesn’t want to. ” She spoke with amusement but admittedly she was thinking about a rather dark time she had needed Zoe. How all their bullshit had dropped for Zoe to try and comfort her until their parents got to San Francisco. “ But then, like, so much that I know how to do it’s oh, Zoe taught me, you know? ” She continued as she drew a line down the middle of Joss’ head with her finger, splitting her hair evenly, pushing one side over her shoulder while she took the other into both hands. 

x

Without meaning to or thinking about it, Lex crosses her arms reflecting the posture Erin had assumed. Except hers was less of a ‘keep away’ gesture and more in line of providing self-comfort, an embrace. She could feel her heart racing with every passing moment, and every word. “Yeah, yeah you’re right…” she would have added a little sorry to it too, if she wasn’t certain people had been tired of hearing those words. – As Erin continued to speak of her ankle, in a very factual manner, Alexa took it as a sign. She had been right all along, there wasn’t really a way to go back and to fix the pain she had caused by what she had said. At the same time, maybe things did not need to get fixed, maybe best she could do and give and provide, was as a simple apology. 

She takes in a deep breath at the question. Why did you call me over? – It was very simple, she wanted to see what the ‘vibes’ were like, and the vibes were definitely not in her favour. Still, in spite of wanting more than anything to explain herself and justify herself, she didn’t. She didn’t walk off either though, nah, that would have been rude and very much uncalled for. She looked up at Erin, finally after days of avoiding the eye contact, and decided to keep it simple, but true. “I wanted to apologise to you Erin. I should have done so sooner and – I’m sorry. I’m sorry for things I said back in the woods, I’m sorry for the way I acted afterwards, I’m just…” she bites her lip, taking a moment to breathe away the knot in her throat. “I didn’t have the right words, and I still don’t but – I realise now that I can’t control what you do, or anyone else, I can’t make you forgive me and there’s nothing I can say to make that happen if it’s not something you want to do. But I do want you to know that, I truly am sorry. And you don’t need to accept that, but it is true, and….I am sorry.”

-

There it was. Though she was expecting it, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed that she was right. Her hand clutching at the fabric of her shirt, hidden underneath her folded arms. A self soothing of sorts as she listened to an apology she had absolutely had no desire to hear. Her lips pressed together as she debated just walking away for a moment. She’d never done that before, not in the middle of an apology. She’d wanted to, many, many times. But she’d always heard them out. She’d always followed the belief that people deserved to be heard out. But right now, in this moment, she was wondering if she deserved having to hear it. If she deserved having the weight of an apology on her shoulders. The pressure to forgive, or else she looked like a bitter asshole. But she stayed there and heard it never the less.

“ Then prove it. ” She says, uncharacteristically cold in her delivery as it held back frustration and upset. “ If you’re so sorry, prove it. ” That’s what all these apologies she’d received were missing. Any actual change from the person apologising, it was all just about being forgiven. But Erin thought that forgiveness became as meaningless as apologies when it was handed out over and over again with no change. “ I’m so tired of people putting it on me to make them feel better about how they’ve treated me. ” She said, “ You can be as sorry as you want, I don’t care, it doesn’t mean anything unless you learn from it and change your behaviour. Think about things you say before you say them, think about other people– ” at all, she wanted to say but she cut herself off with frustration, lips pressing together again. Frustration at herself, mainly, for just not being able to express exactly what she meant. Frustration at Lex that she had to explain it at all. “ Whatever. ” She said instead. She didn’t have it in her to explain remorse. She was tired. She was exhausted. This was literally the last conversation she wanted to have right now. She took the couple of steps back, grabbing first aid kit from where she had left it. Digging out the pack of ibuprofen, punching out two pills as she walked towards Lex. “ Here. ” She said, holding hand out for Lex to take them. It wasn’t a kind move, it was just doing what had to be done. Once Lex had them, she turned again, leaving her alone to hopefully think on what little Erin had said in response.

-

Team Edward. Not to be dramatic but it felt like someone just drove a wooden stake into her. Divya put a hand over her chest dramatically. “Ugh, breaking my heart with that, Ren,” she said in jest, making a pained face before she let out a bit of a laugh. “Fairs though. Robert Pattinson is right fit and I suppose if Edward has his face then I can see the appeal.” Edward’s personally left much to be desired though. A smile remained on Divya’s face as she processed this new side of Erin. A romantic. Lover of unions powerful and doomed. “Gosh, you must love Shakespeare,” Divya said, smiling wide as she looked at Erin. It was nice to get to know the other girl in this way though. To be silly, to act their age and talk about things people their age cared about and not how much food they had left to ration with or what chores that still needed to be done. The quirk of Erin’s brow made Divya giggle before she gave an answer. “Well, if it wasn’t obvious with my reaction to you being Team Edward, I’m Team Jacob.” Her head started to bob knowingly. “I know, I know. But I will say I don’t approve of his behavior post wolfing. He just became so problematic. Kissing Bella out of the blue was not on and I’d really wished her punch had more of an effect on him.” Eclipse was a tough one for a Team Jacob girlie. “I just really like that they were friends first, you know? That he was there for her when she felt really out of sorts. They had good bants, built those bikes together…”

-

Divya’s words easily amused Erin, hiding smile behind a playful pout. “ I’m sorry, ” She whined, cutting herself with a small giggle. The fact that looks were such a part of it for the other was no surprise. Maxxy and Krista included that in their reasoning too. Edward wasn’t as hot. But if that was the game they were playing, Erin would argue, they both lost out to the Cullen ladies tenfold. Just because they were taken didn’t mean jack to Erin. Brows lifted in surprise as Divya so accurately read her. “ I do! ” She said initially, enthusiasm for the topic clear. “ I do, a lot. Romeo and Juliet is, like, my favourite story of all time. ” She expressed, moving her hands with her words as she settled into this conversation. A lot more comfortable than the one moments before. “ And 10 Things I Hate About You– have you seen that? That’s based on a Shakespeare play too, Taming of the Shrew. But it’s one of my favourite movies. ” Sure, the Taming of the Shrew wasn’t a romance technically, but neither was Romeo and Juliet. That was a tragedy. But that was a whole other thing Erin could ramble about. 

Playfully Erin sucked her teeth and shook her head in faux disappointment, but a smile returned to her features pretty much immediately. “ No, I get it. I totally get it. It’s, like, a friends to lovers thing, ” She assured the other, even if she suspected it was more to do with Jacob not wearing a wig after the first movie. “ Which can be so nice. The whole, knowing each other, supporting each other before it even gets to anything else– I get it. ” She paused momentarily, a ‘but’ hanging in the air before she even said it. “ But, ” She smiled a little, “ I just don’t know if he’s all that good of a friend, even with the bikes and stuff, if part of his motivation was wanting Bella to pick him over Edward. ” She said, nose crinkling a little as she offered the argument. ‘Part’ was being kind. It was, like, all of his motivation, right? She reached out to Divya’s arm, touching it lightly, “ But I support you still, completely. I won’t let this ruin our friendship. ” She assured in jest, wide smile spreading easily once again her lips. 

-

Of course. Divya felt relief course through her body. So Erin and Joss didn’t leave because they disliked the Eves for the opinions they held. They left for their own reasons, just as Divya had thought. As Erin went on to explain that it wasn’t an easy decision that neither she or Joss wanted to make, Divya merely nodded. It sounded like something she’s heard before. From her parents. Or her brother. Some decision they had no choice but to make regardless of how unpopular it might have been. It was divisive but brave, and part of Divya envied it – the ability to make that kind of choice. She tended to do what made others happy. She didn’t like that about herself. “Just something you had to do then,” she said, for the moment content to leave it at that as she looked to the distance. Of course she wanted to know why they felt they had to, what it was about the boys that made she and Joss feel they had no choice but to leave. But right now didn’t feel like the time or place. 

“Well, I was thinking vampire lore. Because of how vampire skin looks in the sunlight and all that.” She pointed upwards to where the sun was peaking in through the trees. “But... I do feel like it’s important to figure out where we stand on one very crucial matter first.” The thing that divided countless of fans of the multi-million dollar franchise: the Team Edward vs Team Jacob of it all. “So…” She looked to Erin then, a bit nervous about what she was about to ask. “What team are you?”

-

Just something you had to do then. Sure. Erin thought. Maybe that was it. Maybe that’s why she struggled so much to explain it. Because it had to be done. She didn’t want it, but she hadn’t had another choice. Joss hadn’t had another choice. But she also felt they’d been dealt a shitty hand. That their decision had been forced by a lack of empathy and understanding in a desperate and unpredictable situation. It didn’t matter, she supposed. Her bitterness wasn’t at Divya. Not even a fraction of her bitterness was directed her way. So she simply nodded in agreement. Something they had to do. 

She followed her point upwards, squinting a little at the sunlight poking through canopy layer of the jungle. Before she looked back down to Divya, pressing her lips together so she didn’t chuckle in face of the dramatics. It was nice– like, beyond nice to just feel stupid and silly with someone that wasn’t Joss again. To not feel the weight on her shoulders of responsibility. She let the suspense build for a moment, before she answered. “ Team Edward. ” Though she had read a lot of Alice Cullen fanfiction back in the day, her loyalties between the main love triangle remained with the Cullens. “ I’m such a sucker for that whole love at first sight, destined to be together, almost tragic romance thing. Team Edward from day dot. ” She explained herself a little further, smile resting easily on her features. The was more to it, of course, she’d had the debate with her friends back home many times. Most of whom leaned more Jacob favourable– upsettingly. “ What team are you? ” She asked with teasingly quirked brow, repeating the question back to her.

Joss was combing her fingers through her hair mindlessly, in an effort, albeit mostly in vain, to tame it so that she might be able to pull it into somewhat of a neat bun and away from her face and neck. She didn’t like the humidity in the jungle, she felt like she was sweating more now than she had on the beach or even in the cave and she just felt sticky. Always sticky. 

“What the fuck?” she said out loud as her fingers snagged on a knot in her long hair and pulled out a clump of strands as she pulled them away. She stared at the hair for a moment or so before shaking it off of her hand and letting it fall to the ground, “Great,” she chimed, “My roots are showing, my skin is falling off, I’ve got a break out on my chin and now I’m going fucking bald- next my bloody teeth are going to fall out,” she whined, frustrated with the week’s events and the unpleasantness of their new camp’s locations. “I’m so over this,” she muttered to herself. 

She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself and moved closer to the center of camp then, 

“Can somebody braid my hair please?”

-

Now that the few journals they’d managed to save were dry, Erin had unpacked the entirety of the first aid kit– or what remained of it, out on a t shirt. Making note of everything, exactly what they had left, ignoring dried blood stains where things couldn’t simply be wiped clean. Which was admittedly most of the blood stains. But it was fine. She was fine. Or at least, if she thought that enough times over, surely it would be true, right? She packed it all up again once she was done, setting aside shirt to be washed later or tomorrow. Whenever, she supposed. 

When Joss spoke, she looked up, setting aside now folded shirt to her side. She didn’t speak immediately. She hated that she felt like everyone watched her and Joss every time they spoke to one another. But whether it was real or not, Joss was still her friend. And if (almost) anyone else had asked, she would offer too. “ Yeah, I can, ” She called out, friendly smile planted on her face as she set now repacked first aid kit on top of the shirt at her side. “ Come take a seat, ” She invited, adjusting her seat a little and patting the ground in front of her. “ My sister trained me to braid her hair, like, as soon as I could hold things, I think. I’m basically a pro now. ” She said like it was some kind of brag. It was certainly something she was a little proud of.

-

Divya was confused as to why Erin was thanking her. It felt like such an odd thing to be thanked for. She hadn’t said it to be thanked, and as Erin went on, she thought she surely hadn’t said anything because she felt she had to say them. She wanted to say it. Because she wanted to believe it. That things between the Eves would sort themselves out and they’d all be one big happy unit sooner than later. It was very naïve but Divya wasn’t great at being a pessimist. Her heart naturally longed for the brighter side of things, the rainbow after the storm. 

People are gonna feel what they feel. And, I mean, we did, like, leave so… Divya’s face twisted in thought as she tried to articulate what was in her head. “Yeah, but…” She had an analogy and she wasn’t sure if it was any good, but it was the best she had at the moment so she was going for it. “–it’s like being at the dinner table, yeah, where the conversation’s really flowing and everyone’s having a laugh, and then you leave because you really have to go to the loo. And then people being upset that the conversation didn’t flow as good because you had to wee.” She frowned, upset with herself for not being able to express herself better. Divya tried again. “Like yes, everyone’s entitled to the way they feel but also, it’s a bit unfair to be so hard on you two when you left for your own reasons…” A beat. “Right?” It was less of a question and more of something for Erin to clarify. Divya was assuming that anyway. She was hoping that rather. That Erin and Joss left because of what they felt regarding the boys and not because they disliked the Eves for the opinions they held.

We don’t have to talk about it. There’s better things to talk about. Divya nodded her head, taking the hint that she should stop there before this supposedly fun adventure took a turn for the worst. “Okay…” Divya said, happy to move on if Erin was. “I think we should talk about…” She looked around for inspiration. It was only when she looked up, seeing the sunlight coming in from the spaces of the trees above, that an idea came to her. “Edward Cullen,” she decided. It was a bit ridiculous to take such a sharp turn into another topic of discussion but Divya felt as though she toed the line far enough and didn’t want to make Erin uncomfortable ( or any more uncomfortable if she had already ), especially since Erin offered to entertain Divya’s silly idea of following the waterfall.

-

Erin tried to listen to Divya’s analogy, dinner party and loo and all. But it’s difficult. Because yeah, it was sort of like that, she supposed. But what happened if she agreed out loud? If she agreed that she thought that people were being harsh, and not even bothering to be concerned why she might so desperately need to go to the bathroom in the middle of a lovely dinner party. Not even bothering to ask. But she didn’t feel like she could say it. Not because she didn’t trust Divya, but because she wasn’t sure how long she could convince herself she could stay if she started saying the things she was thinking. The things she was feeling. But then a question was directed at her, and she couldn’t just not answer. “ Of course. ” She said at first, the internal debate of whether to say more or not lasting a moment in her mind before she continued. “ It wasn’t an easy decision, like I know some of the others think it must’ve been or whatever. But it wasn’t one I, like, wanted to make. Joss neither. ” Her words came out a little awkward, somewhere between defending and explaining herself. She didn’t think Divya was holding it against her, but maybe Divya was just a people pleaser. She and Joss had never talked about it, but Erin knew it wasn’t an easy decision for Joss either. Just by looking at her, getting to know her, starting to understand her. She just knew. The same way she knew it wasn’t an easy decision to come back. It wasn’t an easy decision to stay. None of it was easy for either of them. But there was that small solace in knowing the other would understand it. For that, Erin was grateful. 

Unintentionally, her stance was a little defensive. Well, not even a little, it was completely defensive. After she was done scratching at her collar her arms folded over her stomach as she walked. Shoulders angling inward, posture that would give her father a migrane just looking at it. Making herself small as if it would help. As if it had ever helped. But then out came Divya’s topic suggestion and it completely loosened her up. Brows raising in surprise and unable to stop the chuckle that escaped her. Smile remaining on her features after the laugh. “ O-kay, ” She said at first, dragging the word out and trying not to laugh again. “ Yeah, okay. Edward Cullen. ” She nodded, pressing lips together in attempt to hide the smile. “ In what, like, regard? ” She asked, smile reappearing quickly because that made it sound so much more serious than it was. “ Like, are we talking teams, ” Meaning, of course, Team Edward vs Team Jacob, “ or, like, the vampire lore or ...? ”

-

Listening to Erin, Divya couldn’t help but quirk a brow at something she’d said. If she’d been rather exhausted, why had she only slept a little? Bit odd wasn’t it? But rather than press, Divya simply listened on until a natural pause came for her to ask a question. “Home is…” She thought back, trying to remember to the introductions on the plane. “…California for you, right? Stockford?” She wasn’t sure on that one. “Are there a lot of places to camp there? I always think of beaches whenever I think of California. Because of L.A. and Malibu and all that.” What was shown in movies or music videos. She didn’t know all that much about America to be honest. Though news of their politics usually found their way to Divya one way or another, be it through an example given in school or her parents just going on about it. “More than I thought I’d get to be honest,” she shared with a soft chuckle. “If I wasn’t so tired from all of the moving we had to do yesterday, I probably wouldn’t have slept at all. Everything’s just so different out here.” A beat and then, “Thank you by the way.” She looked at Erin then as they made their way along. “For being so on it yesterday with the tide. I don’t think we would’ve saved as much as we had if you weren’t there.” It was true. Had Erin not come in and alert the group when she had, who knew what would’ve happened? Honestly, there was more Divya wanted to say to Erin but she was nervous. Very hesitant to bring up her and Joss’s stint away from the group in fear that it might shift the mood in a way they couldn’t come back from. But walking around it, like it hadn’t happened at all, was almost just as bad Divya thought. Too many people in her life have avoided talking about important things all of the time when she was growing up. It didn’t make her feel good. She didn’t want the way she felt back then to be the way she felt here too since being marooned out here was bad enough. So Divya made an effort to try and be different, to go against something that was so normalised to her. “I’m really glad you’re back,” she said, feeling her heart race at the words. “I don’t know much of the details or anything,” like why exactly the boys made Erin and Joss want to leave or what Shane had said to get her and Joss to return, “but it was really nice to wake up today and see you and Joss around.” To have everyone together. To know relatively that everyone was safe. “I know things around camp aren’t… the easiest right now,” what with some of the tension and everything and Shane and Joss’s fight, “but I’m hopeful it’ll sort itself out. It’s just a lot of changes so quick, you know? People need time to catch up is all I think.” God, was that too much? Divya hoped it wasn’t.

-

“ Mmhmm, Stockton, but yeah ” Erin hummed, nodding her head with enthusiasm. It completely floored and touched her that Divya remembered the town she was from. Or almost did. California was easy, she had that accent. That way of speaking. And she probably also mentioned it more than she realised. But the town? That was a little special. Warming her heart with ease. “ Yeah, Stockton’s a little more inland than all those. And more north too. It’s right in between San Fransisco and Yosemite National Park, so like, lots of camping spots around. ” She explained, using her hands to display San Fransisco and Yosemite. As if that would help someone not from California, or even America, picture her home. She smiled softly, pleasantly at the news that Divya had still gotten some sleep. “ Yeah, big day, huh. But I’m glad you managed to get some sleep because of it. ”

Smile faltered, however. Shrinking down as Divya continued. “ Oh, no, it’s cool. No need to thank me, anyone else would have done the same. ” She said, waving her hand a little. Not ungrateful for the thanks but dismissive of the notion she needed to be thanked at all. She had indeed sprung to action, but she didn’t want to be the fixer again. The person the group looked to. The semi-leader that she was before. She wasn’t anticipating what Divya said next, and she almost felt emotional hearing it. Well, not almost. She did feel emotional hearing it, but she hoped it didn’t show. Because that was a little pathetic. That the simple words ‘I’m really glad you’re back,’ would be so touching that she’d feel her chest tighten immediately. But (and don’t sue me, sam writing this, if im wrong) Divya was the first to say something of that nature to her since her return. She looked at the ground, feeling her stomach tighten next as she continued. People need time to catch up is all I think. Erin didn’t even have a similar look on it. She thought people were plenty caught up. Or at least certainly felt they were. “ Um, thank you, ” She started with. Because even though the words came out awkwardly, thanking Divya felt important. Because the things she said were kind and the reasons she was saying them was because she was kind. And Erin was grateful for that. “ But yeah, you don’t, like, have to say that. ” She said, looking to Divya briefly as she assured her. “ It’s okay. People are gonna feel what they feel. And, I mean, we did, like, leave so ... ” She trailed off, lifting hand as she looked away to scratch lightly at her collar. Not even sure where she intended on going with that, it had just felt like the palatable thing to say. People could feel what they felt, because it seemed it didn’t matter if Erin was hurt by it. As long as Erin came back and just kept helping the group when they needed it and kept her head down at all other times. Then she could be forgiven for leaving. What a load of shit. “ We don’t have to talk about it. There’s better things to talk about. ”

-

An adventure! A fun deviation from what Divya thought her day would be. One with Erin no less. Divya had missed her. It was going to be so nice to spend this time together, she thought. To get familiar again after the other girl had been gone for a brief time. She looked up from where she was going when Erin addressed her. “New camp spot? S’alright, yeah.” It was obvious Divya wasn’t too keen on it. But it’s only been a day. She was still adjusting. “I like that it’s close to the waterfall so it’s easier to do things but the ground here it’s…” Her mouth tugged awkwardly at a side, making a face. “–not the best.” Then again it was early days. She was just more used to sand or the cave’s floor. “I was so scared something was going to crawl into my ears at night,” she admitted with a chuckle, part in jest and part in truth. “What about you? How d’you feel about it?” About being back? Divya almost wanted to ask but thankfully kept those words in her mouth. Instead, she tried to go about it a bit more subtly. “Did you, um, sleep well?” Already, that felt like too much to Divya so she added another question, hoping to make it as though she really as curious about Erin’s comfort regarding the new location and not the group. “Or– or was the noise a lot? The sounds are different out here.”

-

Erin hummed softly in agreement, a small nod of her head as Divya spoke. Yeah, being near the waterfall was nice. It was useful. Until she remembered that the other group knew where it was– or so she assumed, it’s not like anyone was talking about the other group given ... everything. She looked over at her companion when she voiced it not being the best, joining her in soft chuckle at the mention of bugs in ears. “ Well, the good news is, the waterfall’s nice and close if we have to flush any bugs out of ears. ” She said, a joke she wasn’t sure landed even with her smile. So she followed up after just a second, “ I’m kidding. I don’t think it’s as common as people think, the whole bugs in ears while you sleep thing. ” Her dad had choked on a fly once, but he’d been wide awake for that. Her brows lifted briefly. “ Me? Oh, yeah, um– ” It was a force of habit to be shocked when people asked about her. She had been getting better at it, but she was only human. “ I don’t mind it, I guess. ” She offered with a relatively non-committal shrug. When she was out here with Joss, she had slept fairly well. In short shifts, but with someone she trusted. Or maybe it just felt like really good sleep after a couple nights without. She nodded when asked if she slept okay, touched a little by the question. “ Yeah, I got a little. I was pretty exhausted. ” If she was pretty exhausted why had she only gotten a little? “ I camp a bit at home so the noise is sort of familiar. In a way. ” Well– Yosemite had different birds and different animals and even the trees sounded different when they moved in the wind– “ More familiar than the beach, at least. ” She corrected herself with a light, amused tone. “ What about you? ” She asked, “ Did you get much shut eye in between being worried about bugs? ”

-

Divya was relieved Erin seemed to go along with her joke and didn’t find it totally stupid. Her attempts at being humorous didn’t always land. At taller girl’s question, Divya tried to recall if she was doing anything at all before the waterfall stole her attention but the answer eluded her. “Err, not much at all I don’t think,” she admitted. She’d gone about the tasks she could do. Attempting more with her limited skill set would probably hurt the group more than help it. So when Erin offered to ‘try and chase the waterfall’, Divya’s eyes lit up. “Really? You’re not doing anything?” She asked. Part of her couldn’t believe Erin wanted to spend her day doing such a silly thing but she was happy regardless that she offered to entertain Divya’s idea. “I would very much like to see if it does. Let’s do it, yeah.”

-

Erin shook her head, corners of her lips starting to pull into a small grin as she did. “ Nope, not doing anything. ” She confirmed, popping the p in nope. And though she wasn’t about to admit it, she was sort of desperate for something to do. The idea of sitting around the new camp, twiddling her thumbs and thinking about what everyone else was thinking about her or saying behind her back would drive her literally crazy. She smiled easily, clapping her hands once in front of her chest and pressing them together. “ Awesome, let’s do it. ” She said before she started moving, back out away from the waterfall so they could walk to the top without the risk of falling off a rocky ledge. She can’t stand the quiet for longer than a moment, it was sort of absurd how quickly her brain wanted to run to the negative as of late. But just because she thought it was absurd didn’t mean she could stop it. “ How do you feel about the new camp spot? ” She asked, looking over her shoulder back at Divya.

-

Of all of the things Erin could have said, Divya didn’t expect that. It made her laugh a little, clearly amused by the idea of ‘try and follow the waterfall’ becoming the next ‘keep on and carry on’. “Always thought we shouldn’t go chasing them and stick to the rivers and lakes we’re used to but you make it sound so good.” She chuckled. When Erin revealed what she knew on the matter, Divya nodded her head. Me and Joss. For Divya, it was easy to forget there was a period of time when Erin and Joss weren’t at camp. She had forgiven and forgotten the whole matter so swiftly upon their return but she knew a handful of other Eves didn’t feel the same, resentful or hurt over the matter. She couldn’t imagine it made Erin and Joss feel very good. Divya would do her best not to mention it for the sake of Erin’s comfort. “Yeah?” She looked at the waterfall again. “You’re probably right… This place can only be so big.” Yet Divya was sure there must have been places here that none of them have seen yet. For one, the boys’ supposed camp. Or lack thereof. The one only Oona and Clarke have visited. Divya hasn’t seen that. “You know, one of these days I think I’m going to follow it. Just for adventure, you know? See where it goes… Maybe there’s a nice Maccas on the water at the start of it all.” She joked.

-

Erin’s lips pressed together as she attempted to hide her smile in the face of Divya’s laughter. Attempted, but failed completely. “ God, yeah, so true. TLC would be so disappointed in me right now. ” She said, shaking her head with false disappointment at herself and smile still tugging at the corners of her lips.  She watched Divya’s reaction to her words carefully out of the corner of her eye. Trying to not make it obvious but her reaction was important. If Divya reacted negatively to the fact that she and Joss had been gone and now they were back, then what chance did she stand with the rest of the group? But her words, as far as Erin could tell, went over without much of a reaction. Which was completely relieving. She nodded her head, humming an agreement before she looked back at the waterfall. Back to the top where the water spilled over. She smiled lightly again at the idea of a McDonald’s hidden at the start of the waterfall. “ I think that’s way better than a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. ” She said looking to Divya again with amusement before she looked around. Considering things for a moment. “ Well– ” There were probably better ways to spend their time, but she was trying not to get too hung up on proving her worth to the group like she had before she left. A day with Divya could be very nice. “ What are you doing now? ” She asked, looking back to the other. “ We could do it today. A bit of it, anyway. See if it does connect to that stream. ” She suggested. 

.

Halima watched with wide eyes, her gaze flicking between Erin’s face and the bag in her hands. She caught the moment Erin’s expression marginally relaxed and felt a sudden rush of breath enter her lungs like she’d been holding it at bay until then. Yeah, they’re in here. I can feel them. The corners of Halima’s lips twitched, not a smile but a small indication of feeling. She froze when she noticed the pills looked off. Through hazy, anxious eyes, they appeared blurred. Not the same. Her own expression adopted a small crack. Her gut sank slightly. But they were there, she told herself. They were in and Erin said they were there and so it was okay. “Okay,” she breathed out, then sniffed. Her cheeks pricked. She held on tighter to the neck pillow and thought miserably about the wide, flat stuffed animal cat she had laid out on her bed back home. A gift from her dad back when she started basisschool. Plattekat. Her mouth wobbled and Halima swallowed down a lump in her throat. “Okay, let’s get the fuck out of here. This shit sucks so bad,” she continued, voice jittery as she scooped up her waterlogged jacket and followed Erin closely. If the other girl was ever more than a couple steps or an arm’s length away she felt her anxiety drastically spike. At a certain point, she pinched the fabric of Erin’s shirt between two fingers just to make sure she was near. That Halima could touch her. It wasn’t pitch black in the cave, but the sun they faced when they stepped out had Halima momentarily squinting her eyes closed. She bumped lightly into Erin and pulled back, eyes opening again as she looked toward where the water came rushing from. They had to go further inland. She hurried her pace, muttering a frenzied: “Shit shit shit shit shit.”

-

Erin still felt sort of odd– no, very odd about her position in the group. If she even had one, or if it was just a quasi-leadership expectation whenever the group needed her and discarded otherwise. But, she was trying to find her feet. One of the easier members of the group to do that with? Her fellow vegan, Grace. The only one she’d ever met off the island, though she could barely remember it. She made her way to the edge of the jungle, where they had agreed to meet, her arms full of small branches and twigs that she’d collected on her way. “ Shane’s got the axe so that’s a no-go, ” She said, not elaborating that she hadn’t asked. She’d only seen Shane with it and decided she didn’t want to invite all that drama into her day. “ But, there’s plenty on the ground already. And the tide probably knocked around some driftwood, I think we can make it work. ” She said instead, and then remembering what she had managed to grab. “ Oh! But! I did get ... ” As she spoke she shifted branches awkwardly in her arms, trying to free one of them so she could reach into the pocket of her pants. Pulling out the small silver lighter and holding it up proudly. “ This. ” 

WHO: Open @wildshub​ WHERE: Waterfall WHEN: Day 19

Divya was stood in front of the waterfall, watching it with furrowed brows. She took in its steady stream, watching water fall over the rocky ledge and plunge into the small pool below. Since the Eves have moved camps and situated themselves near it, it’s been on her mind more often than before. Maybe it had to do with hearing it more often. Or just seeing it more often. But she’s gotten more curious about it as of late. It never occurred to her that its water has to come from somewhere. A bigger body of water. She wondered if any of other Eves have ever tried to find out. “Has anyone ever tried to follow the waterfall?” She asked the person closest to her. “Like figure out where the water from the waterfall comes from?”

-

“ That sounds like it could be the start of an inspirational saying or something, ” Erin said with a soft laugh, coming to a pause beside Divya. A little distance between them, a safe distance. Distance that wouldn’t have been there a few days ago but now Erin felt like she had to make sure it was there. So she wasn’t invading space. “ Try and follow the waterfall, you know, ” She repeated the words with gentle grin, trying to give them some sort of motivational flare with her voice. She allowed a beat before she spoke again. “ I don’t think so though. Not that I know of. ” She answered, but she had a little more to give. She just needed a second to think on how she wanted to say it. “ But, um, me and Joss found a stream, a bit further in. That might be connected– I mean, it’s not a big island. ” Big enough to hide Erin and Joss for days when they left. Big enough to hide a whole other group. Big enough for that other group to disappear without a trace if she was to believe what the others said. But not a big island.

-

“Yeah, in a way,” maybe it was just because she was a vegan from California and knew her way around a first aid kid but either way, there was most certainly something about Erin Walsh that fit the archetype of a seasoned camper. Joss nodded her head in agreement, feeling more like she was listening to the musings of a teacher on a school trip rather than one of her peers but either way, it was a nice sentiment. They were doing their best, they were learning.

Joss couldn’t help but lift her eyebrows, eyes widening as Erin uttered the unfamiliar phrase; I think you’re right. “Yeah?” Joss had become somewhat used to having her contributions overlooked, her ideas ignored or even mocked. “Yeah, yeah, nah, no, you’re right, it’s obviously not going to be easy but I don’t think it’s impossible. I mean, cooking things is a good start, that changes the chemistry of what we’re eating - I mean, even the charcoal in our food is good for us,” she didn’t have to go into detail about bowel movements and the like but she knew she was making a decent point. She was confident that with a little fresh air and some time to think, they could draft some ideas to take back to the rest of the camp.

It was enough to make Joss smile as Erin departed though it wasn’t long before her absence left Jocelyn’s mind with nothing to do but wander and wander it did. She went back, for a moment, to thinking about her argument with Shane. The lasting effect it might have on her relationship with the other girl but also with Jenny and with the rest of the Eves who had witnessed it. Would Erin be the only person she could speak to candidly from now on? She loved Erin’s company, that certainly wasn’t a problem but she wasn’t sure she could handle being ostracized within the group, not when she had nowhere else to go now.

She was grateful for the brunette’s return and chuckled at her suggestion, “Oh so good,” she gushed, “So wholesome and namaste of us, definitely our vibe,” she mused, laughing once more at Erin’s impression of the emoji.

-

Erin grinned widely as her suggestion was so easily accepted. “ Right? So our vibe. ” She agreed happily, though it was probably far from the truth. Both in how people saw them, and in how they felt. But Erin thought she had just about enough of that, she thought she’d rather like this fantasy where her and Joss were fine. They were going on a hike to go lie in the sun and take photos and eat fruit. And they were fine. Better than fine. “ Come on, ” She held out her hand to pull the other to her feet. “ Cliffs aren’t gonna climb themselves and if I don’t dry my shoes out soon I’m gonna go, like, actually crazy, I think. ” She chuckled again, like some of her choices in the last few days weren’t already arguably crazy.

“ No, but, back to the food thing, ” She started as the two began to walk, “ You’re right about the cooking food being a good start. The charcoal and the chemistry of it all. ” She said, even though she hadn’t partaken herself. She didn’t want to. She knew it was childish, and that perhaps she should let go of her beliefs in the name of survival, but Grace hadn’t eaten any meat last night either. “ As well as preservation, Oona was smoking the meat overnight so it should keep for a while too. ” She added, but she knew she needed to deviate from the meat thing soon. They needed more than just that, much more. And Erin didn’t want to have to eat meat. She just couldn’t let go of that control. “ If we could figure out how to get some carbs that would, like, really set us right. Brain food, you know. ” Her mom had said that. Many times. Especially with Erin’s ever growing interest in veganism. “ And it would keep us fuller for longer too. ”

.

“Oh gosh, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Oona replied sincerely, almost frighteningly incapable of not dropping an earnest assurance into any given exchange. “It’s that type of go-go-go mode that saves our butts in these situations.” And Oona probably had a clinical-grade fear of appearing rude herself, so pleasantries and how are you’s were hardwired into her brain to a degree that felt truly suppressive sometimes. But not in this instance. In this instance, she really did want to know how Erin was. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” Oona paused, then added: “Super duper glad, if we’re completely honest.” She smiled softly, still feeling a bit on edge in a far-off corner of her brain. Something she ignored. Something she hated. She’d been shaky and overwhelmed when she first saw Clarke after everything. She didn’t want to go back to that feeling now that everyone was safe and accounted for. There wasn’t time for that sort of thing. Oona didn’t feel like she had earned that sort of thing. You did great. “Ah, well. ‘Least I could do, you know? My grandma’s always going on about not getting enough protein’ll make your hair fall out.” She adopted a wry tone as she continued, gesturing toward her head. “I can take the sunburned face, but I’m not sure how my vanity’ll fare if I go bald.”

 Though she knew there was truth in the claim, Oona thought it had more to do with her grandma always wanting to force food onto her and Declan. Jambalaya and oxtail and grillades. We have stuff for burns in the first aid kit. Oona blinked, feeling a little silly that she hadn’t thought of using it yet. Still, she felt something in her soften. It was a feeling she’d noticed more and more on the island, with all the Eves. A sort of taken-care-of feeling. “Thanks, Erin,” she answered, then dropped the ax back down to her side. She dunked her hands and arms into the water to cool the burns when they got to the falls, so at least they were fairly clean. When Erin returned with the kit, Oona turned her right forearm toward Erin for inspection. The inside of her wrist toward the heel of her palm seemed to have sustained the worst of it, along with her fingertips on both hands to a lesser degree. She cupped her wrist with her opposite palm, then pursed her lips as she looked. “Could we spare one bandage, you think? Maybe just a little gauze and tape. Just to keep this bit loosely covered for a day or something.” Oona didn’t want to entertain the thought of potential infection, but it was better to be safe than sorry. “I’ll probably be poor company if these get icky.”

-

Erin’s features were soft, Oona’s kindness always had that effect on her. Something she hadn’t realised she’d missed until last night around the campfire, until this moment right now where Oona had asked how she was while her arms all tender and pink. “ I’m glad you’re okay too, ” She said genuinely. Though, it was sort of relative. She was alive. God, even 18 days in that still felt so dire. So dramatic. But after the state that boy had been in, Callum, Erin found herself relieved any time someone could simply pull a smile on their face without withering in pain. She chuckled softly at the little tidbit about her grandmother, resisting the urge to lift her hand to her own head and make sure her hair wasn’t falling out. “ I think you could rock it, ” She said, head tilting as she tried to imagine it. “ Me, on the other hand, I already look like ET when I tie my hair back too tight. ” She joked, though it was a little true. The first year of jazz band photos before she learned how to wear her hair to flatter her features were brutal to look back on. 

“ Of course, ” She replied, feeling totally confident in saying that to Oona. She knew if the roles were reversed, Oona would certainly do the same for her. “ I’ll be back in one sec. ” She assured before she went to grab the little red kit. If Erin were to be honest with herself, she was a little obsessive with the kit. Her two days away with Joss had been a break of sorts, but the idea that they had nearly lost it that morning had put her right back on her bullshit. She knew exactly where she had left it so it only took her a moment to retrieve it. Walking back to Oona and opening one side of the kit as she did, poking fingers in and looking around for the burn lotion she knew was in there. Once in front of the other again she opened it properly, quickly finding the packet and an alcohol wipe to clean her own hands. She was setting the kit aside Oona spoke, drawing her attention and making her look up. “ Yeah– yeah, of course, ” She said, “ The most important thing is gonna be keeping it clean so it can heal, bandage will make it a lot easier to do that. ” There wasn’t exactly a perfect bandage for the space that was burned. There wouldn’t be even if Erin was in a pharmacy. But, she was crafty. She could make do. She would make do. Cut up a piece of gauze or two and then maybe the roll of bandage. That would probably be the easiest given the position of the burns. She held the packet of burn lotion between her forearm and her chest while she ripped open the alcohol wipe and cleaned her own hands. Shoving the waste in the pocket of her jeans, before it was time for the lotion. “ Alright, it might sting a little and I’ll try to be gentle but if it hurts too much, tell me. Okay? ” She said, tone assuring, “ Mostly it will probably just be a bit cold. ”

-

She chuckled at Erin’s words and shook her head, “Mate, I can promise you that absolutely nothing that gets cooked at our house is true to Italian anything, my Mum just likes to pretend we’re more cultured than the average Aussie family,” she teased at her parents expense. They were about as standard formula as the rest of the families in Toorak though, like many of them, they tried to find a point of difference one way or another. 

Joss’ face brightened at the mention of Erin’s camping experience,. Erin’s various instincts and how-to attitude made a lot of sense to her now that she knew that little factoid. “Love that for you, you defs seem the type,” Did that sound offensive? Was it offensive? She hadn’t meant it to be. “I’ve only been on like, school camps and the smallest weekend trips when I was a kid but I wouldn’t say I’m an expert,” she chuckled and gestured loosely to herself, how worn she looked, “Obviously,” she felt like her existence at that point in time was proof positive that she was no wilderness whiz.

 “-but actually, nah, I’m just thinking about that now- maybe we’re being stupid by just eating everything we find when we find it,” she was going somewhere with this, “So, one of my year twelve subjects is nutrition, right,” it was essentially a science unit for students that weren’t great at science but she left that part out, “-and we always talk about complete proteins and how like- okay, for example…this is one we used in class- obviously it’s good to eat like, just salad or just chicken or whatever but then it’s better to eat a burrito with rice and beans and protein and cheese because all of the different ingredients together compliment each other and complete the protein chains,” Ms. Wray would be so bloody proud of Joss right now, she considered, “We should actually start cooking things properly like making recipes and meals and you know, getting the most nutrition out of everything- like with seeds and stuff,” she mused with enthusiasm, maybe just because she was hungry. 

“Yeah, yeah, too easy, I’ll just um,” she wasn’t going to go back to camp, she didn’t want to face anybody right now. So what use could she provide? Not a lot and thankfully, Erin wasn’t asking anything of her, “I’ll pick which emojis we’re gonna use in our caption- I’m thinking sun emoji for a start,” she teased, instead, trying to keep things light.

-

Erin’s shoulders pushed back a little, her posture straightening at what Joss said. “ Do I? ” She questioned, taking the words as a compliment while completely unaware that Joss was debating if it sounded offensive. She gave a soft little laugh when she said she wasn’t an expert and gestured to herself as evidence. She looked down at her own clothes, seemingly permanently dirt coated and today they were damp too. “ I wouldn’t say I’m an expert either, ” She mused, pinching the centre of her shirt and tugging it from her frame. “ Especially not here. This place is totally different to Yosemite. ” She said, looking up again. It was different to Sequoia, Redwood, Kings Canyon, and all the other state parks she’d visited with her family over the years. “ But, ” She grinned pointedly, tone purposely becoming more perky. “ We’re learning and trying our best. All we can do is learn and try our best. ” And if she ignored the literal survival aspect of it, that was rather exciting. 

Maybe we’re being stupid by just eating everything we find when we find it. Her head tilted in a silent sort of question but she kept her mouth closed until Joss had actually gotten out what she meant. And she stayed quiet a moment beyond that too, thinking it over. She wasn’t wrong, they weren’t getting proper nutrition. And two thirds into a month on the island that was pound to start showing eventually. Their metabolisms had surely already taken hit, their strength, their cognitive health along with physical, and surely their immune system would compromise too without proper diet. “ I think you’re right, ” She started with, “ But it’s not going to be easy to do it. Obviously. But it can’t be impossible, right? ” She looked over at Joss. “ Civilisations have been built on less, Rome wasn’t built in a day, all that. ” 

“ Oh perfect! ” She called out over her shoulder with wide grin before she looked forward and towards the group. Quickly enough she gathered what she’d come for, a couple bananas and a water bottle for the two to share, shoving them in the kanken she’d been carting around that morning. The last thing she did before she left was tap a fellow Eve on the shoulder, explain where she and Joss were going, before offering a quick smile and heading back over to Joss. “ Okay I know you said you were on emojis, so this totally just, like, a suggestion– but the meditating person? ” She suggested with a grin, before lifting her arms at her side to emulate that meditating position for a just a second in case Joss hadn’t conjured the image herself.