according to the extra content in the back of gideon the ninth, romantic and familial relationships between necromancers and cavaliers are generally considered taboo. (we see the taboo on those romantic relationships especially, what with harrow's horror at abigail + magnus, and her brief horror at the idea that augustine and alfred may have been wedded).
and i think these taboos stem directly from the lyctors themselves. i think, when alfred died for augustine (most likely via suicide pact with cristabel, as is implied), john saw that grief and decided to never let it happen again. (i will get more into the how of that later on). the crazy thing is that john was the cause of that grief; nevertheless, augustine became an example of what not to do: don't subsume your brother's soul, or that of any family member, because it will rip you apart - and it will give you a reason, even if only in the back of your mind, to want to kill god.
john wants lyctors that are wholeheartedly devoted to him. if they kill their sibling - their "better half" - won't there always be some part of them that blames god for the death of the person they loved most? won't there always be some reason for rebellion?
now onto mercymorn and cristabel. mercymorn hates talking about cristabel, and she hates other people talking about cristabel; she hates people using cristabel as a lever or somehow using her name for bad. many have taken the intensity of mercy's devotion to her cavalier as a sign of a previous romantic relationship, and i have to say i think the same thing. and again: john saw the wretched grief that resulted when cristabel died for mercymorn, and said, "this shouldn't happen again because now you have a reason to hate me" (even if other lyctors possibly killed their significant others afterwards...)
the point is, the lyctors served as an example to the societal structure of the nine houses. john wants perfect servants: ones that do not doubt him, and ones that have no reason to hate him. alongside this, john also probably had the most power in shaping what the nine houses would look like, so he could in theory implement taboos as he shaped what the ideal cavalier-necromancer relationship should look like.
additionally: from what we know, some of the lyctors were also instrumental in forming the nine houses. augustine, for example, founded koniortos court on the fifth; perhaps he had a hand in shaping the general structure of the fifth, and not just the political. he ensured that no other necromancers were siblings or family members, because if they were to reach that final end-state of necromancy (lyctorhood), they would experience the same pain that he did. (maybe the romantic taboo wasn't as prevalent on the fifth because augustine focuses more on the familial taboo than anything else). the same could've happened with mercy on the eighth, g1deon on the second, etc.
in conclusion: the taboos on romantic and familial love between cavaliers and necromancers are most likely a result of both john and the lyctors. after the death of the lyctors' cavaliers, john realized that he needed subjects who did not have a reason to hate him (having to kill one's sibling or lover is a big reason to hate him), so using his societal power he implemented those taboos. the lyctors also implemented the taboos on the houses they helped to found, so that any necromancers who might reach the end-state of necromancy - lyctorhood - did not have to go through as much pain as the lyctors. john's desire for manipulation plus the lyctors' fear of other necromancers enduring their pain resulted in general society-wide beliefs that cavalier-necromancer relationships should be strictly professional, friendly at most.
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